Why ladies, why?... Is logic not a strong suit for many of you?

[IndiReloaded]

HIA and Danny, do you two want to go and have some make-up sex now? B/c that is all that's really missing from your argument... LOL.

[HeartIsAching]

HIA and Danny, do you two want to go and have some make-up sex now? B/c that is all that's really missing from your argument... LOL.

He'd never go back to women.

[Mish]

Maybe someone can [actually] enlighten me as to how emotion trumps logic?

If you think about it, behaviour is actually controlled by feelings, not by logic. You don't eat because you recognize that the contents of your stomach are 2 thirds empty, you eat because you feel hungry. Likewise, in most other situations you take action because you feel something, people gorge on food when they feel sad, body build when they want to feel good when looking in the mirror, watch a movie because they want to feel excited. So I'd say, emotion is pretty damn important. Emotional intelligence at the moment is regarded as one of the most important pillars of a good leader.

[DannyH]

and that my friends is how to have a successful argument.... lmfao

[doppelgaenger]

If you think about it, behaviour is actually controlled by feelings, not by logic. You don't eat because you recognize that the contents of your stomach are 2 thirds empty, you eat because you feel hungry. Likewise, in most other situations you take action because you feel something, people gorge on food when they feel sad, body build when they want to feel good when looking in the mirror, watch a movie because they want to feel excited. So I'd say, emotion is pretty damn important. Emotional intelligence at the moment is regarded as one of the most important pillars of a good leader.

Incognito feels that his behavior is logical, and he feels his wife's is not.

[Incognito]

Hoooooly monkey that was a lot of responses! LOL I initially thanked a few people, but I need to also add thanks to HIA and DH. I got caught up reading their points of view and forgot to thank for the useful information.

@ Indi: I see your point about addressing the emotional aspect of a situation before the logical portion (concerning some people). I actually try hard to do the exact opposite since I don't think opinions and emotion matter than the reality of the given situation. That particular argument got to the point that it did because she bought up the issue and then proceeded to get pissy about it. That is when I left. I made sure that of what she was acting pissy about and once I was positive I removed myself. It makes absolutely no sense to me that she brought up the issue when it hadn't played out and then proceeded to get angry at me about it. However I see your point that people (especially a good deal of women) address situations on an emotional level first.

[Incognito]

@ HIA: I disagree with you regarding your statement that regarding someone's view as narrow minded and illogical is tantamount to calling her stupid. Many highly intelligent men and women have illogical/bias/narrow minded views on certain topics. That doesn't make them stupid in the slightest. I also chose that wording because the first rule of debate is to attack someone's point of view and no the person themselves. If you are going to say that I should simply avoid any negative wording being directed at her in any way I really really disagree. That is why I insulted her [view] of [that issue] and spelled it out as such.

I agree with a lot of what you said but wouldn't chalk every slightly negative action in a relationship up to abusive in some way. I think DH covered that though. I agree with your fear and anger correlation in some situations (like your example) but not all situations are the same, and everyone is different. Take for example if you had just told the kid not to go into the street. That could have caused genuine anger along with the fear. Going back to my argument, I left because I was disgusted that she bought up a topic and then got angry about it so I left. No fear there.

I totally agree with the "trust mind game" because I can understand that point of view (to a limited extent) and because I have heard it multiple times in this thread and from others whom I have discussed this with over the last few days.

[Incognito]

@ DH: The leaving had a twofold purpose. One was to get away because I thought she was being totally ridiculous, and the other (admittedly) was because she hates when I leave the house. When we have a fight I do indeed do my best to win the argument >>>IF<<< my point of view is more logical. If she pursues the argument more fervently from a strictly emotional point of view that is where I realize that logic means nothing to her at that point and I either engage from a more emotional point or I leave. If I engage emotionally I am usually angry/upset at the fact that she is being emotional and not about the issue itself.

Later on when we started talking and it turnd into another argument she said "you should have been a man and called me instead of sending a text message" KNOWING full well that she sends me a text message every time we argue. I absolutely did get angry, raised my voice, stood up, and pointed my finger. While that is an unacceptable response (yes, I know... an emotional one) it wasn't an argument issue, it was a hypocritical statement that was made with the intent to be hurtful/inflammatory.

@ asdfg: I certainly do come here to vent, but I also want to get as many objective opinions as I can since I am involved. The venting helps me calm down and say the things that I wouldn't/shouldn't say to my wife. The objective opinions at least help me understand views other than my own, and at most cause an epiphany that really helps me.

[Incognito]

I broke up the responses because I hate really long posts. I won't criticize others if I do a particular activity (or at least make an effort to do/not to do something). It seems both logical and not hypocritical.

[IndiReloaded]

So, how do you see this helping you and your wife? Its not healthy to just suppress your own feelings (and there are plenty, its obvious). This is sounding to me more a problem where neither of you are acknowledging the other's feelings. Maybe you should take turns speaking/listening (without interrupting) in a more formalized way when you are having a disagreement so you both have the opportunity to express yourselves. Ground rules, you know.

[DannyH]

If you think about it, behaviour is actually controlled by feelings, not by logic. You don't eat because you recognize that the contents of your stomach are 2 thirds empty, you eat because you feel hungry. Likewise, in most other situations you take action because you feel something, people gorge on food when they feel sad, body build when they want to feel good when looking in the mirror, watch a movie because they want to feel excited. So I'd say, emotion is pretty damn important. Emotional intelligence at the moment is regarded as one of the most important pillars of a good leader.

It's actually goes both ways. logic and emotions both effect behavior it's the balance of things that make it work. This is why problems tend to more happen when you think to much in to something or when your emotions take completely over. Balance is the key

[Incognito]

So, how do you see this helping you and your wife? Its not healthy to just suppress your own feelings (and there are plenty, its obvious). This is sounding to me more a problem where neither of you are acknowledging the other's feelings. Maybe you should take turns speaking/listening (without interrupting) in a more formalized way when you are having a disagreement so you both have the opportunity to express yourselves. Ground rules, you know.

I have handled a great many situations over the years by putting the logical reality before the muddled and murky emotional side. People usually appreciate that. Typically if there is an disagreement [outside of my home] I focus only on the issue and if I'm wrong so be it. If I'm right I try not to let the person lead me into an emotional battle where the original issue is forgotten and the argument/disagreement becomes about the fact that both parties have hurt feelings/pride over whatever insults were made. Obviously that isn't working in my home though, which bothers me immensely.

Amazingly I just moved into a house, and guess what was in a left over box from the former residents? A book. 'Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus". I just started reading it Friday and got about 1/16th through. Some of the information is insightful, but some seems a bit "more understanding" than I have the stomach for right now.

Going back to what you said, yes, we both have a problem acknowledging each others feelings. However that mainly comes from the fact that she cannot have a frank discussion where we put everything on the table without getting emotional (read: angry) about it. If she were cheating on me and decided to tell me I'd listen about the who, what, where, when and most importantly, the why before I decided to blow my top or not. I don't get that courtesy, and she told me that she will never be able to discuss any issue fully without being emotionally engaged. Perhaps this is where counseling might help. NOT someone giving their "expert" advice, but simply providing an outside, controlled talking environment.