Hi, this is my first post on this board, and I've been lurking for quite a while now. Nice place you have here.
Ok, to the point.
I have been with my Fiance/exwife for 6 years going now and we get a long great these days. We rushed to marrage to early and after our daughter was born (now 2 years old) she ran back to her mom and dad for support. Her parents' said that if she were to come back then she's have to divorce...Ok now that's out of the way lets get back to my story.
We are now doing things what we feel is right and healthy, and I knew she felt overwhelmed with the baby and all, and I know she did what was right for her. I know that I'm loyal, and I know I'm there for the long haul.
We don't have sex very often now with the baby around, and that's perfectly fine for me. It's just now that we get the chance to have sex after the divorce, she opts out. Now I thought it might be depression, and or she might feel self concious about her body....
I ask her about it and all she says is "It's not you, it's me, and leaves it at that". Since I have roomates, I can't take here to my place, and since she lives with her parents she can't have me over, so we sometimes try the motels.
My fiance is an advid christian and goes to church at least 3 times a week.
I however left the church long before we met, and I choose to support her in everyway I can, even going to church with her, but I am not Christian.
I feel that she fears that she might be having premarital sex, and be sinning...
When ever we ever get into it, and it gets pretty hot and heavy. As soon as I try to take it to the next level she goes with it, and then as soon as she thinks about it for a sec she changes her mind, and is very noticably nervous and apprehensive. Before the baby and before she found God, she was a mad women in the sack.
Now I know that there is some depression here, and she does take an antidepressant anyhow, and I know she doesn't feel well about her body, although her body is better than ever, and I just don't say that because she's my girl. She won't even go out with out a long sleave shirt, when she would always wear short sleave when ever she could. My friends say that she may feel that she may be sinning in the eyes of God (on the sex issue), and she has also become more conservative, and I know that's the mother in her. But she's gone from one spectrum to an other. My fiance's mother is extreamly conservative, as well as her father.....
I tell her that she is so beautiful everyday, and it took forever for her to even feel comfortable to take her clothes off. I just want her to feel comfortable, and not to feel any preasure. I will take what ever time needed to take care of her in every way, it's just when I ask her she just seems not to understand why she feels the way she feels. That sometimes frustrates me.
I talked with her about therapy, but she wants to talk to her Pastor instead of a licenced social worker. That bothers me to a point. I have a pretty good idea what he may say already.
I just wants what is best for her, I just wish she would tell me, and I would just do it. I am not going anywhere, and I will do what ever it takes, no matter what, except leave her.
I'm just clueless on what to do next?
Any advice would prove helpful.
Thanx