Really?

[Cain]

So, I just got back from a long weekend with my gf... and it was much needed since I hadn't seen her in a month. Anyways, I'm curious about something that she and I talked about. Is it normal for girls to assume that no guys find them attractive? Like... my gf doesn't find herself attractive at all (this, apparently, is normal).. and because of this, she thinks that no guys find her attractive. Now, aside from telling her that she is beautiful yada yada, I told her that she needed to stop assuming that guys don't find her attractive. I think that if she stops assuming that no other guy will ever like her, then it'll be easier for her to spot guys that are trying to get into her pants... since I can't be there for another several months.

Basically, I'm just looking for some opinions on this... am I looking at it the right way? Wrong way?

[misombra]

i choose wrong.

i think you should tell her she's beautiful without any ulterior motives.

they all are trying to get in her pants, who cares if she knows or not. she's probably not gonna do anything about it.

are you a jealous guy cain?

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m8wvKwHqYM"]YouTube - Jealous Guy[/ame]

[Cain]

Nah. If I was jealous, I wouldn't be able to do a long distance relationship for as long as we have. She doesn't hang out with guys on a regular basis. Most of the time, whenever a guy is around, it's because they were hanging out with her roommate or just happened to be around while she was hanging out with some female friends.

Also, I wasn't telling her she was beautiful because of ulterior motives. I tell her that all the time regardless of what I say after. I just wanted her to know that she can't just wait until a guy tries to kiss her to determine if he likes her.

[misombra]

i say let her take care of that on her own, cain.

i think you may be a little jealous.. but i know it's hard to admit.

[Mish]

From my personal experience I found that a lot of girls seem to depreciate their appearance and think that they look worse than they actually do. I found that in general to overanalyze and worry is one of the stranger feminine traits. Indi had an interesting explanation of why this might be from scientific point of view some time back. I can't explain why some women do that. I think gentle positive support is the way to go with this.

[Cain]

It's not about that... not at all. She goes to the bar, she hangs out with friends, and she even got invited to be the "date" to a wedding of a friend of here.. and I had no problem with any of that. The only issue I have is that I'm not close enough to be there if something goes bad and she's had a couple really bad experiences and I want her to be more aware.

[misombra]

she'll learn from her bad experiences. you can't always keep her from bad things. she's her own person who has her own lessons to learn in this life.

[vashti]

I think given her age, it is very normal to not realize that males find you attractive. I was utterly clueless until I was in my late 20s.

[lesa]

I found out that unless the guy verbally tells you that you are like a sister to him (friend doesn't count) then there is a good chance he is attracted to you in some way. If I was her, I would assume that may be a possibility.

[Cain]

She had it in her head that if a guy found her attractive or liked her at all, he'd tell her. She isn't good at noticing hints, I guess.

[TrulyS]

I sit in the some days I think I am some days I think I'm not camp I'm afraid. Depends on my mood and also who is saying it. I am also wary of guys motives (particularly in my current cynical state of mind) when they tell me how beautiful I am without even really knowing me. Its also difficult to believe when you are feeling low about yourself (which she may be - needs a boost maybe?) and also sometimes I think I'd rather be liked for my personality as much as because someone says I'm beautiful.

Im rambling. I'll shut up now

TS

[Cain]

I sit in the some days I think I am some days I think I'm not camp I'm afraid. Depends on my mood and also who is saying it. I am also wary of guys motives (particularly in my current cynical state of mind) when they tell me how beautiful I am without even really knowing me. Its also difficult to believe when you are feeling low about yourself (which she may be - needs a boost maybe?) and also sometimes I think I'd rather be liked for my personality as much as because someone says I'm beautiful.

Im rambling. I'll shut up now

TS

Well, that doesn't really fit in this situation as much. I've been with her for over a year, so she knows I have no ulterior motives. All I wanted to do was to tell her that just because a guy doesn't come out and say "I want to bone you" doesn't mean he doesn't want to.

[IndiReloaded]

I think attractive women who *know* they are attractive give off a vibe sometimes, which can attract unwanted attention. One way to avoid that is to act as if they aren't (except with their partner). It isn't necessarily a bad thing, Cain, esp if she doesn't really believe it. Not sure if that makes sense?

Do tell her you think she's beautiful, tho. Frequently, often, daily & 24/7. You get the idea.

[shh!]

Do tell her you think she's beautiful, tho. Frequently, often, daily & 24/7. You get the idea.

That would irritate me and seem disingenuous after the first couple of days, though...

[IndiReloaded]

True. But best to err on the side of caution than neglect.