Cold feet to propose...

[JadenMia]

I figured I would post a follow up, we stayed together for 6 months to give it another go. Life as a couple returned to normal before the shake up but that same feeling about marriage still existed. I couldn't shake it. I did more reading on the topic and saw a therapist privately a few more times. We ended up going on the trip together and having a great time, but a few red flags popped up. I'm not really going to go into detail about the red flags but my experiences with my therapist and doing some great reading on the subject helped me greatly.

I broke up with her for good 1 month ago. It was messy, and she was devastated. The therapist told me that she could either be glad because she was already disconnecting with her threats of leaving if no engagement was ensued or those were meaningless threats. Were still sorting out the condo to this day. Not fun.

I learned that we had a very toxic relationship and that she (and me to a lesser extend) was emotionally abusive. My choices were to either stay with her or walk away. I finally came to grips with what I had to do to be happy and grew a back bone to break off the relationship. Things are still awkward between us and I loathe having to pick up things from the condo as she stated since I broke up with her I have to find another place to stay for the time being (I have been living with a variety of friends).

After I did it I felt immediately better, but to this day I still remember the good times and somewhat regret breaking up. Thought I keep my checklist that I made with my therapist to identify the emotionally abusive traits handy to remind me why sticking this out is for the better.

Its always nice to see a follow up of what happened and i think this is the best thing you could have done. Kudos for going to get therapy and figure everything out and see things for how they really are! Now you can concentrate on yourself and finding someone that you will love and enjoy to be with. All the best!

[Phoenix23]

She's controlling and you don't want the same things out of a relationship. Ending it was the right call.

[pisces25]

The truth eventually comes out. Well done for having the courage to break it off, it isn't easy. And it has only been a month so what you are feeling (doubt, nostalgia etc) are completely normal feelings so give it time and these will subside.

Thought I keep my checklist that I made with my therapist to identify the emotionally abusive traits handy to remind me why sticking this out is for the better.

I do this too, and used to read it everyday. Now I don't need to read it at all coz it is embedded in my head the guy was a complete shit and my mind now doesn't even wander to the good 'times' so when I think of him now it isn't in a positive light. This helps the healing process.

[pinkbunni3xz]

It seriously sounds like you just don't want to marry her.

It sounds to me that you are scared to lose her because it has been a great deal of time. But based on what you said you sound like you need someone who has a passion for life as you do, whereas she tends to play it safe. There is nothing wrong with her and there isn't anything wrong with you. You are not proposing because you simply do not want to. I would suggest you break it off because you guys have been dating so long if you guys aren't going to get married soon, I don't think think it will ever happen.
Do both of you a favor and just end it.