Finding it difficult to really move on?

[JadenMia]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about a month ago. The relationship was horrible and it should have ended months ago which i only just realised now..

I am doing okay in a sense. Better than i ever have done trying to leave him anyway. But i still feel like i maybe havnt completely 'let him go'.. If that makes sense?
I havnt seen him for over 2 weeks now, which doesnt really bother me. I havnt had any urges to go see him like i used to whenever we broke up. I dont feel in love with him either.. But i do feel this intense anger against him. It makes me feel so crazy because the anger absolutely consumes me to the point i will cry, or just sit and stew over it.
I feel angry that he did this.. That he could make me feel like this, that he could ruin us with his controlling and unfair behaviour..

I also feel intense jealousy. This is what gets me.. I hate feeling like this as i feel it is the most useless feeling in the world. Since we broke up he has really gone all out. He moved in with his brother into a party home. He is always drunk, having fun with friends, gettng with other girls.. And i feel so angry about it while im home. I have responsibilties in my life, i have a job and a daughter and i feel angry that he just gets to go have all this fun while im at home.. My daughters in bed and im just lonely. Even though he was horrible, i sometimes feel like i got the short end of the stick.. that im the one who lost out.
It is strange because i dont even feel like i miss him or our intimacy.. This makes me sound like a horrible person but i just cant kick the feeling

I dont know why im posting this.. I just need to tell somebody and so far this site has been SO helpful.
So.. Is this a normal way to feel? How long will it take for this to go away or at least just not be so important to me..How can i fight these feelings?

Thanks

[devonbrown]

It is perfectly understandable and normal to feel these ways. Understand that those feelings of anger towards him will eventually turn to feelings of pity for what he lost out on in you and how meaningless his life has become.

You feel empty right now, but that is just because you had someone around constantly and now you don't. In a way, it is like losing a pet. They are always there, and then when they are not, you feel a sense of longing, of loneliness. But you know the reasons why they are gone, you accept them, but then one night you find yourself missing their presence. Not even them necessarily, but their presence around you.

Think of it this way. He is out partying and having a good time for him. But think about the misery he is bringing those people he is spending time with now. Be glad that you don't have to worry about that. Be glad that you are free of him.

Concentrate on you and the things that make you happy. As a bonus, the happier you are with yourself will cause him more aggravation, knowing he couldn't control you to the point of breaking you.

Time. It takes time. Sometimes a long time. But time will not let you down. And in time you will find the relief of knowing that he is gone.

Good luck.

[Bonfire]

I also feel intense jealousy. This is what gets me.. I hate feeling like this as i feel it is the most useless feeling in the world. Since we broke up he has really gone all out. He moved in with his brother into a party home. He is always drunk, having fun with friends, gettng with other girls.. And i feel so angry about it while im home. I have responsibilties in my life, i have a job and a daughter and i feel angry that he just gets to go have all this fun while im at home.. My daughters in bed and im just lonely. Even though he was horrible, i sometimes feel like i got the short end of the stick.. that im the one who lost out.
It is strange because i dont even feel like i miss him or our intimacy.. This makes me sound like a horrible person but i just cant kick the feeling

Why do you even know what's going on in his life? You can't look at the road ahead if you keep looking in your rear-view mirror. He should have been completely out of your life. No contacts no updates. Nothing. You shouldn't even want to hear anything about him, like he doesn't exist anymore. Then it will make moving on so much easier.

[JadenMia]

Thanks for the replies, i reallly hope these feelings will go away in time. I know they will eventually, but it just feels like they wont at this point you know? Ugh, i wake up everyday and the more the day goes on the more and more i get brought down by thought and anger. Its just so frustrating and upsetting.. The worst thing is he will sometimes randomly send me texts telling me how much he misses me and loves me and wishes things were back to normal which is really messing with me. I just dont reply but i know its because he is drunk..

And the reason i know all this is because we are all in the same friend circle.. Everything he does it seems it reported stright back to me by somebody. My closer frends know not to mention him at all. But not everybody knows this. We live in SUCH a small town it is hard not to see him at all, i see him all the time, just driving past us, in the stores, it feels like i cant get away from him. This is probably the biggest reason i didnt leave him much earlier and was the biggest reason i was afraid of, trying to get over someone when they are always in your face is hard.
Especially as he has my stuff and that alone makes me SO furious..

All in all, i am doing pretty good and as i said it isnt as bad as i thought it would be.. I just feel like i havnt yet let him go. But when he is out of sight, he is definitely (most of the time) out of mind.

I just pray every night that this will all go away soon.. I am so sick of feeling so down..

[Bonfire]

You should stop all your friends from sending you updates, tell them it's disrespectful to you. Have you consider changing your phone #? Him sending you texts is a big problem if you are trying to move on. When we say no contact, we really mean it in every aspect in your life. Even if you bump to him at a store, be polite and walk away. The more effort you put into cutting him out of your life, the faster you'll move on. I know it's not easy, it never easy for anyone. It's been only a month for you, so you'll have to deal with these negative emotions for quite some time... but remain strong. You'll get over him.

[JadenMia]

You should stop all your friends from sending you updates, tell them it's disrespectful to you. Have you consider changing your phone #? Him sending you texts is a big problem if you are trying to move on. When we say no contact, we really mean it in every aspect in your life. Even if you bump to him at a store, be polite and walk away. The more effort you put into cutting him out of your life, the faster you'll move on. I know it's not easy, it never easy for anyone. It's been only a month for you, so you'll have to deal with these negative emotions for quite some time... but remain strong. You'll get over him.

Thankyou, yeah i have told everyone who decides to tell me something about him to just never, ever mention his name to me again. I have always ignored him when i see him too as the sight of him just makes me angry at this point. lol
I am going to look into trying to block his number from my phone .. Someone mentioned it was possible to do through my phone company. If not i am going to change my number as he still hasnt stopped texting me. It definitely doesnt help in getting over him when i see his complaints and love texts coming through.. Then sometimes, like today, he will text something stupid like.. 'Hey hows it going'.. lol I told him to F off.. and then he will go off on one, asking if my 'new guy' is better than he is.. saying i will never find a 'man' like him ever again. He's such a jerk.. lol
But yes, time is certainly helping, the more the days go by i feel like im learning to be on my own.
Sometimes when i am feeling down, i lay on my bed, close my eyes, put on some music and just think about stuff and i am actually feeling like i am able to just control my anger a little bit. Kind of taking my anger and upset and learning to control my emotions a little bit better than before rather than just breaking down. I really feel like i am learning.. And it feels good
Thanks for your help!!

[warriormaiden]

I know exactly how you feel. You hate them for breathing, but you oddly miss them. It's a confusing mess of emotions that are horrible to get over. But you will.

That was totally rude and disrespectful of your friends to alert you about your ex, knowing what you two have gone through. You need space and healing time.