Am I completely clueless??! Does he want me or not?!

[jessZ]

hey everyone, i'm new to this forum and desperately need some advice pls! Ok so I've been seeing this guy for around 2 & a half months and I really really like him. He has been a good friend for a while, but we ended up getting together one night... We kind of fell into it - we've both come out of long-term relationships and neither of us really wanted anything 'serious', So it started as very much a physical thing (we're very compatible in that way..!) but then progressed quite quickly to become more than that. We started seeing each other more and more often and then about a month ago he actually told me he loves me... though I care about him a lot, I didn't feel read to say it back but he said he was fine with that - he just wanted to tell me how he felt.

Anyway.. fast forward a month and things are now, well... crap! You see he has a daughter to his previous partner (they share care of her) and we also work veeerrry different hours, so we barely see each other, maybe once a week. This started to really get to me, and I found I was always left wanting while he was too busy to see me. I started to feel insecure about his feelings and the last couple of times we've been together he has been quiet and distracted. I feel as if he is not into it anymore and a couple of times that he has actually been free he hasn't made the effort to see me. So... I told him I didn't think it was working and we should end things because it is impossible to find enough time together. He was unhappy with that, but agreed that he can't give me the attention I deserve and just feels really stressed with working long hours, looking after his little girl and also trying to see friends sometimes as well. So we agreed it was for the best to break up... but then the very next day we confessed to liking each other a lot and wishing it could work. But not knowing what to do, we're now having a 'break' for a few days to gain perspective and decide what to do. The thing is, I am now regretting ever saying anything, I miss him like crazy and am scared he is going to come back to me after a week and say he isn't into it anymore. Is he just using the break to let me down gently? When we decided to have a break, I told him that I missed him and he said "I miss you too, but I want to miss you more" WHAT does that MEAN??! Does it mean that he likes the idea of being with me, but not the reality??! Oh I am so confused - this is very long guys, sorry!!! Please help, I want to understand where he is coming from but I don't know :-(

[davidtorres]

lol be straight up with the guy. the problem is a guy cant fix the problem if he doesnt know whats going on. it seems that your analyzing too much. he already told you that he loves you and you didnt say anything back. what do you expect him to do? love you still?

[jessZ]

I have told him that I want more time together, that I like him a lot... That maybe I rushed into breaking up and want to work it out, but now he is insisting on at least a one week break to think about things. Is this his way of ending it? I guess that is my question.

[NeoSeminole]

he's mentally preparing himself to let go of you b/c he doesn't see a future with you. Don't make it harder for him.

[qwertz]

^^what he said

[jessZ]

So why bother with the break then?? We're meant to be having no contact at all but last night he sent me a text to say he misses me...
Guess I'm also confused because he told me he loves me... Maybe he has changed his mind :-(

[qwertz]

He wants to want you more than he does..meaning he likes you, but not as much as he would expect to. He feels bad at breaking up and his way of trying not to make it so bad is by contacting you and telling you he misses you in the hope that somehow that will ease his conscience.

Move on, no contact from now on, unless you want to continue to feel confused.

[jessZ]

Ok thanks so much, think I get it now. I guess maybe he said he loves me too soon... I'm not sure... Anyway, I guess I just have to move on and accept that it is over :-(

[jessZ]

Ugh, just got an email from him saying how much he misses me and how it sucks to not have contact and... That he'd be willing to try to make some changes to make things work.. Just as I'd decided to get over it, he does this. I have no idea what to do, this sucks so bad.

[davidtorres]

You want him right? then stop holding back and say yes.

[Primo]

Jess, you answered yourself with your original post. You were each other's rebound, it didn't work out. Most don't. You need some alone time when you come out of something long term, it's not a bad thing. Sounds like it's best for both of you to keep some space.

[lahnnabell]

I agree with Primo, as per usual.

[jessZ]

Yeah, it is a rebound thing I suppose but I actually really fell for him and it seemed like he fell for me too... I really wish it wasn't over because it hurts, but I think that it is :-(

[Cbrider]

Break = It's over

Rebounds always meet halfway, but like everything else in life, equilibrium is wishful thinking. The relationships that do last go back and fourth at the halfway mark, but never stray to far to one side or the other.

It sucks, but it was two and a half months, life goes on and other men will fill in the picture.

[jessZ]

ugh, he called me twice this evening to say that he really really wants to work things out and that he loves me..

I'm sorry guys - I really do appreciate the advice and thanks for taking the time to give it, but I was just getting used to the idea of break = breakup and now he calls me saying this!!! I really don't know what to do. I want to give it another go but feel so nervous about it now :-(