long distance relationship help

[decemberchic]

i'm wondering what i should do about a situation and if i am over reacting. long post...
i have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, close to a year and a half. we lived together for a year of the relationship, and he has recently moved to another state for his job. he is now 4 hours away. when he moved we agreed that we would visit every weekends, with me visiting one weekend and him visiting the other and we would speak daily. he's only been gone for about 3 weeks now, and i visited the first week he moved, but now things seem to be different. i don't want to say necessarily that he is cheating, but things are just different....

i noticed originally we would speak in the morning, at lunch, and at night. but now, usually when we speak its a quick good morning, how's lunch, about to go to sleep, no real conversation. which i understand, but it seems we haven't really talked or had an actual conversation in atleast a week and a half. he said it's because he's not a phone person, but i told him, how do you expect to be in a long distance relationship if you don't talk on the phone?? also, when we do speak its always i'm busy, i'll call you back, and he never calls me back, but says he fell asleep.

i'm frustrated b/c i've told him numerous times that this isn't working relationship wise. he also has been more moody lately. when i asked him when he's coming to visit he says i don't know. he was supposed to visit this weekend, but at the last minute he had to work. as i type this i see the writing is on the wall.... however i don't want to end a year and a half relationship over something that may just be an off week, but i just feel that something isn't right and i feel like i'm single again. i've tried to talk to him about how i feel, but he either doesn't answer or is too busy to talk. when i told him i was a little saddened i would see him this weekend, he stated its only been 2 weeks since i last saw you. which is true, but i saw him everyday for over a year, and until he moved away, we've spoken every single day since we met. any advice on what to do? i can't make him communicate more, but i feel like in a relationship that is essential. i don't want to throw in the towel, but i feel that i don't really have a choice....

[Nicholas_V]

the fail rate for long distance relationships is c. 90% . What you describe is farily typical . You need to realise that most likely this is not going to work, unless one of you two is willing to move closer to the ohter. Most of the times, again, this is not possible.

Throwing in the towel is probably the right thing to do.

[bulrush]

How specific were you when you talked to him and told him this isn't working? You have to be very specific with him about what you want. Simply saying "This isn't working" will not solve the problem.

So, you want him to talk to you more? Or when he talks, you want him to say more? There's a difference. Do you want him to share his feelings with you? It's kind of weird if you are dating, that he doesn't share his feelings for you.

OTOH, I share my feelings a lot, and I wonder if it bugs my girlfriend.