Chance to win her back

[neilandrewsdrw]

Hi everybody, first of all thanks for your help. I really truly appreciate it. Secondly I'll try as much as I can to make my story as short as possible. I'm not saying I'll succeed but I sure will try =)

Here's my situation.

In January I got to meet a wonderful girl and we instantly clicked. You know what I'm talking about, we had the same habits, the same taste, the same goals, we were following the same formation. The relationship seemed kind of perfect, we had lots in common, I got accepted by her friends who love me, she got accepted by mine who love her. I met her family, she met mine. It really seemed perfect. I wasn't even going through the whole "is this going to fast?" reflection because everything was going so beautifully and it was completely natural.
As you probably guessed it all was too good to be true. About a month in the relationship she suddendly changed because she got text from her ex that kind of disturbed her. She said that she hadn't completely forgotten him even though they had been broken up for 7 months (he was a jerk that cheated on her numerous times and because of whom she suffered and cried a lot)so she said that she needed time to think about what she wanted and stuff and that she couldn't be with someone while she was going through that phase. I was suprised and dissapointed because up to that point I had been, without bragging (she even told me), the perfect boyfriend. She even said that had that text come 2 weeks later it wouldn't have had that effect.

Being insanely in love with her I tried to keep her by asking her to give me a chance to make her forget him but she said no, that she needed time and space. So we broke up.

Since then she has been very cold, doesn't talk to me nor answer the few texts I had sent her. It is very hard for me because I really don't know how to behave.
I did a lot of things for her but in secret not to disturb her. For example I had dedicated her a poem (Pablo Neruda Soneto 17) while we were together and since she left me, every morning I write this poem on a sheet of paper, put it in an enveloppe and send it to her without putting a stamp. Every night while we were going out I wrote the lyrics of a love song that made me thing of her in a notebook, I kept doing that even after she left me. I gave up smoking for her and the money I would spend on my daily pack I gave it, in her name, to the red cross. Her grand-mother, that I met and liked, has cancer and is dying so I anonymously send her flowers every week. She lives and hour away from me, every week I go over there and put a warm coffee and muffin in front of her door for her breakfast. And a lot of other stuff that she has no idea about.

Here comes my question.
In 10 days I will meet her for a cup of coffee because I will be in her town for a seminar, how should I behave?
What should I talk about? Should I ask her where she is at in her reflection? Should I ask if she has being seeing other guys or if she got back together with her ex? Should I mention all those things I did for her?

Thank you a million for your help

[steviej]

Keep the no contact up in between now and then. When you meet her you need to be the fun, confident person that she adored, do not be needy, insecure or gushing your undying love for her.
You have done everything right and this is now up to her! All you can do is keep your dignity and be strong. This time apart could be good as she'll be missing you and it gives her space to start thinking about you and not the ex.

By posting those letters without a stamp, i assume that they don't get to her? (If so good)

Prepare for the worst though, i went through a kinda similar thing and you really cannot predict how women will act!
It's hard though, but keep strong.

[~Aetherius~]

Keep the no contact up in between now and then. When you meet her you need to be the fun, confident person that she adored, do not be needy, insecure or gushing your undying love for her.
You have done everything right and this is now up to her! All you can do is keep your dignity and be strong. This time apart could be good as she'll be missing you and it gives her space to start thinking about you and not the ex.

By posting those letters without a stamp, i assume that they don't get to her? (If so good)

Prepare for the worst though, i went through a kinda similar thing and you really cannot predict how women will act!
It's hard though, but keep strong.

I totally agree with this. Show her that you're happy and don't NEED her, although being nice and polite to her is crucial. You need to be everything you are that caused her to fall for you in the first place, but if you're needy or come off this way by talking about your relationship or her relationship, you'll only scare her off.

Confidence is key. Be sure of yourself but not pushy, that will also scare her off. Talk about things of mutual interest, treat her like you would if you two were together, only don't be lovely dovey, although a little affection is okay (hug hello, hug goodbye, rub her shoulders, ect...) where appropriate. Then, leave the ball in her court and wait to see what she does and how she responds later on (if she calls you and wants you back, ect...)

Good luck!

[neilandrewsdrw]

Thank you both very much for your help and your advice... I do have some news and I'd like to ask your opinion on wether it changes things or not. One of my best friends who also happens to be one of her bestfriends talked to her a little bit this saturday night and asked how she was doing. She said that she had some problems at school and that her ex totally made a fool of her and hurt her one more time. Should I assume that she retried to go back with him and that it didn't work ? Should I ask her?? Does it change anything to the way I should approach my meeting with her??

Thanks a lot again !!!

Neil