Havent made love for over 3 weeks but she says she still loves me

[Albinoni]

how long have you guys been dating again?

About 7.5 months now, close to 8.

Funny thing is we both had a crush on each othe but I made the first initative to ask her outr but I knew her as a good frend for over 1 yr.

[RdHrshyKss]

alright, so you guys have a long enough history that texting her daughter isn't weird. i recant my earlier statement.

[Albinoni]

alright, so you guys have a long enough history that texting her daughter isn't weird. i recant my earlier statement.

Her daughter lives with her, shes 16 and I get along with her very well, infact sometimes spoil her rotten, we get along very well and I make her laugh all the time, yes girls love to laugh :-)

[RdHrshyKss]

alright, well if your gf is saying that she needs some space...then give it to her. no matter how much of an urge you have to text her or call her or stop by and visit, don't. don't contact her at all until she contacts you.

as far as the romance goes...does she have a history of sexual abuse or rape from previous bf? i would think this might be a major obstacle to hurdle when it comes to being intimate with her. it's about trust and for whatever reason, she doesn't trust you. i don't think there is anything you can really do but back off and suggest that she get some help...maybe visit a therapist to work out all her issues on her own.

[Albinoni]

alright, well if your gf is saying that she needs some space...then give it to her. no matter how much of an urge you have to text her or call her or stop by and visit, don't. don't contact her at all until she contacts you.

as far as the romance goes...does she have a history of sexual abuse or rape from previous bf? i would think this might be a major obstacle to hurdle when it comes to being intimate with her. it's about trust and for whatever reason, she doesn't trust you. i don't think there is anything you can really do but back off and suggest that she get some help...maybe visit a therapist to work out all her issues on her own.

Ok her ex husbnd use to beat her up, no rape but he was a downright an alcoholic, this was 17yrs ago tho. Her later ex bf's were just useless bloody arseholes, immature etc and bloody useless.

When I came into her life I helped her out, infact I think too much sometimes where she's got too clingy to me when it comes to favors. I asked her one day what does she like about me, and she said my personality, its very warm and she loves it.

I am sure I have my faults as well.

[girl68]

this thread is like the one with RAZE and someone else who basically had this 10 page long thread chatting. Why dont you guys chat or something instead of wall of text responses. I don't even think you need to quote there is only 2 of you.

[Albinoni]

this thread is like the one with RAZE and someone else who basically had this 10 page long thread chatting. Why dont you guys chat or something instead of wall of text responses. I don't even think you need to quote there is only 2 of you.

How do we chat

[girl68]

PM msn, facbook, etc

[Raze]

this thread is like the one with RAZE and someone else who basically had this 10 page long thread chatting. Why dont you guys chat or something instead of wall of text responses. I don't even think you need to quote there is only 2 of you.

X_X

I have no idea what you're talking about. *shifty eyes*

[RdHrshyKss]

i would PM, but it limits the length of your messages. and i don't know if i want this guy having any of my personal contact information .

plus, someone else who might be going through a similar problem could look up our thread and take advantage of all the useful information i have provided (slight sarcasm...hehe)

[Albinoni]

Hi rdHrshyKss, sorry for late reply been busy with work lol. First of to say thanks alot for your help and advice here and for what you have given me and I suppose you being a woman you know what a woman wants, so your advice is much appreciated. On the 2nd note I had a very serious think last night in bed on what you have said to me and what we've spoken about (especially coming from you) and have made the promise from my heart to take and follow your advice and lets hope it will work, because I think it will.

Some points to make here:

Communication

Its important to still keep the communication going with her and I wont ignore this, eg I will still keep sms'ing her etc to ask how she is, text her in the morning to say hi or good morning etc. They say communication plays an important role in a relationship. So I think its important to keep this going.

Making the moves, dates etc

Ok with this one, the ball now is in her court. I have and it has always been me doing the suggestions, eg lets go out to see a movie, lets have coffee, dinner etc etc i.e its had always been me doing the asking, well to say this time the ball is in her court and she for a change can do the suggestion and ask me out, I dont care where we go whether its movies, coffee, or even a picnic etc, but like I said I have done my best doing all the asking in the past and 90% of the time, so now the balls in her court.

Making Love/Sex

This one serious area that we both need to work on and like I said earlier on in this post I sometimes have trouble ejaculating, though not all the time, but again like you know she is also at fault and her fault also is a cause of my ejaculation probs as well. I.e her not seducing me or lack of foreplay and me doing all the work onto her, relationships/sex no matter who the couples are has to be a two way thing and I really hope and pray she will sit down and listen to what I have to say, this is something we need to discuss together her and I. On the other note I will def. cut back on my masterbation, plus I also think this could be contributing to the fault as well. But like i said I really hope she will sit down and listen to what I have to say and not push me away and have things her way. I know there is nothing wrong with me here at all, I am healthy, i dont drinl, smoke, drugs etc etc, eat good food, viatims etc, plus wth my past previous gf's I have abled to come without any hassles but again there was plenty of foreplay as well between us both. I'm not sure how her ex bf had sex with her and I dont dare to ask, but as far as I know he was a useless prick and a realy bloody arsehole, perhaps she has got use to his way of having sex, i.e bang bang bang and its all over with no foreplay. Like I said this is a very important area in our relationship that we seriously need to work on and I know when I dont come it upsets her.

Keeping the distance

By this I dont mean to 100% ignore her, basically not to get too heavy onto her, give her breathing space, play the game. Eg is she sms's me dont reply straigth away, wait 30mins or 1 hr or more before I reply, dont simply reply straight away.

Be Romantic

One in a blue moon buy her a preety bunch of flowers/roses and tell her that I love her or a small gift like perfume.

Learn to say NO sometimes

Almost everytime when she asks something from me, eg favours, needs or what ever I tend to fall to my knees and say yes yes all the time, but I think from now one sometimes I need to learn to say No but politely eg sorry I cant as I have somethng else on, or going out with a friend etc basically what I am saying here is not to give in to her needs all the time.

And finally always treat her like a lady, show and give her respect and help her out when she needs it.

And remember the old saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

[RdHrshyKss]

everything sounds good to me...

when you do sit down and talk to her, let her know that you care about her and have strong feelings for her, but that the relationship is lacking in one (extremely important) area...sex. tell her exactly how you feel. you don't have to get into major detail, because you don't want to hurt or offend her, but let her know that you haven't had problems ejaculating with past girlfriends. tell her that you've thought long and hard about what could be the reason for this problem, and that you are almost certain that it is because of the lack of romance and foreplay on her part. let her know that you understand that she might have some trust issues which make it difficult for her to connect with you on an intimate level, but that you need her to begin to make an effort. maybe couple's counseling could be a suggestion. a professional might be able to help her acknowledge a lot of the stuff that happened in her past and understand how it is affecting her in the present...they'll give you some suggestions on how to communicate better and feel more comfortable having sex.

when you go into this conversation, be sure that you stand your ground and let her know that you need an effort from her in order for things to progress in your relationship. if she tries coming up with excuses, tell her that you will not accept being thrown on the back-burner any longer. sex is an integral part of a relationship and if she is not willing to work with you on this, you will most likely have to gather the courage to move on.

[Albinoni]

I know I also have my faults as well as I am no angel either re sex part, like I need to cut down on my masterbation etc, it will be hard as its a habit but its determination that does it and will power, but on her side with the lack of foreplay etc it's really not good enough and when it comes to making love I like to take my time, feel each other, understand each other this is what I call true love, not some brothel style service just bang bang and me doing all the hard work and no imput from here and its all over. I make her come in 3 mins or 4, no probs what so ever, why because I clearly stimulate her and get her wet. She said to me during intercourse the man has got about 3 to 4 mins to come, which ok might be true, but thats during intercourse, but one thng has to lead to another. She also said to me once a while back when were making love and because I could not come, it meant I found her un attractive, that really upsetted me, her not admiting to her own faults. Also this might sound stupid but I wonder by me backing off a little bit will help improve our sex drive ?

We had a big argument over this about 3 or so weeks ago and she said to me that she has given me plenty of chances to come, meaning for me to improve myself and also by having sex more often in the past, but the sad thing was tho we did have sex etc, there was just total lack of 4play from her side, having sex is one thing, foreplay and sex is another.

[RdHrshyKss]

i think backing off will definitely help. since you have always been the one to come onto her, i think you backing off might make her crave you a bit and force her to make the effort to come onto you. she obviously has some self-esteem issues, which is no surprise due to her array of abusive relationships in the past. she needs to stop relying on you to initiate everything. have the conversation with her and then leave it in her hands. don't come onto her or initiate anything until she tries to do it herself. if it gets to the point where she hasn't made an effort at all in a long time, have a second conversation with her and tell her that this is it...she either makes the effort or you are out. you need to stick to your guns and stand by your word. otherwise she will never take you seriously and will always think that there will be another chance and another and another and another...you get the point.

[Albinoni]

She is a lovely girl and I truly and deeply love her very much, but she can be downright stubborn i.e I am right and your wrong etc, I know more than you etc, dont argue with me etc wow, this is why I think sometimes she fails badly and and also I sometimes find she lacks self confidence, hate to say it but its true also at times she can be anti social and not being locked up in your house all day. i know as a fact she has had bad sour relationships in the past, low life arseholes if you call it.

Funny thing is, we havent seen each others precence for 2 weeks not apart from sending sms's, well yesterday she rang me and she said to me that she misses me alot and I could tell bu the tone of her voice she did, than at 6/45am this morning I got a sms from her and she telling me that she loves me, so who knows prob this 2 weeks absence thing is working.