Break up over a hypothetical situation

[owleyes]

I had finally found a man who I could actually relate to. We had such a beautiful relationship, very honest, caring, understanding and great sex. Then he decides he wants to break up with me because he's worried that I haven't been travelling and done all the things a 22 year old show be doing and that if our relationship was to go further, I would realise that I missed out on all these important life experiences and leave him.

He's 9 years older than me, runs a business and has travelled a fair bit before. Now he's thinking he likes the idea of settling down and he's considering a family. This all sounds perfectly normal for a man his age, and it is. The problem is, I too feel like I'm ready for this. I like the idea of settling down, I've always been very maternal and (with the right man) I do want kids in the next couple of years. I have always been too mature for my own good, the things that I "should" be doing now, like partying and drinking during the week, I did when I was much younger. So now, even though I'm in my early 20's, I'm so ready for a long term relationship, a house and a family.

We both want the same thing! Our relationship was good. I can see where he's coming from and I understand why he's scared of that, but I wouldn't do that. If I really had the urge to go travelling I would go for a month and come straight back to him. I wouldn't just take off indefinitely. That's what he did, and he can't seem to understand why I wouldn't too. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! We broke up 2 weeks ago and I haven't contacted him at all; I'm too hurt. I'm in my last year of studying but I can't find the motivation to do any work. I'm such a mess, I just want him back. No one did anything wrong, if anything, we're perfect for each other, WE WANT THE SAME THINGS IN LIFE!

Please tell me what to do. I hate not being with him...

[HeartIsAching]

Uh... girlfriend you dodged a bullet. He's telling you what he "thinks you should be doing", and not supporting you in what you are doing. You don't really want and need a controlling prick in your life.

[owleyes]

But he's not controlling, he's so supportive. He said he doesn't want to hold me back in life and that's why he thought it was best we broke up. He told me he still loves me, and that he knows it doesn't fell right to break up. I kind of wich he cheated on me or somethings so I could be angry at him. But he's too decent a guy.

[HeartIsAching]

Uhhh... no, he's controlling GF.

He's telling you what HE thinks you should be doing, and breaking up with you because you're not doing it.

[smackie9]

This is what he wants you to think......making himself look selfless and admirable for letting you go to not ruin your life experiences. He had his fun boinkin a 22 year old...movin onto the next. Stop being so naive. If you were everything he could ever want, he wouldn't have dumped you.

[Wakeup]

Obviously you don't mean as much to him as he means to you. A man who loved you and wanted you for a LIFEmate wouldn't send you on your way to experience life with other men.

Sorry, doll but this guy is just using the "you need to experience life" as an easy excuse to end things.

Good for you for not contacting him at all. Now you just have to accept that he's not going to come running back to you all upset that he's made a terrible mistake. If you need something to read that might help you through your grieving for him, the book The Five Stages of Grief might come in handy for you.

He is controlling by the way, telling you what you should be doing, not considering what you want to do and breaking up with you so you can do what he says you should. pffft. You'll get over him in time and you'll find a guy that wouldn't let you get away and in fact he'd want to show you the world together.

Sorry you're hurting.

[owleyes]

You're probably right, I hadn't thought of that. All his friend's are telling him he's a dick for breaking up with me. They think I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to ME. But apparently not.

I hate the fact that when you break up with someone, you also break up with their friends. I miss them almost as mush as I mis him.

[smackie9]

I'm so sorry you got a raw deal. It's his loss that's for sure. Not to give your hopes up but people who do the dumping can change their mind. They say there is a 3 month time period (thinking time) where they might consider getting back together. So you never know. But for now do things to make yourself feel good like go on a nice trip with Gfs, buy some new clothes, go out and socialize. Try to keep busy so you don't "think" about him. Time does heal all wounds.

[overanxious]

i went out on a date the other night with a girl who had been in a relationship with a guy for 10 years....since he was 20 and she was 17...they were married and she was pregnant...2 months into her pregnancy he decided he wanted to experience the "things" he didnt get to in his earlier years....he wanted to sleep with other women....people are crazy...what a time to decide that huh?

[michelle23]

sorry doll but thats all bull. Hes trying to make himself look like the nice guy and this is his way of letting you down gently. If he loved you and valued your relationship-he would not be letting you go so some other dude can take his place-instead hed have a ring on your finger and be planning a future.

F**k him-plenty more fish in the sea as they say and youll get over him.