Go Elsewhere for sex

[Junket]

Yeah, sounds like a trap.

She might be pushing you to "cheat" so that she has reason to take everything you have when she files for divorce.

[rob258]

Hi again all,
I have indeed decided to go to counselling on my own, I desperately need someone to talk to. I am pretty sure that divorce/seperation is the only option now despite the fact that I do love her, which is why I never cheated on her all the years I went without sex.
I hadn't really considered the possibility of her having sex elsewhere to be honest, I am sure she wouldn't do that to me.
I really can't think of any other option - but if we do seperate, I wonder if that would mean do I have to wait until we are divorced before I had meaningful sex again (I know that sounds selfish, but that's basically what this whole problem is about anyway).
Thank you all, Rob

[Doc Durian]

If you must fulfill your sexual needs while in the process of getting divorced, don't risk it. Find some place with legal prostitution and fly there for the weekend.

Do the deed and don't talk about your dilemmas to anyone aside from your therapist. I think they have a confidentiality clause in their dealings with you. Check into it.

[Charlie Boy II]

are you sure it'll matter legally, if you screw around? Australia has a "no-fault" Family Law Act - i.e. a party's philandering has absolutely no bearing on the division of property.

[sookie6]

Hi again all,
I have indeed decided to go to counselling on my own, I desperately need someone to talk to. I am pretty sure that divorce/seperation is the only option now despite the fact that I do love her, which is why I never cheated on her all the years I went without sex.
I hadn't really considered the possibility of her having sex elsewhere to be honest, I am sure she wouldn't do that to me.
I really can't think of any other option - but if we do seperate, I wonder if that would mean do I have to wait until we are divorced before I had meaningful sex again (I know that sounds selfish, but that's basically what this whole problem is about anyway).
Thank you all, Rob

Rob I don't mean to stir your emotions even more on this issue, but I am curious to know why you love this woman?

What are the qualities that could redeem such poor behaviour?

I hope you're not one of these people who believe or was led to believe that you could never be loved my someone else????

I am pleased to hear you're going counselling. An excellent start.

[Doc Durian]

are you sure it'll matter legally, if you screw around? Australia has a "no-fault" Family Law Act - i.e. a party's philandering has absolutely no bearing on the division of property.

He's in the UK and he has children. He doesn't want to jeopardize a clean break... with the courts, with her, everything. Once divorced, he can do pretty much whatever he likes.

Until then, he's male and a traditionally scorned and hunted gender in the break-up stakes.

They may have fair division laws, but him openly grabbing a piece of arse to satisfy his needs will blow up in his face one way or another.

[rob258]

Rob I don't mean to stir your emotions even more on this issue, but I am curious to know why you love this woman?

What are the qualities that could redeem such poor behaviour?

I hope you're not one of these people who believe or was led to believe that you could never be loved my someone else????

I am pleased to hear you're going counselling. An excellent start.

Hi,

Well, she's given me three beatuiful children who mean the world to me, and she is also the only woman I have ever had sex with. I strongly get the impression that she thinks no one else would ever want me, and I do think that myself. I keep thinking this idea of wonderful sex with another woman is just hypothetical anyway, as if I can't obviously interest and satisfy the one woman I am supposed to, then no-one else is every going to want me either.

She is a good mother, and treats me reasonably well in every other respect, so I can't really complain on that score,and that is why I still love her. I am also hugely physically attracted to her, but she is obviously not to me, although looking back we both havn't changed that much in looks since we got married (ie I haven't got fat or let myself go or anything like that).

I am being careful not to pin too much hope on my counselling, although I really can't wait for my first appt in two weeks time. I keep hoping against hope that it will help, and am clinging to that thought for dear life.

I won't do anything to hurt my children, but I cannot find the words to express how deeply I want to feel the thrill warmth and pleasure of intimate sex again.

[Doc Durian]

Stick with the counseling, mate.

You've got integrity and the best of intentions but you're selling yourself short.

Best of luck and a toast (***cheers*** slurp/) towards your future with the real lucky lady.

Your life has just begun, for the better.

[Illusional]

how can you be sure that she isn't getting it from somewhere else? she told you to go get a slut. so it's not likely that she wouldn't do the same.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

Hi,

Well, she's given me three beatuiful children who mean the world to me, and she is also the only woman I have ever had sex with. I strongly get the impression that she thinks no one else would ever want me, and I do think that myself. I keep thinking this idea of wonderful sex with another woman is just hypothetical anyway, as if I can't obviously interest and satisfy the one woman I am supposed to, then no-one else is every going to want me either.

She is a good mother, and treats me reasonably well in every other respect, so I can't really complain on that score,and that is why I still love her. I am also hugely physically attracted to her, but she is obviously not to me, although looking back we both havn't changed that much in looks since we got married (ie I haven't got fat or let myself go or anything like that).

I am being careful not to pin too much hope on my counselling, although I really can't wait for my first appt in two weeks time. I keep hoping against hope that it will help, and am clinging to that thought for dear life.

I won't do anything to hurt my children, but I cannot find the words to express how deeply I want to feel the thrill warmth and pleasure of intimate sex again.

No offense, but as a mother and longtime married person I beg to differ about her mothering qualities. Part of being a good mother is teaching your children how adults build strong, mutually satisfying relationships. Even if you disagree or have problems, a good parent/partner will put the energy into finding a solution. What kind of message do you think she's sending your kids about how to treat a partner? That its okay to openly mock and ignore your partner's reasonable needs?

Sorry, she may love her kids but that doesn't make her a good mother. Frankly, her treatment of you makes her sound like a selfish bitch.

I'm not completely sure divorce is the way to go for you. See what the counsellor says, but I think you should consider taking a discreet lover. Keep it from her. If she asks, lie about it. Don't EVER have sex with her again.

If she suspects/discovers it and doesn't like it, too bad. I don't see this as any different from her telling you to get a slut. Tell her if she doesn't like it, SHE can file for divorce. I bet you she won't.

Good luck.

[rob258]

I agree, I don't think she would divorce me - namely for the fact that the world and life she says she enjoys so much seems to hinge on her marital status - well, in her mind it does at least.

I am going to wait to see what my counsellor says - but even if I did decide to look for love elsewhere discreetly - how do I do it? I don't know how to.

[SirWagginston]

I think your counselor will tell you you're not ready to look for love elsewhere, judging by the fact that you admitted to confidence problems as a result of your wife. I think divorce would have to be your first step. Get the best divorce lawyer you can as soon as possible. Do you have a lucrative-enough job to support that? Does she? It is imperative that your divorce plan remains entirely secret from her. I will suppose that she also believes you lack confidence, and to some degree is proud of herself for having bullied you to this degree. You would likely have the element of surprise, which would be very useful. It would allow you to already have your defenses, arguments and new arrangements planned out when she first learns of what is to come and must scramble to catch up.

[vashti]

I agree, I don't think she would divorce me - namely for the fact that the world and life she says she enjoys so much seems to hinge on her marital status - well, in her mind it does at least.

I am going to wait to see what my counsellor says - but even if I did decide to look for love elsewhere discreetly - how do I do it? I don't know how to.

yeah, I've never quite figured out how people manage that, either. It seems like it would be so much more complicated, and how could you ever know if you could trust them to be discreet?