Open Relationships

[Charlie Boy II]

^^^^ moron

[Tedel]

Oh, boy, this thread is too close to be disgusting.

Sands, it's not a matter of being in an open relationship to learn to relax. It is a matter of dignity. The ring you put in your wife's hand 16 years ago held a promise you should be able and especially willing to fulfil. I understand and know that many things may happen in the long path we call live, but among the few things you must never tolerate is seeing, reading or listening someone else is touching your wife.

Not to mention you will end up with HIV, chlamidia, gonorrea or any other if you tolerate it more.

On the other hand, I can see why your wife is tempted to go "explore" her "feelings" with that other guy: You are not manly enough to defend and demand what is yours: your woman.

Now I'm sure she doesn't feel as protected by her man as she was before you allowed all this; so get ready to sign either a divorce or a bastard next year.

[Tedel]

moron

OK, I'll go to Europe someday, but I won't fall into this.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

On the other hand, I can see why your wife is tempted to go "explore" her "feelings" with that other guy: You are not manly enough to defend and demand what is yours: your woman.

Exactly. The fact she even had the balls to say she wants to start seeing her ex shows how much you stand up to her. How can it not bother you that she is seeing not only another man, but also a man she has a past with?She has the ability to walk all over your ass. But hey, if thats what makes your marriage "work" then do you buddy. I just know if it were me, I wouldnt settle for it.

[Sweeney]

I think there IS a difference between America and Europe *generalising*. I've read this thread with great astonishment. It's great what the topic poster is doing in my opinion. He's giving his wife this freedom, now what's wrong what that?! You're marriage is not going too well, you're wife has some fun outside the door and all off a sudden there are new sparks in your marriage. Isn't that great?! I agree on it being physical only though, no emotional strings attached to the second person...

I'd be fine with it. There's only a few things that matter to me: he should be there for me when I need him. Not that my cat dies and he's screwing some other woman. And he shouldn't be away 24/7 and also not talk too much about it. But apart from that...

One of my friends is in an open relationship, but in a different kind... If he's away for a seminar or anything, they've agreed he's allowed to do what he likes, while she does the exact same in their bed. And they're getting along so very well. I think it's fine, as long as you can handle it and are honest about it.

But hey, I'm from Amsterdam.

Sodom and Gomorra all over here eh.

[Gribble]

I need to move to Amsterdam and get away from all the puritans.

[Cain]

I need to move to Amsterdam and get away from all the puritans.

So you'd be fine with your woman ****ing other men?

[Mish]

Anyway, we were heading towards some real problems when a few weeks ago she bumped into an old boyfried. She still had feelings for him and basically was torn between the excitment of a relationship with him and the duty and committment of home life. She has been absolutely 100% honest with me about this and I have encouraged her to explore her feelings with him in an open relationship. I'm more than happy for her to have a relationship with both of us as her being happy is all that counts. We have a good strong, trusting relationship and have talked about this at length and I trust her completely.

Has anyone else out there currently in an open relationship and how does it work for you ? What rules have you established ?

Best wishes
S & S

I didn't read all of the replies, so I will reply to the original post.

If you are interested in my opinion, the way I see it an "Open relationship" in a marriage is a divorce. The moment you go down that path that's it, your marriage is over. You might as well move out and formalize the visiting arrangements for the kids. The devotion and love that holds the monogomous relationship together breaks down with an open relationship and there is no more going back after that.

I'm sorry to hear about your wive's feelings. These I gather are not happy news for you. I understand that you are in a damage control mode at the moment. If you are interested to hear what I would do in such a situation, if my (future) wife asked me if we can have an open relationship. My answer would be "Ofcourse". Relationship is not a prison, anyone is free to leave at any point in time. I would give her papers to sign and then we would enjoy an open relationship (until I find someone with a bit more devotion and a bit more serious approach towards married life at which point our open relationship would end).

[shh!]

Mish - you should have read his posts. The original poster doesn't have a problem with this situation.

[Gribble]

So you'd be fine with your woman ****ing other men?

So long as she's got discerning tastes, yes.

[Henry123]

What if there is nothing to fix?
People change over time. Personalities change.

Alot of people stay together for convient sake but they are no longer in love with each other. The concept of "forever love" is more often than not a delusion fed by movies, magazines, the media, parental upbringing etc.

Bullshit. I went to sing to the celebration of a 50th wedding anniversary last Sunday, and they not only married again before a priest, but he also "kissed the bride" with an undoubtable 1-minute French kiss.

So what does that has to do with my post?

So you base your conclusion on a single case?
Now thats Bull... That cant even register as a statistic.

(note: I said "alot of people..." I did say "ALL" people.)

[Cain]

So what does that has to do with my post?

So you base your conclusion on a single case?
Now thats Bullshit! That cant even register as a statistic.

You think that's the only case where people remain in love? Stop basing your opinion off of unhappy couples. More and more people get married for the wrong reasons, so of course they'll be unhappy when they're older.

[Henry123]

Hello everyone. First posting so here goes...

My wife and I have been married for 16 yrs, have 4 kids and up to a couple of years ago were very happy. In the past few years things have got a bit stale. I've been off with my career etc and she has been stuck at home or with her part time job.

Anyway, we were heading towards some real problems when a few weeks ago she bumped into an old boyfried. She still had feelings for him and basically was torn between the excitment of a relationship with him and the duty and committment of home life. She has been absolutely 100% honest with me about this and I have encouraged her to explore her feelings with him in an open relationship. I'm more than happy for her to have a relationship with both of us as her being happy is all that counts. We have a good strong, trusting relationship and have talked about this at length and I trust her completely.

Has anyone else out there currently in an open relationship and how does it work for you ? What rules have you established ?

Best wishes
S & S

Sorry, amigo, I'm just reading this thread, but... Are you silly? nuts? stupid? Are you sure you are a man? How come you "authorize" YOUR woman to "explore" her feelings for someone else?

Don't take it personal, I'll keep reading and probably write something else in a few minutes.

So you insult the person (sands) because he doesnt fit your religious moral standards and then tell him "not to take it personally"?!?

[Gribble]

Half of all marriages end in divorce. How many miserable marriages are dragged out for the sake of religion, children or to save face? It's a terrible system. It doesn't work. Have fun ****ing up your life like countless others before you and countless more after you.

[Henry123]

You think that's the only case where people remain in love?

Nope. Why would I?

Stop basing your opinion off of unhappy couples. ..

Its not an opinion. Theres good statiscal evidence.

More and more people get married for the wrong reasons, so of course they'll be unhappy when they're older.

Why state the obvious???