Too many chances

[artyemi]

i just got around to reading what the other people recommended..

look, when you think of sending her a text message, you can replace it with something else, like maybe you can send me a private message.

or when you think of calling her, write her a letter, but don't send it to her. keep it.

or you can post something here. everytime you think of writing her, post a new post. it helps.

it helps me.

[spartacus]

I have actually written a letter this afternoon but havent sent it... Id love to send it to her, but Im scared of the consequences to be honest. If I knew it would do some good Id send it.

Dear xxxxxx

This will come as a most welcome letter from me as it will be my last. I have promised myself, and others that I would never contact you again without your permission, however I feel I wanted achieve something positive by writing to you just one last time.

I hope you, your friends, and your family don’t consider this to be harassment as I mean what I say and I also hope it will go some way to helping us both at a difficult time. I’m not writing to you in the hope to get some kind of response or ongoing contact with you, and you have my word that I wont contact you again without invitation.

Firstly I would like to explain that I understand how you are feeling right now. I have done some inexcusable things recently which have resulted in me loosing not only my best friend, but also someone I love very much and someone I have much respect and admiration for. I understand that you are scared of me, and my reaction to our break-up hasn’t been the most controlled. I was annoyed at you for the way you ended the relationship at a difficult time for me, and became cold towards me after we had been friends for so long and I had done so many supportive things for you. I felt used by someone who I trusted 100%. What I also found most frustrating was the way in which you justified your actions to other people which laid the blame firmly in my court. I don’t feel this was fair and none of the reasons you gave for ending it were serious or non-repairable. Ending a relationship is always hard and personally I know of some which have been much worse than this and nobody can expect to hurt someone who cares for them without having some kind of backlash. All I’ve tried to do over the last 7 weeks is establish some kind of level terms on which we can talk because I value your friendship more than any other. Perhaps I tried too hard, but I felt that we had something very special and didn’t want to loose it. I don’t see that there is anything wrong with that.

Secondly, I cannot stress enough to you and everyone else, that all the things I've said or done recently were purely verbal. I am not a violent man, nor have I ever been and there is no amount of anger in the world that could make me harm another person. There are people who I've known a lot longer than you who will confirm this. People around you are obviously concerned about you and my actions recently have done nothing to encourage them to think that I wouldn’t hurt you but they don’t seem to understand that this isn’t just one sided. At no point in time were you ever in any danger from me and I think my track record proves to everyone that I’d never be voilent. I'm not sure if im more disappointed with my action, or everyone elses reaction. I like to think that deep down you understand that I have been under immense pressure for such a long time and that recent events have left me weak and unable to think straight. I'm am truly sorry for the things I have done and I hope while I have been like this you haven’t suffered too much pain as that is the last thing I would ever want you to feel.

Lastly, I have an appointment to see a Councillor to overcome what has happened recently between us. I hope me telling you this goes some way to show you that I regret what has happened and I am taking positive steps to change not only my life but also the relationships that form part of it. I would like to invite you to come along as it would most definitely help us to become friends again, which would mean a great deal to me, but I know you wouldn’t come and don’t value our friendship as much as I do.

I really would like to draw a line under what has happened and try to be friends. I understand though why you may not want to but the door will always be open to you. Those that spend time with you now are the lucky ones.


Yours always.

[artyemi]

oi.. things we want to do, and no matter what anyone says, we're still going to do them anyway..

what are you going to do with that letter?

what's going to happen if you send that letter?

what do you want to happen if you send that letter?

[spartacus]

Im not going to anything with it at the moment. I was thinking of waiting a few days, and see how I feel, but I'll probably not send it. I was thinking of waiting to see the councellor on thursday and taking it with me and showing him what I was planning to do and see what they say.

If I send the letter Id like to think it would reassure her that Im not going to hurt her, and I accept that the relationship is over and Im trying to move on but would like to be friends, but thats her choice.

Im not sure what would happen. It would either get thrown in the bin, or read and have no impact, or read and I'll be in trouble I guess.

It doesnt seem threatening to me though. I was trying to reassure her and add some closure to the whole affair.

[artyemi]

hey.. hussain's got a great advice.

no matter what you do, it isn't going to change what the other person feels about you.

make your new obsession posting on the forum.

that's what mine is. haha

and guess what?

the sun is coming out.

the more you dwell on something, the worse it seems.

[spartacus]

the thing is, although I perhaps realise that its over now, I cant help but have hope for the future. why shouldnt I? Nobody knows what the future will bring and if Im out shopping one day and see her why shouldnt I stop and say hi? why wouldnt we perhaps arrange to see each other again? Why couldnt we renew our friendship at some point?

[artyemi]

okay, you said "perhaps realize that its over now."

just perhaps? you have to understand that it is over now, and accept that it's over now. NOW is the key word here.

"at some point" in the "future"

now is the concern. right now, you have to leave her alone.
if she wants you, she'll seek you out.

[spartacus]

Im sooooo tempted to email her right now. I dont know why. Ive written 5 emails now and Ive deleted them all without sending them. I want to say something to her. I want to tell her that Im glad its over because of the way shes treated me. I want to tell her that I dont want the relationship anymore because she has been really really selfish. She really hant considered my feelings at all in all this.

But on the other hand I want to say something nice to her. I want to tell her that she has no need to worry about me being angry, and that I want her to be happy and Id like us to be able to talk and laugh about whats happened.

[artyemi]

yes, yes.. we all have been through that..

but the best thing is not to contact her... keep it up..

[Promise]

The conflicting feels you feel is normal spartacus. Just be patient, and with time, it'll get better.

I agree with artyemi. The best thing to do is to continue the no contact policy. If you do so, there is more hope for you in the future with her then if you continue to contact her through email, and hoping that she'll develop some sympathy to want to respond back somehow.

Know one thing though, and it's that your not the only one feeling this. She's feeling this aswell, although it might not appear that way. Nobody is wicked enough to dissappear from your life, and have no feelings of remorse, or sadness of any kind. Trust me on this.

[spartacus]

You'd be surprised!! she has become so cold towards me its not true.

However, I was talking about it earlier to a friend over lunch, and she said the same. It doesnt matter how much you want to end a relationship you have still spent a large part of your life with someone so those feelings dont go away overnight.

She also said that shes known me a long time and seen me go through all sorts of things, and there is no way i could be considered violent and I'm just too good natured. She couldnt understand how anyone could be scared of me.

My ex has kept herself busy, and told my mum the other day that she did miss me at first but she doesnt now. I personally dont believe that. We were the best of friends. That cant dissapear in 7 weeks surely?

I feel much much better today.

[artyemi]

glad you feel much better today...

sure, probably does still miss you. but don't you worry about what she's feeling. just concentrate on the fact that you have to move on.

[spartacus]

To be honest, the only reason I feel a littel happier is because I while I was talking about the situation with a friend over lunch it made me feel more positive about the situation. I told my friend pretty much everything that had happened and this morning before I met her I was startin to think how selfish my ex had been about the whole thing. I was thinking that perhaps the relationshiip wasnt for me after all and than I wouldnt want to be with someone who could treat me like that.

While we were talking, my friend concluded that she couldnt understand why she had ended the relationship and why she had treated me like that particularly after me eing involved in the death of a family member.

She said I should write to her. It was that line alone which made me more lighthearted about it. Perhaps a falso hope, although while I know I shouldnt do that right now and Im able to show some kind of restraint I would like to write to her at some point. maybe in a couple of weeks.

While Ive been sitting here for the last hour though Ive been thinking that perhaps she wasnt coming back after all.

[artyemi]

your friend sounds like a cool person.. that's where you need to concentrate your time. focus on sharing time with your friends, your feelings.. your hurt, anger, frustration..

and slowly, you'll get better...

that letter can wait.. just let it keep waiting.

[spartacus]

The hardest part is getting hope out of my head. Im still clinging onto it in the hope she will change her mind without any intervention from me.

Ive done so much damage that she is really scared of me. Everyone who knows me knows Im not like that. I would love to be able to explain to her that shes got it wrong. We spent four years together and 8 years as friends. How could she know Im not like that?

Ive been ok all day and now Im starting to drift again so Im just typing for the sake of it. Im trying really really hard to keep hold of it right now. I keep telling myself to wait until Ive seen the councellor on Thursday. I'll tell them I want to write to her etc and see what they say.

Its been 7 weeks and Ive only just begining to realise shes not going to take me back. How can she just forget about me like that? Does she hate me? Perhaps she does right now, but then I think I'll leave it and then she'll maybe alm down.... but then I think what if I take too long and she meets someone else? what if shes out having a good time meeting people?

I keep finding things on the internet about winning back lost lovers. Ive found books and Ive bought them, Ive tried hororscopes and tarot cards etc. Ive never had the time of day for that kind of thing. Ive even looked into buying one of these spells to win back lost lovers? are they real? they cant be can they?