I told my wife she can sleep with other men if it makes her happy.Is this gonna work?

[Wakeup]

"don't blame yourself for letting her do those things?"

IMO he has no control over her, he only has control over himself. If he stayed and aided and abetted then he's enabling her to be the mess she is. His relationship is based on codependency which is a form of addiction in itself.

I stand by my opinion that this man needs therapy as much as she does and if they ever stop "waiting" to get therapy,* her councellor will want to see him and likely the children as well, just as much as he/she will want to see his wife.

This kind of dysfunction rubs off on everyone within the family.

[searock]

"don't blame yourself for letting her do those things?"

IMO he has no control over her, he only has control over himself. If he stayed and aided and abetted then he's enabling her to be the mess she is. His relationship is based on codependency which is a form of addiction in itself.

He knows that now, but he didn't when he let her get the tattoos (I think). If he keeps letting her do whatever she wants now that he knows she has a problem, it is onto him as well.

I stand by my opinion that this man needs therapy as much as she does and if they ever stop "waiting" to get therapy,* her councellor will want to see him and likely the children as well, just as much as he/she will want to see his wife.

This kind of dysfunction rubs off on everyone within the family.

I agree.

[PawlsToTheWall]

I stand by my opinion that this man needs therapy as much as she does and if they ever stop "waiting" to get therapy,* her councellor will want to see him and likely the children as well, just as much as he/she will want to see his wife.

You're right. If I stay with her, I'm gonna need therapy just to survive through the end of her disorder. Bipolar tendencies seem to fade into older age. My father lost all of his symptoms at age 51. So this could be a very long road, but if we both get therapy, it could be ok.

Or I could just leave her and eventually be myself again, while she goes off the deep end. I can't let that happen to her
She's asking for my help, so how can I not sacrifice myself a bit to help the mother of my children?

[Wakeup]

You're not going anywhere and it doesn't matter what any of us say here so all I'll say further is that you NEED to look after yourself while you live in the dysfunction. Your children have the right to eperience what it's like to be with healthy, happy and functional parents. The least you could do was make sure that they have one parent that is giving them the healthy nuturing and upbringing that they have to have to become good citizen of thier own mind, thoughts and emotions. Don't let your co-dependency screw them up as grown ups.

Be well and good luck to you all.

[searock]

You're right. If I stay with her, I'm gonna need therapy just to survive through the end of her disorder. Bipolar tendencies seem to fade into older age. My father lost all of his symptoms at age 51. So this could be a very long road, but if we both get therapy, it could be ok.

Or I could just leave her and eventually be myself again, while she goes off the deep end. I can't let that happen to her
She's asking for my help, so how can I not sacrifice myself a bit to help the mother of my children?

Just get therapy, the both of you (perhaps even your children?). It will help a lot. Good luck :-)