Seeking advice about discovering a past incestual relationship.

[michelle23]

Actually privately, I have gotten a few messages saying they experimented with consensual sex with a sibling.

I doubt it was to go as far as oral or intercourse. We have already pointed out numerous times that kids do experiment with each other-normally through kissing or touching at a young age and it does not last into puberty. By the age of ten-they normally start to learn about sex and puberty etc and they no the difference between right and wrong. This behavior between two siblings would be seen as a red flag and they both would have needed counselling.

Look up the signs of sexual abuse in children. Playing doctors, touching or kissing is not a sign of abuse. However, anything more than that is and if they were found out years ago-they would have both been sent straight to a psychiatrist. It is not normal behavior.

[Wakeup]

Have a wonderful Life

... Indeed ...

[bcgirl]

Lisa, do you have any brothers or sisters? If not, do you have a mother or father? Can you imagine having concentual sex with one of them? Gross and disturbing huh? Could you imagine all the disturbing feelings something like this would leave on your psyche? Do you think it's something that can easily be brushed off and forgotten about?
Many Tweens experiment. They would use a pillow for masterbation, watch porno, experiment sexually with their friends, play kissing games etc. It is not normal to use a sibling for experimental and sexually gratifying purposes at a certain age. Nor is it normal for a wife to wonder what may be going on when her hubby visits his sister unattended

[LisaW]

Lisa, do you have any brothers or sisters? If not, do you have a mother or father? Can you imagine having concentual sex with one of them? Gross and disturbing huh? Could you imagine all the disturbing feelings something like this would leave on your psyche? Do you think it's something that can easily be brushed off and forgotten about?
Many Tweens experiment. They would use a pillow for masterbation, watch porno, experiment sexually with their friends, play kissing games etc. It is not normal to use a sibling for experimental and sexually gratifying purposes at a certain age. Nor is it normal for a wife to wonder what may be going on when her hubby visits his sister unattended

Do you feel that I should call the police and let them handle it?

[bcgirl]

Thanks Michelle, You clearly have a good heart, and I appreciated your concern and advice. I am miffed that I had to find out about it this way, and without a doubt he has a lot to explain. This is really an issue between him and his sister, and I want to stay out of it. I am hoping they resolved all issues years ago, and never told anyone because they considered it to be a private matter between the two of them.

Originally Posted by michelle23

be careful OP. secrets this big can cause people to do horrible things when the truth comes out. make sure you are safe if your going to talk to him. put your safety, sanity and happieness first.

men have killed there gfs/mistresses out of pure desperation to cover up secrets so please proceed with caution.
Thanks Michelle, You clearly have a good heart, and I appreciated your concern and advice. I am miffed that I had to find out about it this way, and without a doubt he has a lot to explain. This is really an issue between him and his sister, and I want to stay out of it. I am hoping they resolved all issues years ago, and never told anyone because they considered it to be a private matter between the two of them.

Poster Michelle made a post that Lisa wanted to hear a validation for why she shouldn't discuss this topic with her fiancé. She could risk the chances of being chopped up by him and dumped in a river, yet stories of rapists and pedophiles are too far fetched!! She is so deep in denial that its sad.

[bcgirl]

Do you feel that I should call the police and let them handle it?

No, YOU handle your own life. Get a hold of your life and be in control.

[michelle23]

It is pointless calling the police at this point. You should hear them out first and then decide if you either want to stay with him or go. You need to hear what he says just to make it more real in your mind. Then you will be able to deal with it better.

There is no point going to the police unless you no for sure that they were forced into child porn which is unlikely.

[michelle23]

Originally Posted by michelle23 Poster Michelle made a post that Lisa wanted to hear a validation for why she shouldn't discuss this topic with her fiancé. She could risk the chances of being chopped up by him and dumped in a river, yet stories of rapists and pedophiles are too far fetched!! She is so deep in denial that its sad.

The only reason I made that point was to stop everyone jumping down her throat. She is in shock/denial. And I have heard of men killing their gf and then killing themselves in panic or desperation. It does happen so she should be careful.

[bcgirl]

The only reason I made that point was to stop everyone jumping down her throat. She is in shock/denial. And I have heard of men killing their gf and then killing themselves in panic or desperation. It does happen so she should be careful.

Yes it does happen. Just as often as Ted Bundys and Green River killers that arise from traumatic childhoods. I mean it does happen. What's even more Likely to occur from this sort of instances (statistically) are rapists and pedophiles.. This is more likely than murder

[LisaW]

Originally Posted by michelle23


She could risk the chances of being chopped up by him and dumped in a river, yet stories of rapists and pedophiles are too far fetched!! She is so deep in denial that its sad.

If I did believe he was all these horrible things, I would call the police because people like that need to be arrested immediately. Maybe I am in denial, but I just can't see him as a serial rapist and chopping up young girls for the past 10 years simply because he and his sister had sex. If he's been killing girls since 13, he's got to be the best of the best because nobody suspected him ever, there's no girls gone missing\murdered from our area in many years, so when & where did he commits these crimes if not locally. I think there has only been a couple of murders in the past 10 years, and the only I can remember was when a guy shot his ex-wife, then shot himself.

[bcgirl]

A relationship should have good communication. When something is bothering you and you need to talk about it, you should be able to turn to your spouse to have a discussion about. What puzzles me is that the OP is trying to avoid this topic of discussion with her soon to be hubby like she is dodging a bullet. Trying to find excuses as to why she shouldn't ever bring this up with him. Opting to marry someone and live her entire life of never getting closure on this topic, wondering a whole bunch of things and letting the imagination run wild. That really puzzles me.a simple discussion can close up a lot of wonders

[bcgirl]

If I did believe he was all these horrible things, I would call the police because people like that need to be arrested immediately. Maybe I am in denial, but I just can't see him as a serial rapist and chopping up young girls for the past 10 years simply because he and his sister had sex. If he's been killing girls since 13, he's got to be the best of the best because nobody suspected him ever, there's no girls gone missing\murdered from our area in many years, so when & where did he commits these crimes if not locally. I think there has only been a couple of murders in the past 10 years, and the only I can remember was when a guy shot his ex-wife, then shot himself.

So what u r saying is that you see your fiancé as more likely to shoot you and then kill himself??? Does he have a mental disorder? Is he the jealous type? Has he abused you physically/ emotionally that would make you wonder or put him in a category of more likly being a wife killer than a frequent kiddy porn viewer?

[LisaW]

So what u r saying is that you see your fiancé as more likely to shoot you and then kill himself??? Does he have a mental disorder? Is he the jealous type? Has he abused you physically/ emotionally that would make you wonder or put him in a category of more likly being a wife killer than a frequent kiddy porn viewer?

No, I was just saying the only murder that I can remember in my area was when a guy killed his ex-wife and then killed himself, and that happened at least 5 years ago. It was you that posted that comment about my boyfriend could be a serial rapist and chopping up young girls. I said I can't believe he capable of doing such things.

[michelle23]

Nobody is saying that he is any of those things. But this type of trauma in early life can (and does) lead to all sorts of issues in adulthood such as sex addiction which can lead to sexual violence, rape or molestation (not all addicts are capable of these things but some are).

if he does have past sexual issues that he has never dealt with-this could have a BIG impact on him at some point even if its not until hes like 40 or 50. You need to know who you are marrying.

[bcgirl]

^ yes. This point Michelle made is the point that all of us is trying to imply for u.

And as far as murders go, those tend to go very public and be on the news and talked about but child pornography and Pedo's sitting in their rooms jerking off to kiddie porn is 10000x much more common. You never hear about it because they don't make it on the news.