what do men think about this?

[ShellyZ]

Did you miss the whole thread? Particularly when the OP came back with an update? Try not to slap your forehead so much, you could be doing permanent damage.

[smackie9]

Luckily, you don't decide when other people should have sex in their relationships. I happen to think waiting for sex is a very mature thing to do, but if you like to jump right into bed with guys, I'm not going to stop you. Not everyone does relationships the same way you do. It doesn't mean they're immature, it just means they made different choices. And perhaps they have too much self-respect to sleep around.

Obviously you didn't understand me. I'm confident to know when I'm ready to to have sex and have no doubts about my decision to do so. That doesn't mean I sleep around you so get off yer high moral horse. I said it's not mature to jump in the sack and then recant the decision to continue having sex. That my dear is not waiting. That is being a hypocrite.

Like someone quoted on this thread, if the role was reversed how would you as a female feel in a guy who you really liked cut you off of physical intimacy.... it would emotionally hurt. I would feel like something was wrong with me....I would feel undesirable. I most certainly wouldn't believe a word if he said he wanted to "get to know me better" Screw that. I'm sure in a guys position they would feel the same way.

[IndiReloaded]

I imagine it would be terribly confusing. I think the gal would owe the guy an explanation if she wanted a continuing relationship with the guy. Personally, tho, I'd be suspicious of someone who changed their mind like this and questioning my own lack of judgement for not spotting a flake ahead of time.

But, I can imagine a situation where a young couple is overwhelmed by hormones and decides to slow things down. Cam's example might fit this scenario. But in the case of two consenting mature adults, I'd think the person was odd or had some issues around sex if they did this.

[Yet another guy]

And perhaps they have too much self-respect to sleep around.

In my opinion, sleeping around has nothing to do with having sex with someone you're dating. In fact, if we return to the topic, in this scenario the girl has already slept with the guy so continuing to have sex with him would be quite the opposite of "sleeping around".

The OP has said that she discussed this with her man and he understands and they are both on the same page.

I'm guessing that her guy isn't ok with it but he doesn't show it because he is a pushover, a doormat if you will. Alternatively he might not have much of a sex drive so he might not give a crap.

As I pointed out earlier, if a girl changed her mind about something else (something other than sex), it would not be an issue for the guy.

I strongly disagree. Sex doesn't make the issue different.
If, after we share our feelings, she decides that we shouldn't have intimate conversations until she can trust me again, I would be upset.
If, after our first hug, she decides that we should wait because she is worried that I'm only interested in getting hugs and don't care about her personality, I would be upset.
If, after our first kiss, she decides that we should wait because she has too much self-respect to "kiss around", I would be upset.
If, after one day of marriage, she decides that it was a mistake and divorces, I would be upset.

Actually, every one of those examples would be even bigger issue than sex but for the very same reason. Whether it's about sex or not, every step backwards is a huge red flag and something a guy will have problem with if he has feelings for her. Or even if he only has an interest in a relationship.

The negative response in this thread indicates that some people believe it should not be acceptable for women to say no to sex.

Nope. No one in this thread has indicated such an opinion.

[ShellyZ]

I said it's not mature to jump in the sack and then recant the decision to continue having sex. That my dear is not waiting. That is being a hypocrite.

It's not being a hypocrite, it's just changing your mind. I know you've changed your mind about something before. People change their minds all the time. Ever met a recovered drug addict? They did drugs in the past and decided they don't want to do drugs anymore. Is that hypocritical?

if the role was reversed how would you as a female feel in a guy who you really liked cut you off of physical intimacy.... it would emotionally hurt.

That has been discussed as well. Besides, the OP is not saying she wants to cut off physical intimacy. You can have plenty of physical intimacy and affection without having sex. If a guy said he wanted to wait before having sex again, I wouldn't mind. However, if he no longer showed any affection for me, I would mind because that would be a clear signal that he's lost interest in me. I don't think you need sex to have physical intimacy.

I think the gal would owe the guy an explanation if she wanted a continuing relationship with the guy.

Naturally. Communication is essential in all aspects of a relationship.

I'm guessing that her guy isn't ok with it but he doesn't show it because he is a pushover, a doormat if you will. Alternatively he might not have much of a sex drive so he might not give a crap.

More assumptions about a guy you don't even know. This poor guy, he can't even make his own decisions about sex without strangers on the internet jumping to unfounded conclusions. I also find it disturbing that you think any man who respects a woman's desire to wait and who likes her enough that he wouldn't mind waiting is a pushover or a doormat, or is not interested in sex. Are there no normal, healthy men out there who actually like and respect the women they're dating?

If, after we share our feelings, she decides that we shouldn't have intimate conversations until she can trust me again, I would be upset.
If, after our first hug, she decides that we should wait because she is worried that I'm only interested in getting hugs and don't care about her personality, I would be upset.
If, after our first kiss, she decides that we should wait because she has too much self-respect to "kiss around", I would be upset.

Those examples are kind of ridiculous. Hugging and kissing is not the same as having sex. Women rarely get used for hugs or kisses, but they get used for sex all the time. There's more risk involved with sex, especially for the woman. And intimate conversation is not the same as sex, obviously.

If, after one day of marriage, she decides that it was a mistake and divorces, I would be upset.

Marriage is not something that happens on the spur of the moment. An engaged couple usually has plenty of time to decide if they really want to go through with the marriage. Sex, on the other hand, often does happen in the heat of the moment.

I love that this thread is getting a second wind. However, I am annoyed that I'm having to repeat myself. Y'all can go back and read the whole thread BEFORE posting something that has already been discussed ad nauseam. Peace.

[Wakeup]

Why are you like a rabbid dog about this? Holy smokes!!!

[surfhb]

I guess there's no wrong or right answer. But can we at least agree it's behavior you dont see very often in relationships.......THANK GOD!!!

[abn25]

Gee with the exception of one "woman" who was apparently trying to gain brownie points with the so called men on here, Shelly is the only arguing my point, how interesting as the rest are men/boys...get a life you're logic isint even logic and you're just whack

[abn25]

Wow, the men fell into this one and really just made themselves look stereotypically sex crazed and just plain stupid

[surfhb]

Gee with the exception of one "woman" who was apparently trying to gain brownie points with the so called men on here, Shelly is the only arguing my point, how interesting as the rest are men/boys...get a life you're logic isint even logic and you're just whack

Sorry...but , in actuality,the only 2 other posters making any real, thought out arguments (Smakie and Wakeup) are both women

Coming from both men and women....Youre clearly the minority in this thread.....sorry. I respect your decision though.

[Wakeup]

Women rarely get used for hugs or kisses, but they get used for sex all the time.

Honey, did someone use you for sex? Is that why you're like a rabid dog on a bone here? Give it up you're not the spokeperson for all women in all things sexual and everyone is quite clear on your position.

People are entitled to have a differing opinion to your own without you having to type your little fingers to the bone defending your position to everyone who doesn't agree. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is an option.

Time will tell if Op's "date" is sincere or just putting sex with her on the backburner while he indulges with others. Has she even had the exclusive talk? I would suspect she'll want.. no, make that expect him to be exclusive with her and not be going to bed with others while she gets to know him???? just guessing here.

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry...but , in actuality,the only 2 other posters making any real, thought out arguments (Smakie and Wakeup) are both women

Coming from both men and women....Youre clearly the minority in this thread.....sorry. I respect your decision though.

Make that 3... I'm a woman as well.

[Yet another guy]

You can have plenty of physical intimacy and affection without having sex. If a guy said he wanted to wait before having sex again, I wouldn't mind. However, if he no longer showed any affection for me, I would mind because that would be a clear signal that he's lost interest in me. I don't think you need sex to have physical intimacy.

I find this confusing I'm afraid to have sex too soon too, you see. But that's because I'll get attached to that person and I would be afraid she'll dump me. I always thought that's why others are afraid too. But any physical intimacy or acts of showing affection have the same problem. I can't see how someone could have a physical intimacy and show affection but couldn't have sex.

More assumptions about a guy you don't even know. This poor guy, he can't even make his own decisions about sex without strangers on the internet jumping to unfounded conclusions. I also find it disturbing that you think any man who respects a woman's desire to wait and who likes her enough that he wouldn't mind waiting is a pushover or a doormat, or is not interested in sex.

My assumption is that most guys and girls wouldn't be ok with it. Since I don't know him, that's my best guess. And as I said, that's what it is: A guess. A guess is not a conclusion. What I mean is that just because he says what she wants to hear, doesn't mean that he tells the whole truth. Also, as I've said, the problem isn't her wanting to wait. The problem is that she takes a step backward in (or further away from) the relationship.

Hugging and kissing is not the same as having sex.

Exactly That's my point. Ceasing to show affection in any way, not just sex, is upsetting. Guys wouldn't have problem with it (or at least I wouldn't) because "it's sex" like you claim. I hate repeating myself too but... The problem is that she takes a step backward in (or further away from) the relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

If you slept together too soon, but have decided to pull away and stop how do you view this? Does it seem like a game if you are honest with them about it?

I'm quoting the original posted question, because people have wandered away from the topic and gotten confused.

ShellyZ, your opinion is meaningful, but not relevant to this topic, which was how MEN feel about sleeping together too soon. You may not agree with how men view this issue, but that's because you're a woman, and there is a definite gender difference on this issue.

abn25, you at least suspect that men and women think about sex differently, but then you are upset that the men responding to your question are not responding the way you want them to respond. Apparently you expect and want guys to think like women do about sex, but that's not going to happen. As the French say, Vive le difference!

Guys think about sex a lot. A LOT. Seriously, most women can't even begin to imagine how much guys think about sex. There are a lot of clues. Look at the vast quantity of porn online, and think about all the money spent generating the non-amateur porn. Think about the fact that there is so much demand for sex by guys that there are a lot of people supporting themselves with sex-oriented jobs: escorts, porn stars, nude models, etc. And then think about how many powerful men have seen their careers ruined by sex scandals. Now you have a bit of an idea about how much guys think about sex. But there's more. If you look halfway decent and walk by random men in tight pants or a mini-skirt, heads will turn, because they're thinking about sex. With you. Sex is in the media, music, movies, books, art. As comedian Larry Miller put it, "If women knew what we were really thinking, they would never stop slapping us."

[smackie9]

I totally agree with this and I know how men think. Sometimes I think like a guy, so much so the guys at work call me a guy with tits lol. I know women are in such denial when it comes to the way men think. Porn is a good one. Women call it cheating when their guy watches it...seriously cheating? give me a break. Whatever goes on in a persons head, like screwin your sister or whomever, is nobody's business. Stop kidding yourself if you think YOU are all your BF needs and should think about.....he probably thinking about that waitresses boobs that served your dinner on your anniversary.

I'm a woman, I like porn too, and I love men just they way they are. Hear me roar!