I ruined her life. How can I help her?

[imterrible]

I may have ruined the life of this girl I dated. Basically I played her and her life has been a train wreck ever since. Is there any way I can help her? I feel extremely bad and I'm worried about her.

For those of you who are willing to read the full story, I shall continue...

She is 19 years old and I am 20, we started dating in October and split up in March. What I'm going to tell you is going to make you think I'm an awful person and perhaps I am. However, that doesn't change the fact that I am sorry and I do feel bad for her, as well as worry.

When we met I was going through a bad depression and she was there for me. She took me under her wing and cared for me. Eventually she fell in love with me but this was not mutual on my behalf. I liked her but I did not love her. To be honest, I was more interested in the sex and having someone care for me. I know it's awful and I do regret it. From the beginning of the relationship I knew it would go nowhere. I knew that it was a temporary cover for my problems and that I would eventually leave her. There was no real connection for me... I didn't experience that spark.

Eventually I got sick of it and being the coward that I am- I decided that I would make her leave me. So I changed my entire personality around her; becoming clingy, cold, and distant. She wouldn't leave me though... For some reason she fell for me more. Eventually I gave up and started going with it again.

We ended up making plans together. I was never going to follow through with them but being the terrible person that I am, I allowed her to dream. We made plans for me to transfer to her university and to move in with her. At this point she was head over heels for me. Her mother even prepared for me to move in. I knew now that I had to get out of it once and for all because it was becoming too serious and I didn't want to be with her. My method of doing this was terrible: I told her that I had been sleeping with my ex. This pretty much broke her heart and it was over.

Now it has been about two months since we have talked and she knows that I'm seeing someone else. It has come to my attention through a mutual friend that she has been online dating and having affairs with random 30-40 year old men. This worries me quite a bit... She is a good girl, this isn't her. I took a look at her facebook page and she has a ton of posts about how she has been getting used again and again by these married men, and how she is depressed. She is doing things out of character in desperation it seems. There are even posts on her wall claiming that she is probably going to drop out of university and that she has lost her job. To top things off she went back to her ex for a bit and he punched her in the face.

This girl has suicidal tendencies and a history of cutting. I am genuinely worried about her... She also has social anxiety and borderline personality disorder. So she doesn't really have any friends; total recluse. In her past she was abused and raped by her ex boyfriend (The one before me) and her step brother raped her too.

What can I do? I know it's not for me to say but this is not the path for her. She is a great person; caring, sweet, beautiful, and very smart (probably the smartest person I have ever met). This girl is destined for greatness in my opinion, she could change the world.

I want to help her but she won't talk to me and I can't blame her for that. I've had to talk her down from suicide in the past... That's what is making me worry the most. She also has nobody to talk to. Her mother has mental illnesses and her father is dead, she is an only child.

I realize that I am a piece of **** for leading her on like I did and being selfish.

[devonbrown]

The best thing you can do for her is to leave her alone completely. I understand your worrying about her, but understand that you really hurt her and everytime you try to make contact with her it reminds her of that. Just leave her alone and trust that she can handle things.

[MerryH]

Good god, leave her alone. You've done enough. I'm not saying her downward spiral is all your fault. She had problems before you. But wow did you ever pick a tremendously vulnerable person to toy with. Shame on you.

What can I do?

Stop using people. Fix yourself. Do some volunteer work that helps victims of sexual assault or incest. Donate to charities that help the children of people with mental illnesses. EDIT: I just read your post again and found some more applicable causes that you can help in order to ease your guilty conscience: domestic violence, suicide prevention.

Whatever. Just leave her alone.

[hello1]

You knew she was unstable but you still played with her. You are horrible

[sookie6]

you literally played with someone else's life (she has suicidal tendencies...)...anyway..all is not doom and gloom she is very young and her whole life is ahead of her.

The only favour you can do to her now is to disappear from her life...hopefully she will pull herself together...you mentioned her mother...at least she has support either financially and morally...

As for you...karma will probably get back toyou...you'll be played like you've played her...unless you grow some ethics around people.

[KelE]

Yeh, she is better off without you in her life. Her choices are her own and you need to quit keeping tabs on her. Sounds like you are thinking of playing her again and just trying to rationalize it by saying you feel bad for her and want to save the poor girl. Well you weren't thinking about that before you played her out. So just let her move on and don't feel quilty, you'll end up getting played by someone too and it will be that much harder on you. That is when you will get what you deserve.