long distance, is it worth it?

[walkingantics]

me & my guy have been dating for over a month. we've have a dating history from the past, but this time its alot harder because he lived 2 hrs away.

at first it was cool because i got to pick him up every weekend & bring him to where i lived. he got to see how i changed, and that i wasnt as dependent on him as i used to be. when we were together it was perfect. my friends actually complained because he didnt talk to them at all. he devoted all of his attention to me.

now, we havent seen eachother in almost a month. we used to talk on the phone everyday, but he has a job now that i dont really have the chance to bring him here even if i could find a ride [long hrs & usually 7 days a week]. so i have to go see him. but hes not really making any effort to buy me a bus ticket or find me a ride or anything. now before you say i'm putting it all on him, when i was getting him rides i paid at least half & i was always the one finding people. he doesnt know many people where he lives now, but it cant be that damn hard.

he says he wants to see me and would pay anybody to bring me to see him, or for a bus ticket... but i dont see any effort. we almost broke up because he says he hates talking on the phone all the time. i told him if he did that i would never talk to him again. we don't have to talk everyday, but i am not going to go through this again. not only that, but unlike him, i know people here. and while i believe he will be single for awhile if we break up, i am pretty sure i would start dating again within a month... and i'm not going to put any effort into talking to him then because i believe that is being unfaithful in some way. especially with the history we have.

anyways, he decided that in that case he still wanted to be with me... he just freaked out because he felt guilty for not calling me... well, i told him i'd call him friday but i got busy. and i didnt call him saturday for the same reason. this is the first time ive done that. yesterday he didnt answer. he doesnt have call id & he doesnt get long distance, so the only way he could really call me is borrowing a cell phone from someone or calling from a payphone -- which he hasnt done at all.

now i have some good news for him & i can also find a ride up there in the next few weeks... but i dont even know if i want to tell him. i mean, he didnt even call me this whole weekend. i shouldn't have to be the only one.

i have alot of stress going on, and when we're together, he makes it all seem to go away. but this long distance crap isnt really working, at least not for him. i feel like its only me making an effort. now there's nobody else i'd rather be with... but hell, i'll be single if it comes down to it. i'm not afraid to be alone. i've even suggested an open relationship, but he says the only person that will benefit is me.

so what should i do? call him? i'm sure i will. but in the long run, do you think i'm overreacting because i want constant attention [i've always been like that, bad i know] or that he just really doesnt care?

[Mathias]

I'm just going to make my standard reply.

1. Have a plan to get together in the same place within a year.

2. If you can't follow #1, you're either not mature enough or in a place in your life to make that kind of commitment. Move on.

[Gigabitch]

LDRs are hard. Really hard. Both people have to be making a great effort to keep them going, and it sounds like he isn't really that kind of guy.

It also sounds like you're pretty clear about the fact that you're not willing to put up with this.

I guess I don't understand the question, really.

If you're asking what other people would do in your situation, I, for one, would make a clean break of it. You sound like you're pretty much in fourth gear while he's just idling along.

[Junket]

Why should he put in any effort if you're picking up his slack?

[Cain]

Distance is hard.. it's painful. Both parties have to be fully into wanting to make it work or it's going to fail.

[vorguen]

do you love him? and he you?


cuz if thats the case... if i was the guy and the girl even suggested an open relationship that would break my heart...

i would probably break up with her or bring up the

"if its that bad being with me....." conversation.

something tells me a relationship is not right like that. i would say dont threaten to break up with him, but tell him that if he doesnt show you that he wants to work for the relationship that you might end up leaving him.