Am I crazy?

[stev123]

wow, some of you ladies really are going off the deep end. So, now we have a young lady in her early 20's, never married, saying she knows about married men in the 40's in long term relationships? that's funny, and clueless at the same time. Hell, I cant even figure out women my own age let alone try to figure out the opposite sex with a 20 years age difference. You must be really smart (sarcasm) with special feminism powers.

and finally, to the ladies who think that when a man becomes a husband and a father that their fun should end, hahahahaha. WTF? You women really are overly obsessed and wrong in your views of men. You act as if we are all walking around with our cocks hanging out like mindless zombies. I'm married with kids. My wife and I both still have a lot of fun. We don't sleep around and are faithful. In fact, I probably have more fun than half the people here half my age. Its all in what you consider fun.

I will readily admit I have no idea what tomorrow will bring in any part of my life, life is unpredictable. What I do know is the people I have met in life (much like some of the ladies commenting here) who think they have it all figured out are the ones who fall the hardest when one day their partner, boss, or whoever realizes how loony they have become.

It's why some of them are single and bashing here.

[michelle23]

none of the regulars here are single. b&t and wu are both married. me and sea are in a ltr. hia is married. boisdevie is taken etc etc most are in relationships apart from yc and a few others.

[bcgirl]

Am I crazy.... You have repeatedly stated that you have a good marriage, you and the wifey are best friends for 20 years with no real issues aside from no passion/romance. If you ask most ppl married for 20 years, that's pretty damn good! Not sure why you are tempted to play with fire and risk getting real burned (meaning breaking up a home, your family, your children) for nothing but "hope" that something could be better. It's like a sick gambler who goes to the casino with hopes to walk away winning the jackpot. Odds are against him and the odds are that gambler has better odds of losing his whole savings than he does winning that jackpot. I guess it's that feeling of giddiness and the comfort it brings to the psyche (ego) always wanting everything. Greed takes over the gamblers mind. Greed is slowly tempting you as well.
My advice is to stop all contact with this girlfriend of yours that you have a mega crush on. Be smarter than the ego. You and the wife must have had romance and passion back in the day, that can light up again. I seriously think it has to do with how you are performing in the bedroom. Do you regularly attempt to give her at least half an hour of oral pleasure? Next time, try that. Do not stop until you've made her orgasm without using your dick...and do not stop for at least 20 mins even if she's pretended to orgasm. She'll enjoy sex again, I think she just has forgotten about how much she can enjoy sex and you've probably been thinking about your needs in the bedroom instead of hers. The power of the tongue is more powerful than the dick when it comes to the female orgasm.

[michelle23]

i remember watching desperate housewives. one couple wanted to bring more intimacy into their marriage. they bought a book and read it together-then they agred to have sex every day for a month. it works-try it.

also theres this board game you can get called monogamy-its supposed to be a lot of fun and a good way to reconnect in an intimate way.

you need to speak up. tell her how much this bothers you. your being too passive. now the problem has gotten so bad that you are tempted by someone else. its a warning sign, a red flag and you shouldnt ignore it.

your stuck in a rut, you both let the romance go stale and now you both need to fix it.

i dont believe your wife has no interest in sex. shes just lost interest in sex with you. bcgirl gave good advice. there are loadsa different types of orgasms. you could try to learn how to do something new such as gspot orgasm or nipple. thats bound to make her want more and more

[Wakeup]

Not meaning anything but my sincere impression of Crazy's marriage. I have a feeling that they both have cozy friends of the opposite sex. That's why neither of them are too bent out of shape about such friendships.

Being the Devils Advocate:

Crazy is not the first person in the world to become emotionally entangled with another woman and If she has her little crush same thing for women, not the only one in the world.

That scenerio does not necessarily mean that either of them will act on their attraction nor does it mean that it will cause them to break up. Some people appreciate what they have at home and don't distract from that something just because they are crushing on someone else. It's called taking care of your priorities.

Contrary to popular belief. He doesn't NEED to do anything just because that's what we'd do. Some people can manage to keep it all together without driving a wedge between the emotional connection with their SIGNIFICANT other.

In any event... time will tell what does or doesn't happen to his marriage.. In the meantime; you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

[Am I crazy?]

wakeup- thanks for "getting ut" you are a class act even if we do not always agree. you show that you have a capacity to understand that not all relationships fit the same cooking cutter advice.

I might add to you last line" you can lead a feminist (michelle) to knowledge, but you cant make her think.

[michelle23]

denial is a wonderful thing. prevents you facing reality but one day reality gets too big to ignore. wifey is prob doing the same thing. oh well-divorces are nothing new.

time will tell

[michelle23]

that feminist has tried her best to help you. your defensive, unrealistic and delusional and prefer to take your angst out on me than to accept responsibility for yourself

what WU said is true about you. you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink.

i dont even know why you came her for advice. every piece of it has gone in one ear and out the other. perhaps you should try another forum and see if the responses are any different

your biased. everyone else is looking at your situation with open eyes. we can see what you cant but you prefer to delude yourself into believing its all innocent, your doing nothing wrong, you have it all under control, youll be fine etc

[Wakeup]

Yes, time will tell and I'm having a hard time understanding why you're trying to force Crazy to act on your advice? Makes no never mind really. His life. He came here for advice, he got it (over and over again). Done!

.. and no, it doesn't necessarily mean he's in denial. Just because you're like a rabid dog when it comes to anything you perceive as cheating and you'd leave, it doesn't mean that all couples will think like you. It's a very diverse world out there where people can come to terms with what life throws their way and function quite happily without it being denial. Even if it is denial.. if everyone is happy and no descernable negative changes are happening within their union then cie la vie.

[Am I crazy?]

Michelle,

You are way too full of yourself. I heard all of your advice, but (aghast) what you seem to not be able to comprehend was that your advice is not always correct for every situation. Your advice was wrong for my situation, I told you so, but you want to keep flogging me as if to beat me into submission to accept that you are right. The world is much bigger than your perfect little part that you have created in your mind.

[bcgirl]

So is no one thinking about the children involved? Sure it may be adult fun and games to make cozy opposite sex friends, but the kids see everything. They see mommy wearing sweatpants, hair up in a messy bun at home with dad and they see mom get fancy ready in her highest heels and tightest jeans whenever she visits uncle Fred. They see daddy's face light up when he just got a text while mom is making dinner so they know it ain't mom textin. The kids keep their mouth shut because they are too smart to get involved in adult drama. What do you think happens when your children become adults getting into their marriage/relationships? Set a good example because it ain't about just you anymore but all about your children.

[Wakeup]

One cannot make up scenerios in their own mind and then apply it to an opening posters situation as if its something they've revealed and is what has been happening.

[stev123]

man this is like reading a womans magazine

[bcgirl]

I've been the cheater in many situations. It never ends up a happy ending. If you are able to have good communication in your marriage, talk to your wife about the idea of an open marriage. Perhaps she'll be thrilled about the idea too. If she is, allow your kids to know. Everyone's happy and ain't tied down to the conventional idea of marriage.

[oberyn]

Am I Crazy,

Try to take it easy on Michelle23, she is trying to give advice based on her own life experiences and her own perceptions of the world and you may feel that she is trying to ram it down your throat but I don't think she would be doing it if she didn't honestly think it was important for you to follow her advice. That does not mean it is the best advice for you to follow but try to remember that from her perspective she is trying to help. It's like when religious people try to indoctrinate you. People get very upset over it but at the end of the day they are doing it because they believe it's incredibly important for you to believe what they believe for your own well being. It's easy to get offended but at the end of the day they are trying to help.

Michelle, similarly, it's important to realize not everyone feels the same way in relationships. I know people who are in open relationships, a scenario I could never accept or handle and yet they are perfectly happy and seem to have great relationships. I don't get it at all but there is something about them and their relationship that seemingly makes it possible for them to carry on in such a manner and maintain a close and loving relationship. It is not something I would ever suggest to anyone but they somehow make it work. It totally blows my mind but it also made me accept that relationships are as different as people and that much like people I won't be able to understand them all. Crazy's relationship with his wife could be a completely different animal from anything either of us has seen or understood before. Then again, it might not be. You've done your best to give the best advice you can. From this point out it's up to him to figure out what is right for his relationship.

Sorry for going a little off topic guys, I just don't like seeing two seemingly good people upsetting one another.