Why ladies, why?... Is logic not a strong suit for many of you?

[Incognito]

Ok, now that I'm permanently branded a sexist no matter what I say or do after this I'll get on with my post...

I learned the following from my wife today:

1. If I say her >>>VIEW<<< is narrow minded and illogical it is tantamount to me calling >>>HER<<< stupid.
2. If she tells me to "don't say anything else" and to "leave her alone" that it ISN'T the same as saying shut up, despite the above mentioned [enlightenment] that I received.
3. Women want to be treated like everyone else (and not like a possession), but when treated like everyone else lament that they should be treated differently from everyone else.
4. 'Feelings' rule the day. No matter what day, or the time of day.
5. When logical argument angles are nonexistent play the victim card.

In regards to enlightenment #1, she hates the fact that I won't promise to do something before I know what I'm promising to do. She'll say "Hey, can you do something for me?" and then wait for an answer. I reserve the right to say "no" to anyone for anything, but once I say "yes" I'll do my damnedest to get it done. She actually got pissed yesterday, not because she asked me if I'd do something and I asked her what it was, but because it came up in discussion. She got pissy, so I left the house for a few hours. When I came back I got the expected ignore-fest. Didn't hear from her at work the following day (today), so I texted her and laid out my whole view again. I added that her viewpoint was narrow minded and illogical. I did so because she feels that simply because she's my wife that I am supposed to say "oh yeah, I'll do it... what do you need?". That won't happen, ever. The simple solution is to cut to the chase and ask me what you want done instead of playing games by asking me if I'll simply agree to do [something] before knowing details.

#2 is plain and simple.

#3 is sort of outlined in #1 in that I have that rule for everyone, but she feels like she should be an exception. Bottom line is that she walks on two legs and breathes air like every other human being I know, so why would I bend such a basic and logical rule?

#4 I won't be able to explain as well because I'd have to lay out the whole setting and argument along with supporting past events. It should suffice to say that apparently in the female universe 1+1=3... if you feel that it should.

#5 I never get tired of that one because I always always always see it coming. She did it today as a matter of fact. As soon as she realized that her feelings don't hold much weight against logic she shifted gears and spouted "Funny how it is ALL my fault....". The funny thing is that most of our arguments start because she feels (there goes that word again) a certain way about something and runs with it.

Maybe someone can [actually] enlighten me as to how emotion trumps logic?

[maxmax]

Maybe someone can [actually] enlighten me as to how emotion trumps logic?

Ask Spock ... and he will tell you that emotion is highly illogical.

[curiousgurl29]

Ever heard the old "men are from Mars and women are from Venus"? Well, we are built differently. Yes, we women (although men too sometimes!) are often ruled by our emotions!

[MaidenMinx]

May I suggest a lovely little book called why men don't listen and women can't read maps. It is brilliant. And it is written by a husband and wife! Not just one sex.

As for the asking you to do things before you know what it is, I understand both sides of this. She probably thinks and feels that as you're her husband you should want to do ANYTHING for her. Your insistence on knowing what she wants may translate as a reluctance to make her happy. (I will admit that I am just guessing here and thinking of how my thought process may have gone before educating myself)
I will often say to my husband "can you do something for me?" and the common responses are "yeeaahh?" or "what is it hun?" Now I don't take either of those responses as a guarantee that he will do what I need of him. It's simply opening the door for me to ask what I want of him. He can then say no if he has good reason to or I'm being too much of a butt pain.

Actually, your whole complaint sounds like a communication barrier and neither of you are feeling heard or appreciated. Maybe you need some mediation to get to the root of what's going on here. Oh and the feeling thing... some women let themselves get carried away with their emotions and see no need to try to control them. They actually think they have a right to act on their emotions, which is true to an extent but some women do it with no consideration of the effects on others. I was in that place for quite a while...

[Incognito]

I can kid of see someone's point of view when they say that their view is based on emotion, but when they say that an emotional opinion trumps logic.... I don't get it. Its like expecting to win against a machete wielding foe when all you have is a popsicle stick.

[MaidenMinx]

I think what she is trying to say there is basically "my mind's made up don't confuse me with the facts!" (had that on a fridge magnet) It comes down to the fact that she doesn't care for the logic, she is hurt and THAT is what should matter to you.

[Incognito]

I will often say to my husband "can you do something for me?" and the common responses are "yeeaahh?" or "what is it hun?" Now I don't take either of those responses as a guarantee that he will do what I need of him. It's simply opening the door for me to ask what I want of him. He can then say no if he has good reason to or I'm being too much of a butt pain.
.

That's the difference. I highly suspect that if your husband took the same stance as myself that you'd simply omit that wholly unnecessary step in the questioning process. She can't drop it, amongst other things. I take a bit of pride in many things that I do and in the consistence that I do them. When I say that I always ask what I am agreeing to before hand I mean [exactly] that.... always. She wants to force me to exempt her from that because she's my wife? That is asinine. Just ask what you want without the game playing. Sheesh...

[Incognito]

I think what she is trying to say there is basically "my mind's made up don't confuse me with the facts!" (had that on a fridge magnet) It comes down to the fact that she doesn't care for the logic, she is hurt and THAT is what should matter to you.

That doesn't matter to me... I'm weary of her being "hurt" over crap like this. Hurt/angry/depressed all comes off the same way with her: being a cold bitch.

[MaidenMinx]

It seems to me you are at an impasse. She wants something you are unwilling to give and she is unwilling to give up on. Someone in this scenario will have to bend before you both break. It does sound like she could use some counselling though to help her gain some emotional control.

And yes, I would change the way I spoke to my husband. Early on in our relationship he told me it put him on edge if I prefaced a question with "Just out of curiosity..". It took a while but I stopped using it.

And I also am often hesitant to agree to do something when I don't know what it is. Especially if it's my mum asking!! Maybe that is part of her hurt though, that you don't trust her to ask you to do things that you won't mind doing? (if that makes sense)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Incognito, is it you, or IncognitoSir whose wife won't have sex with you?


In any event, just leave when an argument starts. The best way to win a fight with an illogical woman(as you said, all of them), is not to fight or even try to reason. Just say, "okay", and go on about life.

[vashti]

I think you are far too consumed with being "right", when it probably doesn't even matter 90% of the time. Logic tells me that if something isn't really all that important, it is smarter to avoid arguing about it. That is the way to have a happy wife, and maintain your sex life.

[doppelgaenger]

The problem isn't women, it's your stupid wife.

[MerryH]

The problem isn't women, it's your stupid wife.

This. Exactly this. I started typing a reply after the OP first posted this thread, but deleted it because I couldn't figure out how to word it without it seeming like I was playing the sexism card and then saying something really terrible, like "We're not all as dumb and frigid as your shitty wife."

Doppel put it better.

[DannyH]

"she hates the fact that I won't promise to do something before I know what I'm promising to do."

That is like one of my rules. Never accept to do a favor before you know what it is. cause if you do accept before you know what it is you could be shooting yourself in the foot.

oh I would read cracked artiacle about "4 something anger management bleh for the internet" not the actual title I'm just being lazy it puts some logic behind fights

[misombra]

your sweeping generalization is a fallacy of logic.