Self esteem...where does it come from?

[DoesntMatter]

DM, you are a dangerous, extremist, far left Liberal (according to many muslims)

And you're a fuzzy, cuddly Australian that I'd turn gay for

[ecojeanne]

The trouble with life and self-esteem is, you're halfway through life before you realise it's a do-it-yourself thing.

[Dasein]

The trouble with life and self-esteem is, you're halfway through life before you realise it's a do-it-yourself thing.

Exactly Eco!

If your parents didn't raise you to have positive self thoughts then you are behind the 8 ball. By the time you get to an age where the realisation strikes you that your self esteem is in the toilet it is often when your character is pretty much fully developed and harder to change.

[0001]

The trouble with life and self-esteem is, you're halfway through life before you realise it's a do-it-yourself thing.

The thing is, while that can be true for many people it's not true for all. Which means that there are definitely ways to escape the vicious cycle of low self esteem early. The model I proposed earlier allows for just that. All it takes is a little thought about what exactly self esteem is.

[boobaa]

Today was a good day. I got drunk as hell, I had a fight, punched my friend in the face several times and got hit too. My lip and eyebrow are a bit swollen now. it was a friendly fight but it shure was good.

[Mish]

The trouble with life and self-esteem is, you're halfway through life before you realise it's a do-it-yourself thing.

In that case, it's a good thing I realised I had a low self esteem when I was 15. I think I did well building it up since then. Ever since then my quality of life sky rocketted.

[DoesntMatter]

Today was a good day. I got drunk as hell, I had a fight, punched my friend in the face several times and got hit too. My lip and eyebrow are a bit swollen now. it was a friendly fight but it shure was good.

Are you sure that was a fight? Are you sure it wasn't just rough homosexual sex you were having?

[misombra]

my self-esteem comes directly from crushing the self-esteem of others.

[ecojeanne]

In that case, it's a good thing I realised I had a low self esteem when I was 15. I think I did well building it up since then. Ever since then my quality of life sky rocketted.

ye, this makes sense, the less confidence (self-esteem/like themselves) one has, the worse they do..... the more confidence one has, the better they do. which pretty much says we are responsible for our happiness and well being. i think one could live in what another person could consider a bad quality of life and still be very happy.

[doppelgaenger]

my self-esteem comes directly from crushing the self-esteem of others.

I take it, Mike doesn't wear the pants?

[Tedel]

Self-esteem, in my opinion, is one of the worst inventions of psychologists. Now every human failure is due to a problem in someone's self-esteem. You can't just make a mistake, you have got to have a problem with your self-esteem because you had a trauma when you were a child...

Life's greatest b******t ever.

(By the way, no, you don't need to agree with me. It's OK if you think different.)

[ecojeanne]

Self-esteem, in my opinion, is one of the worst inventions of psychologists. Now every human failure is due to a problem in someone's self-esteem. You can't just make a mistake, you have got to have a problem with your self-esteem because you had a trauma when you were a child...

Life's greatest b******t ever.

(By the way, no, you don't need to agree with me. It's OK if you think different.)

i would disagree tedel....hehe

a person in reality makes mistakes of course, but its how one handles it deep down that leads to whether a person is happy with themselves or not (self-esteem), and how well we can move on from it. some people don't find it easy to cope with mistakes and personal flaws and can let it consume them.

what would be your suggestion as to what it should be called then?

[Shadow2121]

Joining the military has helped me with self-esteem issues....sign up today at the local recruiter!

No, I think as you get older you realize what you thought that is important actually is not the case. I use to be very insecure about certain things, that now I think is just plain silly.

[Junket]

Joining the military has helped me with self-esteem issues....sign up today at the local recruiter!

No, I think as you get older you realize what you thought that is important actually is not the case. I use to be very insecure about certain things, that now I think is just plain silly.

The military will hype up your self esteem because it's good for combat. And it's easy to get all prideful when you have little more to worry about than following orders.

A lot of people come out and realize suddenly that everything isn't provided by uncle sam anymore more. Especially the guys who joined as teenagers. The military does no properly prepare those who are not already used to being independent.

[Tedel]

i would disagree tedel....hehe

a person in reality makes mistakes of course, but its how one handles it deep down that leads to whether a person is happy with themselves or not (self-esteem), and how well we can move on from it. some people don't find it easy to cope with mistakes and personal flaws and can let it consume them.

what would be your suggestion as to what it should be called then?

If you like to read, I recommend you a book called Fear for Freedom by Erich Fromm. He gives a great theory there.

Maybe this answer will fall short for your question, but, if a person cannot cope with their own mistakes, then I would try to remind them they are human beings, not gods.

My point is simple: Life is very simple and we allow many things like tradition, rules and laws to complicate it for us. If you ever see a boy or girl in the streets, they are happy. Teenagers laugh. Adults are usually the ones who feel miserable.

Why? It is not a matter of self-esteem, I'm sure.

In my opinion, it is just because we get used to think that we are our mistakes, wrongdoings, errors or disgraces permanently. By means of example, imagine that I was very careless one day and I ruined, without knowing, something that was very important for my friend. That doesn't make me a ruin-it-all 24/7, but a lot of people think they become that! Consequence? They keep themselves from achieving things just because they can't: "I am a ruin-it-all, I can't do that", they repeat inside their heads.

That is not self-esteem, you see? That is just being silly. In a moment, parents forgot how to teach their children to be happy, that's it.