Date with a Turkish guy

[the_blue_angel]

hi everyone,
i am turkish.you can ask your question about turkish culture and guys but first of all i advice you to overcome these prejudices. turks are so different from you thougt. we are modern people and the capital of turkey is ankara not istanbul

[Tiay]

hi everyone,
i am turkish.you can ask your question about turkish culture and guys but first of all i advice you to overcome these prejudices. turks are so different from you thougt. we are modern people and the capital of turkey is ankara not istanbul

Hi blue angel, welcome to LF

true. I guess my problem is that the western attitude to dating and relationships is so different.

for instance, I have never encountered a 22 year old male virgin- at least, not one who "admitted" to it.
I think the average age to have sex is around 17 here, and being older than 19 is almost unheard of, for guys. What are the cultural/religious (?) pressures that make turkish guys wait?

So I guess one question I have is how is he likely to feel about that, and how do I best proceed on that front? I mean, I really do like him on more than just that level. And if we keep going the way we're going, we will eventually have sex. Unless of course there's some cultural difference i'm not aware of..

He calls me his girlfriend, but what's the context? I mean, here in Ireland, dating someone for barely two weeks and making out a few times doesn't necessarily make a relationship, let alone an exclusive one. I have no problem being exclusive.. It's just that I'd prefer to have an idea of the general expectations involved.

Is the not kissing in public thing typical?

I'm sure i'll think of way more questions later

[the_blue_angel]

hi tiay,
i understand your concerns about culture differences. but first of all i can easily say that there is no culture in sex life. if you are dating, you will absolutely have sex. it is so neutral. in our society, generally people dont have sex under 20. but sex is acceptable also. a lot of nations are living in turkey. we are colorful society
as for context of calling girlfriend, it means you are special for him. if he calls you girlfriend, he wont deceive you and you are in a relationship.
i think love overcome everthing culture language.dont worry about it and dont forget that we are a bit different from you but we are completely different from arabian.
dont hesisate to ask me. you can ask everything ok?

[Tiay]

hi tiay,
i understand your concerns about culture differences. but first of all i can easily say that there is no culture in sex life. if you are dating, you will absolutely have sex. it is so neutral. in our society, generally people dont have sex under 20. but sex is acceptable also. a lot of nations are living in turkey. we are colorful society

Hm, well that's good to know. Wait, Turkish teenagers don't get horny? I find it curious, I mean Ireland is very catholic but people have sex in their teens and nobody waits for marriage.

as for context of calling girlfriend, it means you are special for him. if he calls you girlfriend, he wont deceive you and you are in a relationship.
i think love overcome everthing culture language.dont worry about it and dont forget that we are a bit different from you but we are completely different from arabian.
dont hesisate to ask me. you can ask everything ok?

hm ok, thank you
We both know that he's going to have to leave in 3 months (why, oh why do I keep doing this to myself??) but at the moment it seems like neither of us cares about that. He plans to apply for another visa next year to another European country, and generally wants to travel around Europe. Do a lot of turkish students do this?
I have to say I respect him for coming to Ireland when in the beginning he barely spoke english and didn't even know where he was going to stay.

I'm wondering what he expects to happen with the relationship in the 3 months, though I suspect this is something I may actually have to find out for myself.

[the_blue_angel]

our teenagers are more horny than you thought. i guess in your relationship you make out a few times then have sex.when he left from ireland everthing will be finished as you want.that s it.

[the_blue_angel]

also, our teenagers often go abroad with a little bit english. i think we are brave people

[Tiay]

our teenagers are more horny than you thought. i guess in your relationship you make out a few times then have sex.when he left from ireland everthing will be finished as you want.that s it.

you mean, we'll break up when he leaves and go our separate ways?

[the_blue_angel]

i think it depends on your desire. i mean if you want break up, you do it. but if you want go on your relationship, you do it.that is his and your decision. it is your private life.and that decision is unrelated his nation. am i wrong?

[Tiay]

i think it depends on your desire. i mean if you want break up, you do it. but if you want go on your relationship, you do it.that is his and your decision. it is your private life.and that decision is unrelated his nation. am i wrong?

oh yeah that's what I thought, it just seemed like you were contradicting it. Sorry, misunderstanding

[Tiay]

ok, I guess this is where I will put all updates regarding this relationship

so.... he got me a ticket to one of the trips that the foreign students get to go on, which was yesterday. Weather was terrible but we had a good time.
Doppelgaenger will love this: on the bus, he whips out a notebook and proceeds to learn more German in one day than my ex did in three years. And not just the shit that most people ask me, but proper sentence structure stuff. I didn't realise how freakin' complicated German is till then, lol, and I suck at teaching it
So I guess now i'll have to contend with deciphering german on top of his english. Ah, but it was fun. At one point, someone on the trip (he knew at least half of them, it seems) saw his notebook and asked if he was learning his 5th language.

So obviously he has a talent for languages. Did I mention talent makes me hot? So did the night before, when he stayed over at my place.

But let's back track first- I asked him if I could stay over at his (it's a lot closer to where the bus leaves from) and he agreed, but then didn't want to because his turkish friends might find out and apparently staying over is unusual in turkey (sigh.. why do guys agree and then change their minds? seriously, people, it's not fun) so we ended up sleeping in my bed, which, btw, is a single bed.

whyyyyyy? I blame religion. And speaking of which, I don't think he believes in evolution. And even if he does, it is surely the "oh but god created evolution!" type. This scares me. What do I do? Quick, somebody get me a turkish copy of the God Delusion that I can whack him over the head with!

(btw, I do NOT want a religious debate here. You can believe whatever you want, I'm all for equal rights and not discriminating.. but dating tiay is not a human right: I choose what hairstyle, gender, dress sense, or, yes, religious belief is okay and what is not)

so, where was I before? oh yeah, in bed. So we're at the oral sex stage. Which was great, don't get me wrong, but now i'm a bit unmotivated on the whole sex thing because of the religion thing. Damn my girly emotional needs.

[Junket]

You know religion tends to be a deal breaker.

If he succumbs to your needs he may feel guilty about it, or resentful of you later.

Is the lack of sex before marriage going to be an issue for you?

I would guess, "yes".

[vashti]

I don't understand why you are investing yourself emotionally in something that you KNOW isn't going anywhere. Either enjoy this for what it is (a fling), or let it go.

It sounds like you are trying to make this into something more significant than it really is.

[Tiay]

You know religion tends to be a deal breaker.

If he succumbs to your needs he may feel guilty about it, or resentful of you later.

Is the lack of sex before marriage going to be an issue for you?

I would guess, "yes".

well yes, it would be, but he shows no signs of not wanting sex. I have purposefully avoided the subject (of religion) because of the reasons you mentioned there.
And you guys know me- I usually cannot resist a debate. But any debate we have would be unbalanced, because I would have an interest in "winning" it, and that would suck.

I don't understand why you are investing yourself emotionally in something that you KNOW isn't going anywhere. Either enjoy this for what it is (a fling), or let it go.

Because I do want to be able to have a fling. I mean, i'm 22, and my "inability" to want sex outside of a very serious relationship has resulted, predictably, in 18 months of no sex. And yet I want sex and I want to enjoy this for what it is.

you know what, maybe this problem has a sort of self-fulfilling solution, though.. maybe if he's ok with having sex, then that also means he can't be someone who takes religion super seriously? Or is that just wishful thinking?

[vashti]

maybe if he's ok with having sex, then that also means he can't be someone who takes religion super seriously? Or is that just wishful thinking?

I already told you that there is a significant Muslim population that doesn't believe it is sinful to have sex with "infidels", esp. in a foreign country. Read page 5 of this link. Prohibitions against sexual behavior are more strictly enforced with Muslim women. Just as it is in Western countries, men are allowed more sexual freedom.

[url]http://www.arsrc.org/downloads/uhsss/akintunde_comments.pdf[/url]

[Junket]

maybe if he's ok with having sex, then that also means he can't be someone who takes religion super seriously? Or is that just wishful thinking?

We've had several people come here claiming that they used to have sex with their partners but out of nowhere their partner was no longer comfortable having sex because of their religion or pre-marital morals.

I believe it's just wishful thinking on your part.