GF dropped bombshell last night

[BrianK]

Brian, I'm really glad to hear things are going better. it sounds like you're making some serious changes. I hope she's making some changes, too, because you taking 100% of the responsibility for your relationship problems can't be quite right.

Tell me that isn't what you've done just to get her back....

Nope we have both admitted to making mistakes and well at the moment because her family got to involved with the situation they are ignoring her which i think just about sums up the whole issue back to when i started this thread.

[blackiesharley]

how are things looking for you blackiesharley? are we mirroring each other still ?

Pretty much the answer is yes! BrianK. See my post from last night in the 'should I be upset about this?' thread.

I don't know... She has to leave in a few hours for work tommorrow. It's heaven and hell... (Heaven to be together, hell for her to leave)

Glad to hear you're back on track. I think I am too. I couldn't walk away from her and I don't think she could walk away from me if we had guns to our heads but the question is... How do we get 'together-together?'

Time I guess.

And we have to resolve that 'problem' (again, see the other thread) that I didn't help with this last few days by joining in. MY fault, I'll accept my share of the blame. I'm kicking myself in the butt for doing that right now. I should have thrown the shit in the toilet.

Never surrender, we've made plans for the following weekend (NONE of that crap tho!!!! )and she's called me three times since they left, 'We're at McDonalds, we're stopping for a pee break, we're home now, it's raining here, talk in the morning, etc, etc, etc....'.

It can be worked out though. It will work. I'm strong.

[BrianK]

from what you just said she certainly likes being in your company from the sounds of it and sounds a little confused, not a millions miles away from how my GF felt at the time.

Maybe with you she is scared that it will not work out ?

[blackiesharley]

Maybe with you she is scared that it will not work out ?

Those are her words exactly Brian.

She may be almost 40, but I often have to remind myself that she met her ex at 15, married at 18 and 4 kids later divorced at 30. A few mini-relationships between now and then that didn't work out.

I guess what I'm saying is that I have to understand that she's not your average late-thirty's woman. Yes, she IS scared and she's told me that when she gets scared she 'goes into her shell.'

The trick here is time and patience. She just now called me to say good morning (it's 8:10 am) that was sweet. I think we're both on the same 'page' just handling it differently.

Edited to update @ 11am: Another phone call from her, we're so together it's crazy but we can't admit it to each other. How do I break that syndrome? Time?

We have been 'intimate' for the record so at least we've broken the sexual barrior.... (And it wasn't just ' f**king' it was making love)

This is heavy, and I'll deal with the 'problem' some way.

[BrianK]

Hmm maybe there are even more parallels with your situation because this is exactly what my GF is feeling right now.

I think you might need to reassure her, but I guess you are already doing that. This is what I doing with my GF

The main thing is at least you know so you can work on it. The problem occurs when its not communicated. I now know this the extreme hard way. I stopped doing all the little nice things we did as a couple without realising it and she got scared.

This is something I have changed in sharing our lives making the time to do this sort of things. I've changed other aspects as well making sure we have a shared interest other than just watching the TV. I bought us both mountain bikes which is great fun. We are also going to Hip Hop couple dancing training every friday to. It was these sort of things we stopped doing. But I glad we are now (although not sure about the dancing!!! but will try it out they are in the 5th week already when we go for 1st time, should be funny)

[blackiesharley]

Hmm maybe there are even more parallels with your situation because this is exactly what my GF is feeling right now.

I think you might need to reassure her, but I guess you are already doing that. This is what I doing with my GF

The main thing is at least you know so you can work on it. The problem occurs when its not communicated. I now know this the extreme hard way.

You're very right about that. However, I have to take things VERY slow here. I feel that she is into this for the long run as am I, but she's very skiddish... And scared.

I have to let her set the pace or in other words let her come to me. (Which she is) I must say though that the near constant phone calls and emails (from her) give me a great deal of hope that indeed we have a bright future together. (I laugh because she calls almost every time as I'm posting here, like right now)

She's told me flat out how to make this work. I appreciate that, a woman that comes with an 'instruction manual.' That's rare, I'd marry her tommorrow.

I think the worst part is that when she's not over here I try to go out to clubs or wherever just to get some fresh air and get my mind off of her but I can't even look at another girl or imange being with someone else no matter how hot they are. If the band plays a song that we've listened to, I have to go in a dark corner of the club and dry my eyes. That's not like me, I'm a tough, strong guy. I've never been like this before.

Ever love somebody so much that you feel like you're missing an arm or a leg when you're not together in person?

Damn, I've got it bad. Lucky for me at this very moment things are progressing, slow as they are...

[Sereena]

Wow... what a ride you guys have been on. I'm so happy things worked out for you, though. I went through something similar with my boyfriend of 3.5 years minus the financial stuff. One week he was in such a bad mood and decided he wanted to see other people. I was devastated, but left him alone and he wanted me back just a week later. It took two months of therapy for me to get over the breakup... Yeah... I reacted much in the same way you guys did in a shorter amount of time. But now we're awesome because we both put in the effort. So, just know that it'll take time, patience, and hard work, but it seems things will work out. Always make your woman feel secure and appreciated! I can't stress that enough! Once my BF figured that out, I became very happy and less moody. Now we're both much happier.

Hope you don't mind... I want to recommend two books to you guys because they helped my guy and our relationship:

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
How To Succeed With Women

[BrianK]

Thanks for your input Sereena I will look at getting these books, I always thought they were jokey kind of books, just proves how wrong i was. We are going camping this week pretty much on the foot of the coast, our relationship is so much better now after all this mess. I think in hindsight this was a good thing to happen it certainly has made us really close, closer than I can remember!

[BrianK]

sorry ended up with double post!!

[Gigabitch]

So what direction are you guys headed in? Are you going to ask her to marry you?

[BrianK]

So what direction are you guys headed in? Are you going to ask her to marry you?

We were engaged, but at my request we are no longer as I feel it wasn't right to be engaged just right now after what had happened, but yes we hopefully will get married in the not so distant future. Probably with no family there as I have family issues like she does. We'll prob get married abroad somewhere like Barbados or hawaii. I think she is still a bit scared of her family as she says we'll have to be brave when we do it, as they objected to the idea of marrying abroad when before all the mess started. they play very good mind games on her. We still have Zero contact with her family after what had happened

[Gigabitch]

I think you might have a better shot together if you moved away from your families. I know it really opened up my world when I did that. is that a possibility? Or can you continue to live near but ignore them completely?

[BrianK]

I think we might have to move away, we got a voice to txt message (person too scared to reveal who they were)

yesterday saying that she and I was selfish getting back together and that the family are better off without her, unbelieveable how some ppl behave

shows how much her family really care about her happyness

[Gigabitch]

Brian, is there something you're not telling us? Like, for instance, you force her to make porn movies or you guys shoot up daily? What the hell is her family's problem with your relationship?

[Miler]

I must say, I've sat here for about 40mins reading through this whole thread and it's moved me. Not just how 2 couples have split up but re-united, but how each of them have helped each other through it.

I have total respect for both you guys and I hope all goes well.

I used to think the internet was for porn! Now I know differently...!