Whats the next move?

[lostlove]

Hey all,
I'm in a situation currently, where I don't know if I'm doing the right things or if I'm missing something and I would be interested in anyone's input. I'll try to keep the background as short as possible:
So.. There is a girl I work with who I've been interested in for a good while now. When we first met I was in another long-term relationship, so things started out rather platonic. About 2 months after meeting her, I lost my long-term relationship. During the immediate post-breakup week, I was soo upset and depressed/crazy that I kind of made a subtle pass at her by asking her to get some lunch with me. I knew that she had a boyfriend at the time, but from my observation they were not doing well. She responded, "I would love to get something to eat, but I just wanted to let you know I have a boyfriend." So, I felt really weird about the whole thing after that. We kind of avoided conversation for several months after that; maybe just a "Hi" in the hallway.
After a few months, and after I got my head back on straight, I decided that it was silly that I had pulled away from conversation over something so silly as a simple turn-down over lunch. I decided to force myself to make pleasant, casual conversation with her when I could. So, I did that, and over the course of another couple months, we actually ended up talking ALOT; sometimes having close to 2 hour long conversations about all kinds of stuff. She did mention her boyfriend in some of those conversations; however, she never really spoke of him in a positive light-- mainly either neutral things or annoying things he does. Her boyfriend is kind of wasting away his life, not doing anything productive, while she and myself are bother very successful in our careers; it seems logical that we would be a better fit. It turns out that we have ALOT in common and I can tell that she really does enjoy talking with me. There have been all kinds of little things that make me think shes interested in me and then other things that make me think we might be on the "just friends" track in her mind. First thing I can say about her, is that she is SHY. Her shyness makes it hard to tell sometimes if she is flirting or not. While we were talking the other day, I told her a joke pick-up line I had heard from a friend. The next day her away message was that pick-up line with a ;-) after it. That kind of stuff makes me think she might be subtly flirting, but I can't stop thinking that despite the fact we've been having a lot of really great conversations in the last few months, she is still with her boyfriend who she says she is unhappy with.
I guess the question is: Is it possible that she would think I'm not interested in her now, and thats why she not leaving her boyfriend? I've been pretty casual (not overly flirty) since the last failed attempt. Do you think that I need to lay on the flirting a little more because she is a shy person? Or do you think that, for whatever reason, she wants to be good friends but isnt interested in me as a date?
Anyone who thinks they know whats going on here, I would appreciate your input. Thanks, and sorry for the long post!

[RollingonremZ]

well i would certainly wait for her to do something with her relationship before you do anything, if i thought someone was trying to take away my girlfriend i would seriously, hand on heart knock him out for the count.

Stay friends with her, but jus remain casual friends untill she bails out of her relationship, if she is as unhappy in it as she is making out she is.

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Edit: Sorry, i just realised that that didnt answer your conclusive answer, but thats just my two cents on what i personally think you should do

[vashti]

I vote you tell her you are interested in dating her, but only after she loses the boyfriend, and then I would quit hanging out with her unless/until that happened.

[lostlove]

Yes. I couldn't agree more. I've been cheated on, and had another guy mess with my girlfriend, so I understand, and would never want to do that to anyone. That is why I've been so casual, and not flirty; just because I feel that if I am flirty, I'm doing something wrong. So, I guess that's the debate. If I don't act a little flirty, she may assume I'm not really interested, and if I do act flirty, then I feel bad for messing with someone elses SO. I guess the trick will be in the degree of flirting; very mild.

[mini696]

I would suggest that because you are flirting with her, she wants to keep you on a leash (just in case), and that is why she doesnt talk about her BF in a positive light.

[lostlove]

Mini, do you mean that she is toying with me as a back-up plan in case her other relationship falls apart? I think that's what you're saying, and it might be partially true, but I just wanted to clarify. This flirting has been going on for months and yet she is still with this other guy, so I'm starting to question if this is all just a game or if it has any possible future.

[vashti]

Of course, it is entirely possible that you are misinterpreting her friendliness as flirting...

[mini696]

Vashti might be right... She could just be being friendly. My ex used to be like that (flirty) -almost to the point of kissing you.

and yes... there I was trying to say she may be toying with you.

It is so so so hard to guess what her intentions are.