Relationship issues? is this it?

[MerryH]

Meh. This is boring. I'm out.

[LdFilip]

doh...i did explain it...you just didnt get it :/

its meant as that men should love only a limited amount of woman (the real love...the one who will give birth for him=wife,or gf or whatever),and the rest means,he should love his mom and his children (not in the same meaning as wife ofc)...and theres nothing about that women are good only for giving birth or anything like that

[Togoru]

For the person who asked, he always looked at porn he said. But when we first started dating he said for a while he stopped but I guess more recently he's started looking at it again. I've been with him a year and a half now. We didn't first have sex til 9 months into our relatiOnship.

My mind is always thinking of stuff... But well yesterday I mentioned how on the bus on my way to college someone had winked at me and how I ignored it since well I'm in a relationship so I'm obviously not interested no matter what the person looks like, hot or not. Then My boyfriend then told me a story of how some girl was "clearly" checking him out at school and he said she made the excuse that it was hot in the room so she removed her sweater even though the room was freezing. And he said something like "well she wasn't even good looking so ehhh". So that means if she was actually attractive he'd be all into that or possibly flirt back then? I know it's normal to notice other attractive people while in a relationship, it's just how we are, but it makes me wonder if he actually thought she was attractive and that happened what he'd do then or say.

And then I thought more, and this is a stretch... But if my boyfriend had images from online/videos of girls walking that were of their asses like just suppose he started taking pictures himself of girls that were walking in front of him that he thought had nice asses. And it's almost like if he had pics like that from online then what if he figures having images like that he'd take of his own would be acceptable since in his mind it's "looking but not touching". Then it's like is that "normal" human nature or just creepy/wrong?*

[IndiReloaded]

there is a difference between dad's stash of porn magazines and the accessibility to any type of porn imaginable with the click of a mouse. When once upon a time you'd have to be over 18 yrs old to walk into a sex shop or movie rental shop to buy/rent porno's and feel embarrassed, now anyone can look at porn without having to face embarrassment or getting asked for ID. There are 13 yr olds watching it on a daily basis with the access of internet on their PC's, Iphones, IPads etc. Back in the day porn used to leave a teenager with something to the imagination....teens never had much access to it, only when they stumble upon dad's stash or their friend's dad's stash. What once ruined a career out of celebrities who's had sex taped leaked out, in this generation you become famous if you have a sex tape. As adults we can understand the difference between fake and real women and sex. For a 13 yr old boy who is still trying to figure out their bodies and have the easy access to porn online may watch it on a daily basis to satisfy their huge sexual appetite at this age while their hormones are flowing....they may not lose their virginity until 17 or 18. Yet, they've watched tons of porn to "teach" them what real sex should be like. When they finally get with a girl, certain things like anal sex may not seem as glamourous as they show in porn. The girl may not be as "slutty" as he's seen many times in film. The young 13 yr old boy is getting a distorted view of sex and women long before he's actually gotten the chance to perform the real thing.

You are merely restating an issue that everyone understands. What do you propose as a solution, tho? We should go back to porn on magazines and take it off the internet? Good luck with that.

As I said, I think the issue is one of education: porn is meant for entertainment, not instruction. Parents (and I am one, are you bcgirl?) should be paying attention to what their kids read and watch on tv and the internet. Use adult content filters on computers used by young children, etc.

Now you can argue that Disney movies that little girls watch portrays a distorted image of the perfect husband like prince charming.....this is true. Girls grow up to be women who seek for their prince charming.

I already did argue this. The solution is the same as for porn, IMO. Much as I would love a filter for Disney content, I just don't see it happening.

[Togoru]

Insight on my latest post?

[LdFilip]

geez...i thought we proceed from talking about porn problem nowadays...but it seems not...

...sorry to say that,but you bf is a moron...and the only thing you can do,is to tell him that you really dont like and then wait what wil hel do...if nothing,you have a solid proof that you deserve someone better.

[bcgirl]

It's hard to filter contents for your kids....especially when a 10 yr old is more tech savy than their parents. Most teens have cell phones, all cell phones now a days have internet access and wifi. I remember as a teen i'd go over to a friends house and we'd watch her dad's stash of porn. Reality is that you may think you are controlling what your kids are doing....but you have no idea. Did you know you can watch porn on Youtube. You can download tons of porn on torrent sites (and you can't block those because there aren't actually "porn"). You download a torrent, upload it to your ipod or phone, erase the evidence on moms PC and voila....piece of cake. Oh and don't forget about chatlines (which aren't able to filter either), there are filled with tons of horny men and women wanting to take off their clothes and masterbate on webcam.

[LdFilip]

Everybody know that already...we are waiting for some advices on how to help Togoru :/

[bcgirl]

well he seems like a complete douche. Dump his azz. He shows lack of respect to you. When once he had the decency to erase porn pics from his phone to hide evidence from you.....now he just doesn't care and saves them to his phone knowing that you are his gf and will eventually find it. You tell him to erase them and so he throws a fit and finally does (like a kid who is told to clean up his room) but he still has the balls to save a pic of some chick with her azz exposed. He tells you things that a girl takes off her shirt in a cold room to get you jealous or something..... he probably got the idea from one of his porn movies because in real life, that would be a very dumb thing to do. He treats you with disrespect and talks down to you, you don't need that in your life. The thing is that you are accepting this kind of behaviour from him, which only allows him to continue to treat you this way. You pretty much said it's okay for him to watch porn, go on camscamscam and look at this hot brunette....but from the posts, I can tell that this is clearly bothering you. You say that it's okay, but the way you wrote your posts suggests that you are not okay with the fact that he watches this much porn whether it be on his phone or PC. It's okay to not be okay with the fact that your own boyfriend is watching porn to the extent he does! It's as if you are excusing this sort of behaviour even though you are not okay with the fact, and this is the main problem here.

[Togoru]

It's just like one minute I feel ok or ready to see if he will keep his word, but then since there's still that last image on there it's like he didn't actually get rid of them all like he said. He got rid of the others though and idk if it happened to not delete or if it was intentional. I can talk about it with him in person tomorrow cause I feel like through text it wouldn't be as effective I know how I can bring it up too with out it seeming like I'm angry or anything. I'll calmly bring up how I never mentioned it but should have and how when he was going through other images and showing me other stuff I noticed a thumbnail of a picture like that. It's just, I feel like part of it is ridiculous on my part, but it's not porn I necessarily have an issue with, it's the fact he never did that before and more so how I realized I've been treated. I feel like I'm trying too hard in this relationship when things like this shouldn't even happen. I shouldn't have to worry about how I'll be treated or if he's keeping promises to what he says... But those things with him lately I'm not even sure of. He said he'd "change" so I can just see if he does, although there is still one image left so I mean I don't know... I guess I'll just find out why or whatever tomorrow when I'd see him where I could bring it up.

[LdFilip]

hes such an idiot...he deserves to be alone...just with his damn porn >.<

[Togoru]

well he seems like a complete douche. Dump his azz. He shows lack of respect to you. When once he had the decency to erase porn pics from his phone to hide evidence from you.....now he just doesn't care and saves them to his phone knowing that you are his gf and will eventually find it. You tell him to erase them and so he throws a fit and finally does (like a kid who is told to clean up his room) but he still has the balls to save a pic of some chick with her azz exposed. He tells you things that a girl takes off her shirt in a cold room to get you jealous or something..... he probably got the idea from one of his porn movies because in real life, that would be a very dumb thing to do. He treats you with disrespect and talks down to you, you don't need that in your life. The thing is that you are accepting this kind of behaviour from him, which only allows him to continue to treat you this way. You pretty much said it's okay for him to watch porn, go on camscamscam and look at this hot brunette....but from the posts, I can tell that this is clearly bothering you. You say that it's okay, but the way you wrote your posts suggests that you are not okay with the fact that he watches this much porn whether it be on his phone or PC. It's okay to not be okay with the fact that your own boyfriend is watching porn to the extent he does! It's as if you are excusing this sort of behaviour even though you are not okay with the fact, and this is the main problem here.

It's just, I know most guys view it but my boyfriend hadnt for a while apparently and all the sudden seems more into it. So it DOES overall make me uncomfortable but I can't stop him from it or what he does as much as him looking at it makes me feel. But you're correct, he clearly knows how I feel about it now and even just that one image left on there is just odd and still not right. I'm getting just sick of this whole thing really. I really have to talk to him tomorrow and tell him everything of how I feel. It's just like I want to be treated better but idk why it's so hard to just end it. Cause otherwise he can be sweet, but overall it's just not as perfect as it once was/seemed and idk Maybe it's possible he COULD change... He often tells me he loves me, says things like he would love to get married and have kids one day and move in and stuff like that but he's just an idiot and a douche sometimes. So it's like a mix of good and bad. I don't know if it's worth giving it one final shot after tomorrow but I feel like I've already given so many chances and put up with too much shit. Ive done so incredibly much in this relationship. Every single day before he goes to school, my classes are later and I STILL wake up just to talk to him before he goes. I ge up every day at 6, for the most part he texts me around then, Then some mornings he texts me like a half hour after waiting saying "sorry I was in the shower" and like I get up and don't even have to yet sometimes I wait cause he doesn't always let me know and just decides to text me later or sleep in. Then my schedule for my next semester, I was concerned about not getting a good schedule and that'd mean getting home late and not seeing him. I told him this crying and anxious and he told me to just focus on school and that whatever happens as far as scheduling I should just embrace it since it's for my career. Which I know college is important but my point was I'd be sad if I wouldn't e able to see him all week if that happened and it didn't bother him. I don't always feel respected and appreciated and thats the big problem here. One time I said I don't wantto be taken for granted and I want to be appreciated and he said "but I do appreciate you. What more do you want me to do?!" so... Yeah, he's just... Ugh.

[LdFilip]

life is too short for giving a chances again and again to someone,who is just...incorrigible

[Togoru]

Thats so true. And I just want to be happy and everything that's happened made me realize and reflect on everything and I just don't think it's worth it now. I shouldn't have to worry if my boyfriend is flirting with or making it obvious he's checking someone out (at school or in public) like some googly eyed uncontrolled horny pervert despite having a gf. I shouldn't have to worry or wonder if I can trust him or how I'll be treated. I shouldnt feel afraid to tell him how I feel for fear of being dismissed or put down. I just shouldn't have to put up with any of that bullshit and I don't know why I have for so long :/

[alwaystryin]

Toguru, a likely explanation would be that maybe he wasn't looking at it when u first got together. You were new to him and at the time maybe that was enough to curb his appetite for it. But THEN, he probably got comfortable enough to incorporate the porn back into his life. That's what happens when guys are addicted to porn. Further, there's nothing to say that he ever did stop. It's likely he didn't until something happened that made you snoop. But again, the issue goes beyond the porn. He turns things around to make you feel guilty for dumb sh*t he is doing. Because he's a jerk. Refer to my previous post for advice. then dump him.