Hi there, I apologize in advance for coming across as whiny and emo when I have no reason to be. I'm 21 years old and from Norway and recently I've hit a sort of speed bump in life. I'm about to become an adult and enter the adult world and I just realized I am scared shitless. I had a nice childhood and good parents that always backed me up, which weirdly kinda messed me up in the long run. They instilled this thought in me that I would grow up and become anything I could be and never really helped me build a work ethic to aid me on the way. It's kind of like that Fight Club quote "We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." But instead of being pissed off, I find myself very depressed. The thought that I could end up with a regular office job, doing something I don't care about at all for the rest of my life really bums me out. I am studying Film at the moment, but everyone knows that it's a hard field to get into even if you are good. Which i'm not, yet.
I haven't had any luck in love so far in life either, i've kissed to girls so far. One was 2-week girlfriend kind of thing when I was younger and the other is a girl I'm seeing now, but that's a whole different story (unlikely to work out much longer). So recently I became scared, what if i don't find that "soulmate"? Now I don't use that term literally, but what if i just settle for the first person I find that likes me enough to marry me? What if I don't find that special girl that can elevate our potential love to something legendary. Now you might have noticed I'm an idealist when it comes to love, watched to many movies when I was a kid and now I hope to find something from "Before Sunrise" or something, (or at least some girl who would have gotten that reference).
Lately I've become almost apathetic about everything, nothing drives me anymore. I eat only because I realize I haven't eaten in a long time, not because I'm that hungry. I sleep only because it's late, not because I'm tired. I hang out with a few friends every once in a while, but we just watch a movie or chat for a bit. I feel like I don't care about anything and at the same time I am angry with myself for being such a whiny bitch when there are millions out there who would happily change places with me. I have good days and bad days, and the bad days can go to very dark places..
I guess I'm just rambling on at this point, but is this something everyone goes through at some point? What is the solution? Just accepting a "mediocre" life and getting a job and getting on with it? If you think I'm just whining and need a slap to the face please say so, but any advice will do at this point. Thank you for reading.