I work, why can't i come home and watch tv all night?

[squirrley]

This thread is a hot topic! Chris and I are doing the same work, he may have attorney behind his name, but I am behind most of the work that needs to be done. The income that has been brought in in the last 4 months is OURS, not just his. We've been busting our butts to save money to buy a house. I dont think its fair that at 5 pm he gets to watch TV all night(which he does til 11) and I have to cook dinner, clean it up, and then finish some of the work which didnt get done earlier. Im sorry but how is that fair?

I truly believe it doesnt matter who brings in the most income, but some jobs around the house should be shared and or take the initiative to help. I would love it if Chris would take the trash out and or clean the dog poop up. Its actually my own fault because I do it and I shouldnt complain in here I should be telling him. And I have, but its talking to a wall sometimes.

Even if I were a stay home mom, some help around the house would be wonderful as Im sure help around the hubby's office would be nice too. But Im not in the stone age and dont believe in catering to every freakn whim when Ive worked just as much that day. Id probably roll over if he ever made the effort to make dinner! DO SOMETHING just something. At Thanksgiving my mother and his mother said something to him about helping out and it was like he didnt hear it. NEXT!

I think its fine to come home and watch tv and not do anything, but a couple of times a week it would be nice to have a little extra help. I dont think the men realize taking the trash out, its huge. I honestly dont mind doing those things otherwise I wouldnt be doing it, but why is it so hard for the guy to do it once and while?

Our maid is now my friend. The floors are the hardest thing for me as well as the bathtub. The bending over is what kills me too. She does the things which irritate my back. And now working 10 plus hours most of the week the last thing I want to do at 7 pm is dust.

I think us women who are independant find it more difficult to tolerate this behavior. Its funny someone mentioned June Cleaver, because oh hell to the no...not in this house.

[vashti]

It's hard for me to imagine loving someone who would be willing to sit on their ass watching TV while I was doing all the work around the house. I find it impossible to relax when others are working. This is what prevents me from hiring help in the house. My husband had a housekeeper before we were married, and I always helped her out so she could go home early.

[Charlie Boy II]

I find it impossible to relax when others are working. This is what prevents me from hiring help in the house.

I'm afraid that is a distinctly female trait. Christmas lunch is a perfect example. All the women find it impossible to remain seated.

[vashti]

I don't mind during the holidays; it keeps the males out from under my feet while I'm trying to cook. Only my sister is allowed in the kitchen with me. But on an everyday basis? No way am I going to dust and vacuum around someone being lazy. If I couldn't get to it during the day, whoever is home is going to have to help.

[Gigabitch]

People who don't clean don't understand how hard it can be. Some people actually think that sweeping the floor once a week is sufficient or that if you clean the bathroom, it stays clean for two weeks.

[misombra]

my crystal ball says this is about sex. or the lack thereof.

[squirrley]

I do things around the house that I can do. It is hard to straighten around the house while he watches tv all night. But the sex is great, can't say its lack of.

I had thought of just leaving things be, just to see if he'd do it, but he's a procrastantor sooo...I cant stand it I do it. This morning is a prime example of things that just bug me. I am gathering the trash, tying it up and he walks THROUGH me and the trash, doesnt offer to take it out but watches me. Ok I think Ive made my point.

Bottom line is that a relationship IS a partnership.

[IndiReloaded]

Huh? Who cares who has the major income? They are married. Their money belongs to BOTH of them.

Or is this just a California thing?

If my husband ever told me I had to wait on him while he watched TV because he made more money, I'd hit him in the head with a frying pan.

Are you kidding? SOMEONE has to bring in income, and HIS time is most efficiently spent doing that.

Or, do you think that a person's time is equal, regardless of the disparity in the income brought in? You think someone working a 40 hr work week & only making 50K is the equivalent of someone making 4X that?

Not if they are paying down a million-dollar house, its not.

And I don't think I read, anywhere, that anyone has suggested that means the lower earning spouse has to "wait" on the higher earner. That's not what this thread was about. Its about fairness in distribution of time & effort in a partnership.

Anyway, even if someone (man or woman) stayed home FT and didn't work, how many hours could one possibly spend on cooking and cleaning? Even a large house? I estimate I could clean my home, top to bottom, AND cook a fantastic meal everyday, and not spend more than 4 hours MAX. And I'd be hard-pressed to fill that time. I'd be doing things like emptying linen closets and wiping the shelves, if I was doing this everyday. And the meals would be gourmet quality.

So, let's say that an average housekeeper makes $50/hour doing this. And that's probably generous. By my math we have:

7 days X 4hrs X $50 = $1400 per week. Assuming you work *everyday*, your house is completely spotless and your meals are 5-star, everytime.

So, that's my upper bound for anyone who is in this situation. If your partner, male or female, makes more than that, then you need to be figuring out other ways to compensate. Or be very appreciative of your situation.

[IndiReloaded]

It's hard for me to imagine loving someone who would be willing to sit on their ass watching TV while I was doing all the work around the house.

But that's b/c you work, or will soon. For someone who doesn't, or is around the home during the day, like the gal in the other thread, there is NO reason she can't get all the cleaning & cooking done during the same hours her partner is at work.

[vashti]

Wow, I am rarely surprised by people, but you just surprised me, indi.

I assume when people marry, they marry someone they consider their equal, regardless of income. If they don't, they shouldn't get married. I also assume that when they marry, they share everything. I guess that doesn't seem to be the case.

And no way could I clean my house top to bottom and cook an exceptional meal in four hours. Have you ever actually DONE this? I dare you to try. This means vacuum, dust, mop, windows, bathrooms, laundry, everything... (unless maybe you have a very small house?)

[nk4512]

He cooks every day and does all the grocery shopping, waters the plants, cleans the stove (I hate that job), etc. We're very fair.

IMO, the OP thinks housework is for chicks. That pisses me off.

The OP is referring to splitting up the house work, i,ll assume from his post he probably forgot to add what he does and thats giving him the benifit of the doubt.
Had the same situation myself, i work 45-60 hrs a week, the fiance worked 20 hrs with some school, she never liked to do anything as far as cleaning or keeping things organized.(Where she threw stuff, it stayed, for months) i did my fair share, cleaned, cooked, and relaxed when i got home.

Just talk it out and work out the details of whats fair and whats not, i,ll be the first to agree that EVERYONE male/female needs time to theemselves after an obnoxious day at work (video games for me)
but dont rely on them to do everything. It is still "Their" house not his, not hers, they both need to do their fair share.

But nothing pisses me off more then getting nagged as soon as i get through the front door. That shits gotta go.

[Gribble]

This isn't about equality. Or at least it shouldn't be. If I worked all day long to take care of a woman I would be hurt if she didn't do something to show her appreciation. The house wouldn't need to be scrubbed top to bottom. Dinner wouldn't need to be a feast. I'd really feel unappreciated, though, if I came home and had to make my own dinner and wash the dishes because she spent the day watching Oprah. Now, if she was working on a doctorate that would be different. I know just how difficult and time-consuming that is.

[IndiReloaded]

If they share everything, then by extension, that means they should share earning capacity.

But in many cases, ppl do NOT marry their "equal" in this regard. So, how do YOU suggest that someone, whose partner (man or woman), is the major breadwinner be spending their time if not at work, helping to earn *significant* money to help support the household.

Does it truly seem unreasonable that the person at home make their contribution AT HOME? Isn't that a valuable contribution?

Surely you aren't suggesting that someone who brings in most of the income needed to run the home ALSO spend 50% of their non-working time doing things like cooking & cleaning? When there is another partner perfectly available to be doing at least some of these things?

As to your specific question: yes, I think I could do what I said in hour hours. I have a pretty large house, but I think I could manage if I was spending 4 consistent hours *everyday* (mon-fri) working steady cleaning & cooking. Thats 20 hours a week!

Tho, TBH, I work so I've never tried. My husband & I split up our duties according to the method I've described previously.

[lesa]

Cleaning up an average size house very well will take several hours...and then cooking, washing, organizing personal things will take a few more hours. Of course, most of us probably only half-ass clean our houses. If the two both work a 40 hours work week, I doubt income should be a factor...of course this is not the case for the OP.

But guys...I thought the OP was talking about cleaning up after him. He watches television with a fast-food whopper (because he probably doesn't cook...and it sounds like this girl doesn't either) and then he leaves his whooper wrapper, beer, shoes, socks, jacket, and hat (lol) or whatever on the sofa or floor for her to pick up instead of him placing it in the hamper. Like hell I would! This is going to be one dirty place.

Now, general maintenance cleaning....they both sound lazy there.

I'm trying to visualize what will cause someone to really nag about cleaning and this is what I imagine. He asked why can't he come home and entertain himself while she cleans in front of him. He really should go to sleep. If anything, she needs to clean before he arrives lol.

[lesa]

The OP is referring to splitting up the house work, i,ll assume from his post he probably forgot to add what he does and thats giving him the benifit of the doubt.
Had the same situation myself, i work 45-60 hrs a week, the fiance worked 20 hrs with some school, she never liked to do anything as far as cleaning or keeping things organized.(Where she threw stuff, it stayed, for months) i did my fair share, cleaned, cooked, and relaxed when i got home.

Just talk it out and work out the details of whats fair and whats not, i,ll be the first to agree that EVERYONE male/female needs time to theemselves after an obnoxious day at work (video games for me)
but dont rely on them to do everything. It is still "Their" house not his, not hers, they both need to do their fair share.

But nothing pisses me off more then getting nagged as soon as i get through the front door. That shits gotta go.

This in bold is different for me. Your fiance sounds lazy. She should clean after herself regardless of hours spent working. Even a housekeeper would be reluctant to clean that stuff up. That's what I think the OP means. He needs to clarify.