Love, Drugs and BDSM...

[Wakeup]

Let us know when you shag again. (cause you probably will) Should be interesting how it comes about this time and what excuses you give one another about not being good enough for one another to actually be in a relationship. :o)

[TheCafeTerrace]

Let us know when you shag again. (cause you probably will) Should be interesting how it comes about this time and what excuses you give one another about not being good enough for one another to actually be in a relationship. :o)

Well I won't say no, but she's holding all the cards right now - I'm all for having a relationship and shagging if she was too, but apparently she doesn't. I think I'm good enough to be in a relationship with her already, it's not my confidence or self-esteem that's the issue. I actually think quite highly of myself.

[IndiReloaded]

Let us know when you shag again. (cause you probably will) Should be interesting how it comes about this time and what excuses you give one another about not being good enough for one another to actually be in a relationship. :o)

Yep. Agree with WU on this. Something else going on here. I can't believe dating has changed *that* much in the generations.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Sorry, I don't understand at all what you're saying. :S How has dating changed? What else is going on here? What excuses? I'm very confused by these posts.

[HeartIsAching]

Wow. Indireloaded, toknow and Wakeup pretty much covered everything I was going to. No point in me posting here.

[TheCafeTerrace]

And the most ironic post of the day goes to....

[HeartIsAching]

LOL on the 'help'!



That's an interesting perspective. No messy feelings or anything after? Not even from him? I'd worry about one or both getting attached (guys do too after sex). But I guess the importance part is your comment he wasn't 'bf material'. I've had male friends with this kind of attraction. Difference is, they are definitely relationship material (so am I, I think) and I can imagine things going sideways after sleeping together.

It happens. I had one like that once... we boinked, got it out of the way and then were just really good friends.

[MaidenMinx]

Ha! I once slept with someone while we were both tripping on LSD. The trip was truly extraordinary, and the sex was interesting but I hallucinated being on a pirate ship and kept getting interrupted mid-shag by some mind-blowing new insight about the universe.
If he asked you out on a date an told you that you weren't just some girl he wanted to screw, would you have gone for it? Would you have believed him even?

Hahaha!! Luckily for me, all my hallucinations are just colour movement so that was nicely enhanced.

Ummmm, It's very hard to imagine the 'dating' scenario, because I knew that was exactly what he didn't want. But, supposing your scenario.... I don't know. Back then I had a hard time letting guys down. I dated a guy I wasn't interested in 3 or 4 times because he was hoping a one night stand would become something more. So yeah I probaly would have given him a chance, but even though we were friends, with common interests, there was nothing else there. No spark, no real attraction beyond the physical.
I'm hoping that's not the case with your girl.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Unfortunately I think that's exactly the case.

[MaidenMinx]

Well, try not to let it ruin your friendship. With time she may change her mind, just don't count on it.

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, I don't understand at all what you're saying. :S How has dating changed? What else is going on here? What excuses? I'm very confused by these posts.

But, supposing your scenario.... I don't know.

To answer your question, Cafe, I guess I 'don't know' either, hence my post. In my realm, you don't do things like put your head in the lap of a guy you aren't into. That's a sign of affection, which is not typical if you are just physically attracted. I'm quite a lot older than you, Wakeup even moreso, and I think we agree there is something weird about the reasons you aren't getting together.

You dig each other sexually, you are friends, there is affection. What is the 'excuse' for not getting together? There's something else going on here, IMO. Are you on different career paths? Is she looking for something you aren't, longterm? What is the issue?

[TheCafeTerrace]

That's a sign of affection, which is not typical if you are just physically attracted.

Maybe this sounds strange, but actually for us it's very typical, and not just for me and her - pretty much all of my friends. Perhaps I should clarify a little: I was lying on the floor leaning against the arm of the sofa, she was lying perpendicular to me with her head sort of propped up on my thigh. There are usually around ten of us squeezed into a small living room with only 2/3 sofas, over the years we've got used to being close physically I suppose. My other girl mates and quite a few of the guys all do similar things now and then, I didn't really think anything of it.

What is the 'excuse' for not getting together? There's something else going on here, IMO. Are you on different career paths? Is she looking for something you aren't, longterm? What is the issue?

I'm not so certain about the affection, but I'll go along with it for now. In less than a month we each go for one last year of university at opposite ends of the country doing a masters, I don't know what's going to happen after that. As for careers, she's going to work in the foreign office so she'll be based in London, but the kind of work I do is all over the UK (I work with a designer, sort of freelance for the bbc doing sets for TV dramas and stuff. I'm planning on starting my own design business in a few years.) I don't know what she's looking for long-term, apart from the fact she's incredibly career-focussed.

There's something else I should maybe tell you too. I've never really had a propper girlfriend before, but up to the age of 13 I had a friend who lived a couple of doors down from me, we used to walk home from school holding hands and she was my first kiss and stuff. She got leukaemia and died. At school I was known for a while as the kid who's girlfriend was dead, and that put a lot of girls off me while at school apparently. They didn't want to be seen as the one stealing the dead girl's guy or something, I dunno. That seems like too long a time ago for it to be affecting her opinion now I think.

[IndiReloaded]

Maybe this sounds strange, but actually for us it's very typical, and not just for me and her - pretty much all of my friends. Perhaps I should clarify a little: I was lying on the floor leaning against the arm of the sofa, she was lying perpendicular to me with her head sort of propped up on my thigh. There are usually around ten of us squeezed into a small living room with only 2/3 sofas, over the years we've got used to being close physically I suppose. My other girl mates and quite a few of the guys all do similar things now and then, I didn't really think anything of it.

Okay, maybe I'm just out of it with the generational thing, but my gut still says 'denial'. Afterall, she still chose to sit with/on you.

Not sure about the rest of your info except it does sound like she's moving toward a more stable (respectable?) career than you are. No judgement, just how some might view it. I don't think what happened to your friend years ago is relevant. Sad (I'm sorry), but I doubt its related to your current situation.

[asdfg789]

It happens. I had one like that once... we boinked, got it out of the way and then were just really good friends.

@HIA and MM, this is hard to imagine for me personally. Either the sex was really bad and hence no desire to repeat, or both parties had better alternatives at that point in time.

[MaidenMinx]

@HIA and MM, this is hard to imagine for me personally. Either the sex was really bad and hence no desire to repeat, or both parties had better alternatives at that point in time.

Don't get me wrong, being able to stay friends is, no sorry was, usually an issue for me. That particular circumstance, it was simply a matter of timing, understanding and well, for me, the right psychedelics. The sex was great to be honest, though I did find him too wiry for my liking, but he was a skinny drummer, so all wiry muscle. There seemed to be an unspoken understanding that it would be a one off and that we would just enjoy it for what it was. In a way, it was the most honest sexual interactions I have ever had with someone and yet nothing needed to be said.