Would you consider dating a guy w/ a child?

[gurly_gurl23]

Here’s the story: I know of someone who’s being courted by a guy. The guy is pretty okay personally….the problem is he already has a four-year old son who grew up with him. What about the child’s mother? They’re not together anymore..and they were never married. Currently, however, the child’s mother is trying to come back but the guy doesn’t want to accept her again.

My friend’s really confused whether it would be okay to give the guy a chance knowing that he has a son and her family doesn’t approved the idea of dating such guy.

What’s your view on this? Go on…post your thoughts.

[vashti]

If she is under maybe 35 years old, then I vote no. The kid doesn't need to see a string of different women running in and out of his life. He's already lost a mom - isn't that enough?

Also, dealing with other people's children is not a task to be taking lightly. It is a REALLY hard thing to do. I would never advise it for someone who has other options, and if she is in her 20s, she should have plenty of other options.

[Gribble]

How old is the guy? How old is your friend? I can't really comment without knowing.

[gurly_gurl23]

The girl is only 24 years old...while the guy's 27. Yup, i know...both of them are still so young. But, the situation's really kinda complicated.

My friend told me that it wouldn’t be hard to fall for the guy because he’s quite okay as person. But, she’s in a dilemma…it would totally be so risky to even give the guy the slightest chance. She’s also a family-oriented person that she wouldn’t want to contradict her family.

She already told the guy to stop pursuing her but the guy just keeps on coming back asking her to give him the chance.

[The Great OV!!!]

Nah, I think what she needs is a guy with a package and not baggage.

[vashti]

Does she have any of her own children? If not, she doesn't have the slightest clue of what she'd be getting herself into. Tell her run away. It is not that this guy isn't a good guy - it is that she isn't ready to tackle this sort of responsibility.

BTW - Her family is only taking this stance because they want what is best for their kid. Any parent would do the same.

[gurly_gurl23]

Does she have any of her own children? If not, she doesn't have the slightest clue of what she'd be getting herself into. Tell her run away. It is not that this guy isn't a good guy - it is that she isn't ready to tackle this sort of responsibility.

BTW - Her family is only taking this stance because they want what is best for their kid. Any parent would do the same.

Nope, she doesn’t have any kids of her own. It’s just that she felt really guilty for rejecting the guy. Initially, she doesn’t know how to handle the situation and how to tell him in such a way that he wouldn’t get hurt.

But yeah, I also believe parents know what’s best for their kids. Wow…thanks vashti for a very wonderful advice…I’ll make sure my friend would read this.

[vashti]

Nope, she doesn’t have any kids of her own. It’s just that she felt really guilty for rejecting the guy. Initially, she doesn’t know how to handle the situation and how to tell him in such a way that he wouldn’t get hurt.

All she has to do is to say "I think you are a really great guy, but I am not ready to handle the responsibilies that dating someone's father would entail".

He has probably heard it before, and even if his feelings are hurt (which I doubt), she is not responsible for how he feels so long as she is nice and honest.

I will also add that any parent already knows what a huge responsibility children are and totally "get it" if a young woman says she isn't ready for it.