what do men think about this?

[abn25]

If you slept together too soon, but have decided to pull away and stop how do you view this? Does it seem like a game if you are honest with them about it?

[CAM]

No, its fine as long as you mean it.

I know a couple that had sex early in their dating relationship and then decided to slow things down. They dated for ten years without full-blown sex (just foreplay), concentrated on their intellectual growth towards one another, and then got married. They've been married for 17 years and have a teenage daughter. They are very happy.

[Boisdevie]

If you slept together too soon, but have decided to pull away and stop how do you view this? Does it seem like a game if you are honest with them about it?

What the hell is wrong with having sex? It's meant to be part of a good relationship. It's meant to be enjoyable. It's meant to be fun. If I had a good relationship with a woman and then she withheld sex I'd leave.

[Yet another guy]

I'd assume that she was just using me.

If I was convinced that she was sincere, I'd know that she doesn't know what she wants and is not worth my efforts.

[Bonfire]

I would just think that I must be terrible in bed. lol

[jb1111983]

I'd be confused.

[flynhayn]

Does it seem like a game if you are honest with them about it?

It's only a game when you're NOT honest about it.

[Sixpacj]

No, its fine as long as you mean it.

I know a couple that had sex early in their dating relationship and then decided to slow things down. They dated for ten years without full-blown sex (just foreplay), concentrated on their intellectual growth towards one another, and then got married. They've been married for 17 years and have a teenage daughter. They are very happy.

Please tell me this is a joke... ;-) you mean... TEN YEARS???

[ShellyZ]

How is it a game? People change their minds all the time, that's allowed. It's only a game if you're trying to manipulate him, and you're not. You realized you made a mistake and now you're taking steps to fix it. There's nothing wrong with that.

What the hell is wrong with having sex? It's meant to be part of a good relationship. It's meant to be enjoyable. It's meant to be fun. If I had a good relationship with a woman and then she withheld sex I'd leave.

The OP never said there is anything wrong with sex. She just decided that she's not ready yet. You're right, sex is meant to be enjoyable, for BOTH people. In order for both people to enjoy it, they both have to be ready and willing to do it. If she's not ready, then it won't be enjoyable for her. Men seem to struggle with this, because they think the woman is withholding sex from him, as if she's trying to punish him or something. But she's not, she just doesn't want to have sex yet. Women don't owe you sex, OK? They're allowed to wait until they're ready.

I'd assume that she was just using me.

Using you for what? You can have a great relationship without having sex right away. Are you saying you've never changed your mind about something? You've never done something and then realized it was a mistake? If you do something once, then you have to do it again, even if you don't want to?

Men, try to understand: Women don't owe you sex. They're allowed to say no, even if they've said yes before. Having sex with you once doesn't mean she has to have sex with you again. If you care about the girl, you'll understand and you'll wait for her. If you don't care about her, then why should she have sex with you?

[Wakeup]

IMO: That's like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube. It's shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted away. It's like I don't know too many men that would feel good about it. However; i suppose if he agrees to it then so be it.

Waiting until you're sure is one thing. This is quite another.

No wonder men call us confusing.

[Yet another guy]

She just decided that she's not ready yet.

Actually, she decided that she's not ready anymore, in the hypothetical situation she presented.

Using you for what?

Money, attention, whatever she wants from me. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having sex early in the relationship if you feel like it. People like doing it. But pulling away immediately afterwards suggests me that maybe she wasn't interested in having sex with me afterall. It makes it seem like she might be using sex as a tool to gain advantage of my affection.

Are you saying you've never changed your mind about something?

About something, of course. But not about my feelings towards others. Not that fast. Okay, I might develop affection like a lightning but it never disappears like one.
If I like you today, there's no way I'll hate you tomorrow.
If I ask you to marry me today, I definitely won't dump you tomorrow.
And if I have sex with you today, I sure as hell will still desire you tomorrow.
Unless of course something has changed drastically. Like finding out you've been cheating on me.

[Wakeup]

I wonder what one of us chickies would do if we had sex with a guy we found attractive and wanted to make love with and then the next day he said "I think we had sex too soon, can we not have it now while we get to know one another?" I can't only imagine what emotional response that would evoke.

[ShellyZ]

Actually, she decided that she's not ready anymore, in the hypothetical situation she presented.

Yes, that's what I meant. To me, it's the same thing.

Money, attention, whatever she wants from me. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having sex early in the relationship if you feel like it. People like doing it. But pulling away immediately afterwards suggests me that maybe she wasn't interested in having sex with me afterall. It makes it seem like she might be using sex as a tool to gain advantage of my affection.

Oh please. You've been watching too many movies. If a girl doesn't like you, she's not gonna continue to hang around you, not even for money or attention. And you shouldn't be paying women to hang out with you anyway.

About something, of course. But not about my feelings towards others. Not that fast. Okay, I might develop affection like a lightning but it never disappears like one. If I like you today, there's no way I'll hate you tomorrow. If I ask you to marry me today, I definitely won't dump you tomorrow. And if I have sex with you today, I sure as hell will still desire you tomorrow.

Perhaps this is where the misunderstanding is. Did the OP say she no longer feels affection for her guy? Did she say she no longer desires him? No, she didn't. She said she's not ready to have sex with him. Just because a woman isn't ready for sex doesn't mean she doesn't like you or desire you. And if a woman has sex with you and then decides it happened too soon and she wants to wait, that doesn't mean that she stopped liking you and desiring you. It probably means she's worried that you'll take advantage of her, or you'll use her for sex, or you won't respect her, or you'll be so focused on sex that you won't pay attention to her personality. When women hold off on sex, it's usually because they're afraid of getting hurt. NOT because they don't desire you. Understand?

I wonder what one of us chickies would do if we had sex with a guy we found attractive and wanted to make love with and then the next day he said "I think we had sex too soon, can we not have it now while we get to know one another?" I can't only imagine what emotional response that would evoke.

Actually I would be fine with that. Because, unlike these guys, I wouldn't assume that's code for "I don't like you anymore, but I'm going to use you for money and attention." I would be thrilled if a guy wanted to take things slow so we could get to know each other properly.

No wonder men call us confusing.

Men only think women are confusing because they don't think we mean what we say. For example, the OP says "I think we rushed into sex too soon and I'm worried about getting hurt because I really like you and I want to take the time to get to know you better before we have sex again." No insult there, it's actually a compliment. She likes him, she wants to get to know him, she sees this as a long-term relationship. All good things, right? But the guy doesn't think she's sincere, so he hears this and thinks "She doesn't like me anymore. She's just using me." How do you get from Point A (what the OP said) to Point B (what the man hears)? If the man took her words at face value, instead of giving her words some warped meaning of his own, he wouldn't be confused.

In fact, I think this situation happens a lot, it's really not that confusing. The men in this thread are only objecting because they're trying to convince women that it's never OK to say no to sex. The last thing they're gonna do is encourage women to stop having sex with them! I mean, look how sad this is: The OP is asking permission to stop having sex with her current guy! What is the world coming to? Since when do people need permission before they decide whether or not to have sex? And the worst thing is, people are saying no, she's not allowed to stop having sex with him. Apparently once you have sex with a guy, there's no turning back, now you have to continue having sex whether you want to or not. Where do men get this sense of entitlement?

[abn25]

Wow...i really started sump'n...lol, with the exception of shellyz's right on response, chickies need to stay out of the male forum

[VincenzoG91]

Having sex too soon? What, like under the table at the restaurant? For a guy, it's never too soon to have sex, unless we just had it.