Really?

[Cain]

Personally I don't think you are controlling (or at least don't have enough evidence to make that conclusion). And I agree, I've noticed you change you opinions from time to time so it's not like you are set in your ways. What I've noticed is a tendency to go a bit further across the line than you should when in disagreement sometimes. A tendency to attack the person with opposing view instead of engage in some form of diplomacy to come to some sort of understanding. And you are not alone, there are others who do that as well. But I think your life might be a lot easier if you lessen the more aggressive urges in favour of more understanding ones. You can get the same point accross more effectively that way.

I can agree with your points more than I can agree with most of the ones posted so far. I definitely admit that I step over the line at times. I also admit that is something I should work on and I'll actually attempt to. I'm not used to being entirely civil to people that do certain things that I don't agree with... i.e. cheating, attempting suicide, being overly easy...

[Cain]

Yep, they are a match if she stays the way she is now. But, as soon as she makes those 'improvements' that are discussed here or as soon as she breaks the passiveness pattern that she has now, conflict may occur. I would make sure I notice that my current attitude may conflict with the new and improve partner that she hopes to become...that is independent in decision-making, more confident in oneself, and more assertive.

How will these changes conflict? I WANT her to start making decisions. I don't want to make all the decisions. I don't know if maybe some of you thought that because I make the decisions I'm controlling... no... I can't get her to make a damn decision. When she finally starts doing that, I'll be thrilled.

[misombra]

i don't think cain is that bad. i think he's just young and has some stuff to learn.

[shh!]

Yep, they are a match if she stays the way she is now. But, as soon as she makes those 'improvements' that are discussed here or as soon as she breaks the passiveness pattern that she has now, conflict may occur. I would make sure I notice that my current attitude may conflict with the new and improve partner that she hopes to become...that is independent in decision-making, more confident in oneself, and more assertive.

A changed attitiude can create a conflict for him NOW. His girlfriend depends upon him to be the assertive partner. If he changes, she will be forced to change too, and she may not be up for the task. As long as what they have is working, and he isn't abusing her, and they both seem happy, then eh... leave it alone, I say.

Cain sounds more protective to me than anything else, and perhaps a bit idealistic.

[Cain]

Cain sounds more protective to me than anything else, and perhaps a bit idealistic.

^ That ^

I agree. I know that my views are out there sometimes and that I appear to be a mean prick when I give some advice. This is my place to vent since I don't do it in the real world. I also seem to hold on to ideals that most people have long since abandoned. That isn't wrong.

And yes, I'm protective of her. I know everyone says that she needs to be able to take care of herself, but she has gone through too much in her past and it had messed her up too bad for me to let it happen if I can help avoid it. If something like a couple of the bad things that happened to her happen again, she's going to be an emotional mess (which is what she was when we first started dating and it gave us so many problems) and we might not make it through it. I'm just watching out for her, but never once aside from the frat house thing, have I attempted to use any control. She has complete freedom to do as she pleases as long as she isn't going to hurt herself... and I think that most partners would try to stop a partner if they were going to do something where they could hurt themselves.