I really really need help. Having trouble on how to let go?

[Tasha89]

So I have been "seeing" a guy from work for a year now. It started out as a hook-up I guess you could say. He just came out of a 6-year relationship with his then gf because she cheated on him. So it hurt him quite badly. I was upset but I chose to accept it as it was. After he told me he wasnt looking for anything serious it upset me more. I didnt want a fling. The next day he sent me flowers. Then he would constantly text and call me to hang out (never just for sex). As time advanced we started spending so much time together. Eventually it resembled a relationship. But it wasn't official. The time we spent together was never even based around sex. It may have been 20% out of everything else we did. He was so sweet and caring toward me. It was nothing like a friendship because we did everything a happy couple would do. But nothing ever in public or around friends. Which saddened me. Though he did introduce me to his family who is the world to him.

I stayed because I thought it would advance into something more down the road. But boy was I wrong.

Here we are after an entire year now and he tells me he doesn't want anything to do with a relationship and doesn't want a girlfriend right now. So I ended it. He cried and gave me space but it only lasted 5 days before he missed me terribly and said he didn't want to lose me. So I'm an idiot and got swept back in to this non-commital relationship. And I hate it, i think I deserve better. I hate what we have being hidden from public, it makes me feel so unimportant.

I constantly worry he's going to find someone else and I have no right to care because technically he is single. So I have to end it again. But I really don't want to hurt and I am afraid to move on. I'm so used to having him around. We see each other like 5 days a week. How do I get the strength to end this permanently and move on when I am in love? I think he is too, he just won't admit it.

[MerryH]

Start seeing him less and less until you reach the point where it won't hurt so much to end it completely. You don't owe him any of your time, so you shouldn't feel badly about putting space between you.

It would probably also do you some good to develop some healthy anger toward him. He's jerked you around by pursuing you when (I'm sure) he knows that you want a committed relationship that he can't/won't give you. He hides you from people. In these aspects alone, he's treating you very poorly. So don't let him anymore.

[hello1]

He is treating you badly! you never should have agreed to go out with him again, at least in a non commitment relationship. End it again, make it clear you will not get back with him unless you two are a proper couple.

[Tasha89]

Thanks guys! I guess I tend to overlook how I deserve more because my feeling are in the way clouding everything. He truly does care, I have not listed all the ways it shows because I didn't want to write a novel haha. But really he does care about me I see it in his eyes. He gets soooooooo jealous and upset if a guy hits on me. And if I text anyone he automatically assumes it's a guy and gets upset. He bought me a 300 dollar camera for my bday and he is always the one to contact me alllllll the time. So I know he cares.

But I mean seriously by now something should have progressed if he had any intention of committing, right? I think he is seeing what is out there even though I know for sure he hasn't been out with any girls since we're around each other all the time.

If I keep makig excuses not to hang out he'll know something is wrong and he'll ask me about it because I never have plans really. I want to see him only at work. I am hoping (like the first time) that the space will make him realize he misses me but also that it is permanent unless he makes a move. I just don't want to let go but i know I have to for good