3 years lost. I need some advice on how to cope with it.

[1averagejoe]

Ha! gigabitch I think you took that mom statement the wrong way. I dont know how much of this thread you read but half way through my the relationship I lost my mom and my gf was there for me so any problems I'd usually go to my mom for I'd go to my gf for, so that is what I mean by she became my "mom".

She got it fine and I did as well...that's weird and just don't.

Now what if I date loveforum.net can I no longer go to them?

Loveforum isn't that naive.

[sthforreal]

Yes I should stop going to her for my problems right now, but I think it will be OK to go to her once all the feelings for her have gone.

I hope u wont really do that, coz once u go to her again, thats when the feelings come back. She's not just some friend to u obviously. And u'll probably go through what ur going through right now all over again, u DO NOT NEED THAT. I said the same thing to my ex that I'd talk to him again once the feelings were gone before I cut him out of my life. I couldnt do it. And I felt worse and worse every day, coz I was busy counting the days when the feelings would completely fade away. Everytime I talked to him, I was so scared to hear what he was going to say, I didnt really want to know who he's dating or whatnot, but being friends means she/he would share things like that with u. And I cant handle that myself, so I just kicked him out. I still feel bad these days but removing him from my life is the only thing I could do to heal and protect myself, becoz I do not deserve to be treated like that.

You'll be fine. It takes time and it sucks. But you'll be ok again. =)

[swargolet]

Well it is still difficult since I can't completely remove her from my life, but I also dont have to talk to her about those things.
Now about having the feelings come back, I dont think that is completely true. I had a relationship a couple years ago that was pretty serious and when it ended it was pretty hard. I dont talk to that ex much but seeing pictures of her with current bfs or her talking to me about it really doesnt bother me. I really do think that the feelings will completely fade, but by then I will most likely have lost the closeness I had with her.

Joe and Giga, have you ever lost your closest parent? The parent that you would go to in times of need or anything of that nature? It is insanely difficult and it still is. When that happens you are left with a HUGE void in your life, and in my case my gf was there to fill that void. It wasn't something I planned it just happened. This is kinda what makes it so hard for me to try to not be close with her. I'd just be getting that huge void back. I know that there is probably a 95% chance that staying close will not work and will most likely be worse. I am just having a hard time really having that sink into my head. I can say it over and over but it is like I'm lying to myself, and I even realize that. I just hope it doesnt take a horrible event for it to really sink in.

I had one last thing to say. Lately I've realized that sometimes I think I will still get her back. Same thing as above. I know that it is a 99% that it will not happen, and that in my case is probably a 100%, but my mind still wonders back to it. I analyze certain situations way to closely and sometimes imagine a slight glimmer of hope. I think that once I can get passed this I will be much better, I just dont know how to get passed it.

[swargolet]

Well this New Years was outrageously hard. The night itself wasn't too bad but the morning was. Im guessing the night wasn't too bad because I was with friends and I was also pretty intoxicated so I wasn't really thinking about anything. But this morning I just fell apart. I know she is doing her own thing and so am I, but even knowing that she isn't with me is hard and it is even harder knowing that she is with another guy. I woke up with no one in my arms yet she most likely had someone in hers which kills me. I just keep thinking about it and I keep getting images in my head. I know I shouldnt but it isn't like I can just stop. I kinda feel like I should go out and try and find a nice girl to be with just to get my mind of things, but I know that is wrong.
I talked to a friend that found a girl a few days after his gf broke up with him and he said that the girl he found he ended up breaking up with her because he saw that he was dating her for the wrong reason. I dont want to do that, but at the same time I kinda do.

Its weird, I'm glad she is happy but at the same time it tears me up inside when I see her happy because I realize that it isnt me making her happy anymore. This living together crap really sucks since I do see her everyday.

It is really hard when she is here since I always just want to go up to her and hold her or talk to her, and when I hear her walk down the hall and not open my door it just rips my heart open again and again. I still get excited when I see her car pull in the driveway or I get a text/call from her and I dont know why I do because there is nothing I'm looking forward to from any of those.
I'm also worried what will happen in a week. One of my really good friends is going on vacation then back to college and he is the main guy I hang out with, so it will really suck being here then.

[swargolet]

Hey guys I've had some things happen the past couple days and wanted your advice.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster the past couple days and I was wondering how normal it is. One day I'll be just fine, I'll think I dont have feelings for her (my ex) anymore and everything seems better then the next day or next hour I'll just be a wreck. All the feelings come back sometimes even stronger, I feel like I can't live without her and that I dont have anything going for me where I could find someone else.
I really havent had a good nights sleep since we broke up. I often times wake early in the morning only to find myself thinking about the relationship and everything else and I cant get back to sleep.

A lot of it really is just that other guy. My mind keeps making these images of him and her together the way her and I used to be together. I also question how my our relationship was compared to the one she is in now and how they are different sexually. I wonder if the other guy is well endowed and if she likes that a lot more and I didnt please her like I thought I did. I feel as if I wasn't there for her when I needed to be and that I mightve been a bad boyfriend.

Also... I still question the break-up. All her reasons made sense but I personally cannot see how someone can lose feelings for someone else since I myself have never lost feelings for someone else (while in a realtionship) It just doesnt seem possible to me.

Lastly I had a small talk with my ex because I guess I was creeping her out. New years eve I guess I left her voicemail and texted her 3 longs texts. I'm sure a lot of it was because I was drinking and wasnt in my right mind, but now she thinks I'm stalkerish and obsessive. Well yes I am still madly in love with her and I guess obsessive but I dont try to be stalkerish. I'm trying to stay out of her life, but I still realize that I text her and just talk to her waaay too much, I just can't help it, which I know is bad. She also claims that her friend is creeped out because I called her a bunch and left voicemails all over her phone. Well I checked my recent calls and I only called her twice one of which I left a voicemail, and the last time I called was on the 17th. Her friend called me 4 times! last time on the 28th. So why do you think my ex said this? It isn't like I'm going to her friends house and watching her every move. Its just that when she is at our house I often times want to just see her and talk to her (i know it is bad but I cant help it), So really I dont see how it is stalkerish since I dont follow her around and ask her everything of every day what she is doing.
I really would like to break some contact since I am creeping her out, I'm just having a difficult time doing so and it will be even harder in a week when a lot of my friends will be gone and ill have to be at the house.

So the main question for you guys is, is a lot of this normal in a break-up? Also am I being stalkerish or is she over exaggerating?

[mad_love]

You're really making this difficult to yourself.

You CAN help it. No one else will. You have to come to your senses and just decide. Draw the line. Stop. Write it on a piece of paper and stick it somewhere you'll see it often. Just...don't do that anymore. And please, don't say you can't...you just don't want to.

Apparently, she decided to move on and she doesn't want you in her life anymore. It's a sad but true fact. Accept it.

Theres people around you, friends, colleagues...theres things to do. Hold THAT - it's you ticket out of this misery!

Good luck with that!

[swargolet]

Where to start?
Well I had that phone convo with her on Thursday and I havent spoken a word to her since then so that is actually quite a success for me. I spent the past 2 nights at a friends place and all the temptations I had to text her or call her I pushed back and made an effort to try something else. Friday I saw her for about 2 minutes at home but I never looked at her directly and I just walked out of the house and left.
Well these past 3 days were the easiest yet BUT...
I am now back at home and this is where the hard part comes. I will see her almost everyday now. I cant stay at friends every night. I WILL want to speak to her, hug her, etc... but I know I shouldnt. And yes I know I CAN stop it but it is 1,000,000x harder when she is within 20 feet of me! I will try my hardest to keep my distance.
I already made plans to hang out with a college buddy next week and hang out with some friends this weekend. Also I plan to go to my friends college with him a week early then 4 days before mine starts ill be going back. This might be good or bad since when I'm up there no one else will be, and I mean NO ONE!

Here is the next hard part. We both promised to have a talk this past Saturday which I missed since I was with friends. This will HOPEFULLY be my last talk with her for awhile about all this crap. My thoughts on a lot have changed and really I still believe that to make any friendship work in the future it will require small amounts of effort now, BUT I will be focusing more on healing myself than repairing anything with her, when the time is right to repair it I will.
I will be doing as much as possible in college, going to clubs, events, parties, meeting girls, guys. I am also going to try my hardest to get the best grades Ive ever gotten. Then finally I will most likely be transferring to a new college and living away from home year-round.
I have finally taken your guys advice to try and piece myself together first and not worry about her.
I know I have asked for advice and since I dont always listen to you guys many of you get frustrated and stop posting but I'm trying to just get through this now.
So my question now is... what do you guys suggest I should do at home to help keep my mind off her or stay away? It is too cold to do stuff outside and staying in your room the whole day gets boring. LUCKILY her room is on the floor below mine so maybe I can talk to her about something tomorrow. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to keep her distance since I guess I creep her out now . Maybe I can tell the parents something? Any ideas?

[IndiReloaded]

I know I have asked for advice and since I dont always listen to you guys many of you get frustrated and stop posting but I'm trying to just get through this now.

You've noticed? Good.

so my question now is... what do you guys suggest I should do at home to help keep my mind off her or stay away?

One of the things about growing up is learning to think about things and make decisions. Why don't YOU tell us what you think you should do & we can comment on your ideas?

[swargolet]

Honestly I havent had much luck with this. It isnt like I am not thinking about I am just not posting my ideas on here. I am into video games but I hate playing them all day. Other than that my house is quite boring which is why I try and leave. Maybe movies or TV. If it was nicer out Id be working on my car.
The problem when she is home since she is always around me and I do not know then. Her voice, hearing her walking, etc... all makes me just feel something (sad, mad, depressed, etc..)
As far as talking to her or the parents. I'm thinking about telling the parents I dont really want to join them for meals or family outings. I will also talk to her about just everything. What I'm currently doing to help myself, what I truly see in the future, what I want, life changes, feelings, everything.

[IndiReloaded]

How about spending some time at your local library? Lots of great books and usually good magazines that most ppl don't want to spend $ on.

Sit by the fire or whatever seating area they have there and relax. And learn. And the girls that go there will be smart.

[JasonVoorhees]

man, seems like woman at 17 that are in a relationship there a timer that at 17 there brain goes into a bad phase and want to abandon the relationship. iv been 3years with my gf and she left me without having a reason just to stay alone. i toled her i will not meet her anymore and she got crazy and got back with me. because she couldnt live without me. now after 3weeks she dumped me again.

dude i think you should play it cool and not cry on her that will make her abandon you. show her t hat you're moving and and that the pain has passed now even dough it didnt. don't loose all interest in her continue to talk to here but don't show her your needy. even if you msn or irc talk to her normal. but don't accept to meet as friend try to avoid going where she is or she will not miss you like that. also no webcams and shit. thats a rule she shouldnt see your face.

[lovesjoyajm]

Here's the deal. You've got a problem that LoveForum is trying to help you with. Every time someone posts a suggestion, you come back with "but...but... here's why it's hard/impossible for me to take that suggestion." I know, I've done the same thing, many times.

What you need to decide for yourself is: do you WANT to be happy? No, being happy isn't something instant that you can just decide one second and put into action the next, but it's a start. No one said this is going to be easy, or that it's going to stop hurting soon, or that they'd be able to do any better in your shoes.

Eventually you'll need to realize that being around her is BAD for you, not GOOD, and it's not HELPING you get over her, and you'll realize that you're tired of being miserable. Then you'll start taking everyone's suggestions, and slowly, slowly you'll begin to heal. You need to start the process, though, and don't discouraged because you're not feeling better every day. It takes time, but it also takes HARD WORK.

[swargolet]

Thanks lovesjoyajm. And I am sorry to everyone who gave suggestions that I blew off.

Indi thank you for the suggestion, too bad I'm not into books or else I would def. do that. But sitting around a fire sounds nice, maybe I'll go to a ski lodge with some friends.

These past couple days that I spent away from her have showed me how much it does help just to get away. I was stupid before and I made excuses to try and give myself hope. I will work on myself first by keeping my distance like you all said, then when the time comes IF it comes maybe talk to her again. I do realize that this could be a year down the road and that I must deal with the fact that time is the main factor here.
I would like to say one more time. I am extremely sorry to all the people that suggested things and I just through it right back in their faces. I am very thankful for all the suggestions and I think I'm actually going to go through this whole thread and read them all again since my view on all this has changed a little these past couple days.

[IndiReloaded]

Indi thank you for the suggestion, too bad I'm not into books or else I would def. do that. But sitting around a fire sounds nice, maybe I'll go to a ski lodge with some friends.

There you go again with the excuses^. You are a real 'glass half empty' guy, you might want to watch that. What the hell does "I'm not into books", mean?

Libraries have lots of ski magazines, btw. And car ones, and news ones, and sports ones, and... you get the idea. Also DVDs. And computers. Mbe you should actually go in on sometime. They aren't musty old buildings where geeks and old ladies in glasses hang out anymore.

[swargolet]

There you go again with the excuses^. You are a real 'glass half empty' guy, you might want to watch that. What the hell does "I'm not into books", mean?

Libraries have lots of ski magazines, btw. And car ones, and news ones, and sports ones, and... you get the idea. Also DVDs. And computers. Mbe you should actually go in on sometime. They aren't musty old buildings where geeks and old ladies in glasses hang out anymore.

Wait a second.. are you serious about that excuse or was that sarcasm? I'm not into books means I will never just sit down and read a book on my own for fun. I haven't since I was assigned one in school. I was unaware they had magazines and other things though, I knew they had newspapers. Maybe I will have to check out the library sometime, I could go to my schools library when I go back. I'm a fan of going to the student center and sitting at the fire place studying there.
Too bad I spent all my money on other things. There are some pretty good airline deals right now. I could go visit my brother in California. O well, maybe over the summer.