Girlfriend of 3 years wants kids but I am not sure if thats something I want

[Rom2588]

Hello I am 26 years old and my girlfriend is 25. We have had a wonderful 3 year relationship with each other and have never fought and have lived with each other for the past 2 years. She is a registered nurse and is moving home with her parents 3 hours away in the next couple weeks and wants me to come with her. I have never really thought that having children is something I wanted and I told her that in the beginning of the relationship but we continued to date. She said that she would like to have one child at 31-32 which would give me enough time to hopefully finish school to become a nurse practitioner. I am not sure that it would be a great idea to agree to have a child with her just to keep the relationship going even though I love her so much. A part of me thinks I should set her free to find someone who will fulfill her desire to have a kid but another part of me looks at the future with her and a child together and I feel that it could possibly make for a good life. I feel I would be a good father but having a child seems like such a daunting task and I don't want to fail as a father or be resentful if being a father isn't something I like. At the same time I just finished school to be a registered nurse and I am not too excited at working as a nurse from my experience from being in the hospital which is adding stress to my plate. I am in the process of looking at going to school outside of healthcare so my main priority right now is finding my career niche. I know if I don't go home with her I will lose the love of my life but keep my life child free but if I do go I could stay with my partner and would propose to her within a year or two. This is very hard for me and my mind is going in circles about which path I should go and is making me depressed on top of me having to start a new career in a stressful field or going to school for something else. Thank you for reading and any advice you can give to me at this point in my life.

[michelle23]

Unfortunately this is something you need to decide on your own. As long as your having sex, the risk of her getting pregnant at some point is there whether its planned or not.. why are you so afraid of it? If you think you would be a good dad then what is the issue? Obviously if your not ready yet that is fine but if you don't think you will ever be then you need to let her go

[Wakeup]

I think you need to grow up for goodness sakes. You're 26 you are not 16. Finish school (That should have been done some time ago as far as I'm concerned) and get established in a job so that you're making some money and then have the kid.

If you don't have it with her you're going to have one with someone else sure as shit. If you really didn't want children then you would have gotten a vasectomy by now at 26.

All you need to do now is mature.

[Rom2588]

I think you need to grow up for goodness sakes. You're 26 you are not 16. Finish school (That should have been done some time ago as far as I'm concerned) and get established in a job so that you're making some money and then have the kid.

If you don't have it with her you're going to have one with someone else sure as shit. If you really didn't want children then you would have gotten a vasectomy by now at 26.

All you need to do now is mature.

Thank you for the input but your post is very abrasive. You throw around words like immature but you don't seem to have any concept of tact. I feel very sorry for people who come to you for advice and those who rely on you emotionally. I am looking for some constructive criticism not some bitter comments that try to make me feel bad about myself. Also I was in the military for four years and did a year in Iraq and that is why I am just finishing school now. You sound like you may have been hurt in past and I feel sorry for you about that if that's the case but you shouldn't belittle others in their struggles in life. We are all different people who have had different experiences that bring us to the issues that we face. You should be a little more empathetic and take some time to put yourself in their shoes and don't be so quick to judge others. Especially from a few sentences on an internet forum.

[michelle23]

OP if you don't have a kid with her, then it is 99% likely you will at some point have one with someone else.. so why not reconsider the idea of a family with her in the future when you do have your career established and can provide. Your 26 now. Where will you be financially in 2 years? Set some goals and go reach them and keep this girl you love. Its gonna be hard to find a woman who doesn't want kids unless shes 40 and already has 2 or 3..

And in my experience women who do not want children, rarely make good partners. The only women I know who do not want kids are high maintenance, selfish and love themselves too much to sacrifice anything for a child. Sounds harsh but its reality.

Again why don't you want children if you believe you would make a good father?

[Wakeup]

Thank you for the input but your post is very abrasive. You throw around words like immature but you don't seem to have any concept of tact. I feel very sorry for people who come to you for advice and those who rely on you emotionally. I am looking for some constructive criticism not some bitter comments that try to make me feel bad about myself. Also I was in the military for four years and did a year in Iraq and that is why I am just finishing school now. You sound like you may have been hurt in past and I feel sorry for you about that if that's the case but you shouldn't belittle others in their struggles in life. We are all different people who have had different experiences that bring us to the issues that we face. You should be a little more empathetic and take some time to put yourself in their shoes and don't be so quick to judge others. Especially from a few sentences on an internet forum.

.... And even more indication of your immaturity. Get over yourself for goodness sakes. I'm a stranger on the internet who gives GOOD advise to people who ask for it. It's not my job to be worried about how you'll take what I have to say. If you've been in the army then straight forward without fanfare instruction you should be used to.

Either leave her or do what I said previously and get your career going and then have children with her. EVERYONE is a little nervous and wonders if they're going to be a good parent or not. Unless you're suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and therefore not mentally capable of being a good father then stop worrying about that and take some parenting classes, use google and your own empathy to guide you into being a good father. If you're 100 percent against having children then get yourself snipped and quit making excuses for yourself.

It's not just your life that you're putting on hold.

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P.S. Thank you for your service. My Dad was a veteran and I appreciate what you do/did.