I work, why can't i come home and watch tv all night?

[jhobrath]

Short Version: I work a lot more than my fiance so why is it that when I come home from work I can't just sit on my ass and eat her dinner and watch tv? Rather, why do I have to come home and do work when she could do it while i'm working to pay for our life? Every girl I talk to seems to agree with her!

Long Version: So, I work my ass off at work every day and I come home to my fiance who spends nearly all of her time when I'm away at her parent's house with her siblings. She does some work for her mother, but at most 15 hours a week. She is also spending about 5 hours a week working on her master's thesis. I work in downtown Cleveland, far from the suburbs where we live. I work 9-10 hour days on average and I drive about another hour total there and back - and I provide us a very nice lifestyle. So when I come home, why does my fiance gripe about shit like the garbage, dishes... etc. In any other type of situation, I would have a valid complaint. However, every girl I seem to ask says that the guy should come home and work... I don't get it?

[Gigabitch]

She has no experience with what your daily reality is. To her, you're just gone all the time and you've left her with the shit work of cleaning up after you and being your domestic servant. newsflash: women don't like this.

If you provide a "very nice lifestyle" for the both of you, maybe that should include a housecleaner. Regardless of what each of you do all day, the house is still BOTH of your responsibility. She's your fiancee, not your maid.

Either join the rest of us in the modern world or consider getting a third-world mail-order bride instead.

[Lahrell]

Have to agree with Gigabitch here. She is not your maid. Ofcourse she could do something things in the house, but it's a responsibility of both still. If you really don't like how this is going you can always make some sort of schedule like some people seem to do?

[carl1222]

She has no experience with what your daily reality is. To her, you're just gone all the time and you've left her with the shit work of cleaning up after you and being your domestic servant. newsflash: women don't like this.

If you provide a "very nice lifestyle" for the both of you, maybe that should include a housecleaner. Regardless of what each of you do all day, the house is still BOTH of your responsibility. She's your fiancee, not your maid.

Either join the rest of us in the modern world or consider getting a third-world mail-order bride instead.

I repectfully disagree with most of your post, Giga.

It's had to imagine that an intelligent grown woman wouldn't know that when he spends 55 hours a week away from home working/commuting he isn't just "gone all the time leaving her with the shit work."

Sure, taking care of the house is both of their responsibility, but his work is part of taking care of the house as well! I think you're asking for the best part of the modern (equality of household chores) and the traditional (the man is expected to be the breadwinner).

I have a radical idea ... maybe she should up her work schedule from 15 hours to 25 hours a week so SHE can pay for the cleaning lady!

Carl.

[Gigabitch]

It depends on what, exactly she's bitching about. Is she pulling her part of the domestic weight and is just complaining that he won't even take out the garbage? Does she think that if she cooks, he should wash the dishes?

He's not complaining that they live in a sty, he's complaining that he doesn't have June Cleaver at home.

[vashti]

Just as she has no idea what you do all day when you are at work, you have no idea what she is doing at home. How do you know how much time is being spent on her thesis? I assume she plans to be employed when she is done with school, and your responsibilities around the house will probably increase at that point. You'd better get used to helping out, or as Giga said, get a maid.

Even aside from the division of labor, I wouldn't be too thrilled with a guy that wanted to come home after work and sit on his ass all night. If you are that tired, you are working too many hours.

And yes, washing dishes and taking out the trash are mundane jobs no one likes to do, not even her. I would rather be at work.

[carl1222]

It depends on what, exactly she's bitching about. Is she pulling her part of the domestic weight and is just complaining that he won't even take out the garbage? Does she think that if she cooks, he should wash the dishes?

He's not complaining that they live in a sty, he's complaining that he doesn't have June Cleaver at home.

But they kind of do have a Ward/June Cleaver lifestyle as to how their work should be divided. I think that the modern concept of household chore division developed as a result of more couples choosing to take advantage of a dual income.

I grant you, getting annoyed over a few minor chores is probably silly on both their parts. Silly for him if they are arguing over a few trivial chores, and silly for her for not realizing that he should be able to relax during his brief 5 hours a day of liesure time.

Carl

ps - I bet he mows the lawn too.

[Gigabitch]

June Cleaver wasn't getting a masters degree.
This guy's fiancee sounds like someone who is not only disinterested in being a housewife, but pissed off about it. Anybody want to take bets on how long they last?

[vashti]

5 hours of leisure time a day sounds like a lot to me. Certainly enough to take out the garbage.

[Indignant]

Short Version: I work a lot more than my fiance so why is it that when I come home from work I can't just sit on my ass and eat her dinner and watch tv? Rather, why do I have to come home and do work when she could do it while i'm working to pay for our life? Every girl I talk to seems to agree with her!

to be honest, i'd dump her. there are so many women out there who'd be grateful to you for being the main provider and giving them the opportunity to go to school. i am so tired of women who take advantage of men. why the hell would I complain about any housework? I work full time in a medical litigation department (no piece of cake i'd tell ya), drive from and to work an hour, come home and still do my ****ing chores!

[Indignant]

by the way, my friend who is a psychologist always told me that the best way to rid of stresss and negative emotions after work, is to have one hour to yourself after you come home. meaning...not socializing with your partner, just sitting there watching TV, eating dinner, browse internet. otherwise it might lead to a mental breakdown and resentment toward your loved one.

[carl1222]

5 hours of leisure time a day sounds like a lot to me. Certainly enough to take out the garbage.

You're quite right, vashti, heck 5 hours a day is probably more than enough time to keep the whole house clean and cook dinner as well. Taking OP at face value, it seems his fiancee has about 7 hours a day of liesure time at least ... certainly enough to take out the garbage.

Carl.

[Gigabitch]

FYI, I work full time and go to school while my husband works about half that much and doesn't go to school. I still do dishes every day and clean the litter box, do laundry, etc.

Why? Because I'm not some lazy ass who expects someone else to take care of me.

[Indignant]

FYI, I work full time and go to school while my husband works about half that much and doesn't go to school. I still do dishes every day and clean the litter box, do laundry, etc.

Why? Because I'm not some lazy ass who expects someone else to take care of me.

it's all about respect though. if he respected you then he'd take on some of those responsibilities.

[Gigabitch]

He cooks every day and does all the grocery shopping, waters the plants, cleans the stove (I hate that job), etc. We're very fair.

IMO, the OP thinks housework is for chicks. That pisses me off.