This Shouldn't Be a Problem

[SamuelJ]

I have this problem. This probably wouldn't be a problem for most people. I met this girl many years ago when I was visiting my family and friends in another country. We were with each other but then had to seperate cause I had to go back to my country. We kept in touch by emails, letters and phone. After awhile we lost contact for a few years. Later there was one year we got in touch again and expressed our love to each other said that we wanted to be with each other but somehow did not meet. Few years have passed and we have met. It seemed like all these years were a pause. We knew we were right for each other and that we wanted to be with each for the rest of our lives. We did something about it, moved together to one place and just recently got engaged. I couldn't imagine being with someone else. All these years since we met I haven't been with anyone (I have before we met), there were girls that wanted to be with me, that I liked, went on few dates but never couldn't go any further I always thought about this girl I met in another country and always had her in my mind. I do regret for not doing anything earlier, for not going there and doing something about it. The thing that bugs me is that she has been with someone else since we got together for good. Her first was somebody else I always thought that I was going to be her first. I know she regrets it and it was a very short period of time with that somebody, but she felt lonely and thought I stoped caring for her and not wanted to be with her which was untrue but thats how we miscommunicated with each other. So she was interested how it would be the first time and wanted to have someone, which I can't blame her or anyone, we all want to be with someone special. The thing is that it bugs me sometimes that it wasn't me her first that it wasn't how I always imagined, sometimes I even get weird thoughts in my mind about her and the other person that just come out of nowhere and I don't know how to erase them. It was a bad experience for her she told me, sometimes I want to ask more questions about it but she doesn't want to talk about it which is normal sometimes it bugs and from time to time I ask her questions about it which I shouldn't. Have any of you ever felt or been through something simialar? Any advice you have for me? I don't know what it is maybe abit of jealousy, anger? but it is destroying me because I get too negative and depressed about it and I don't want to be like that I want to be the best man for her and the best person I can be. Maybe there are books about these subjects that can help I'm not sure? How can I get over this.

[LostNotFound]

ok i don't get it. you wasn't the guy she lost it too or you just wasn't the first guy she went out with?

[SamuelJ]

I wasn;t the guy she lost it to.

[Gigabitch]

And that was, what, a few hours of her life that she didn't even really enjoy? And you're going to let that ruin everything else?

What is the matter with you?

Nothing perfect ever happens to anybody. The world is a messy place and people make mistakes all the time. Nobody ever gets it 100% right.

You are fortunate enough to be in love, and not only that, she loves you back. That is a special, beautiful thing, and you should cherish it like the gift it is. Treat it like a delicate flower, shelter it. Don't stomp on it in your tantrum about how she disappointed you. You sound like a high school kid.

[SamuelJ]

Thank you for the advice,

I really need to focus on the Present and future that's the key.
I'm working on this and trying to control my mind and think about this to forget about. I really do want things to go well and I want to change this in me. I have stopped asking the questions and don't go back and talk about this to her but now I just need to work on myself and my brain. Hopefully I will have victory over this and be the best husband I can be cause I really want to.
The ending of the story is that we finally got together and want to spend rest of our lives together. It's really a blessing. I'm sure she was lonely it's true, she regrets what she did and she was with that person a very very short time it wasn't a serious relationship she only thought it would be, they weren't even together for a month. She says that she wished I was her first and regrets that I'm not. When we made love together the first time it seemed to her that it felt very close like it was the first time that it hurt, that she was nervous but it was special because it was with me.
During those years I was very lonely too, I do regret for not doing anything earlier, I know it was long distance but these things don't matter, a person could be anywhere in the world we just have to listen to our hearts and not forget cause anything is possible.
I know if we did something earlier about it I wouldn't have to strugle with this. I know I need to be strong and focus on the present and work things in my brain.

[Gigabitch]

I've been thinking about this some more, and I think there's something you should consider. She now knows what it's like to be with someone else, and it wasn't good. She'll never have that nagging doubt that she might be missing something because she already knows what that's all about, and it's nothing she'd ever want again.

Seen this way, you are lucky that she did that. So lucky.

[SamuelJ]

Gigabitch.... you are right. That's a good point.