Ok this is a slightly odd one, I have an ex gf from years ago, we dated from 1999-2002, were pretty serious, I proposed to her and we were saving to move in together. Unfortunately I was only 22 at the time and felt too young for so much commitment, and I got cold feet and we ended up breaking up, something I've regretted for the last 8 years.
I did ask her back a year later because I missed her so much, she (rightly) said no and had a new partner by then.
Now, its been 8 years, but we've stayed friends and in touch over the years, I'll be honest, I was still thinking about her every single day until about 2005, I've had a few girlfriends since, but I've never felt the way I do about her with any of them.
We've had times where we've both been in relationships, and contact has been kinda mininal. Recently though, she got out of a bad relationship last November, from a guy she lived with who started to be abusive to her, she wisely got up the courage to move out and break up with him.
I've also been single for around 2 years now, so recently we've had an opportunity to get to know each other again, but I've realised I'm still massively in love with her I just know how stupid it sounds after so long.
Her parents still think I was the golden boy, and her dad even said to her recently that she should try again with me, she told me this and she kinda laughed it off, so I went along laughing too. She still talks with a lot of fondness about our time together, and even said recently that she wished we'd got together when we were older as we'd have probably lasted forever.
I don't live in the same city as her at the moment, but I've actually been applying for jobs there so I can move near her again, obv I haven't told her that she is the reason, just that I "missed living in the city".
The kicker came last week, we were chatting on the phone and she told me she was going out on a date with a guy she'd met a few days before, a slick business man, with a BMW and his own place. They had a second date last week, where she got annoyed with him because he spent all night just trying to have sex with her, then ignored her after that, she contacted him and they're going out again this week, she said mainly because she's a bit lonely and she said "well I guess he is a man, I probably can't be too angry for that"...
It kinda made me realise that I seem to have fallen into the "gay best friend" category, something I do NOT want, I felt like something inside me had died all day after that conversation, and made me realise I don't think I can ever just be friends with her.
I've been keeping my distance over the last few weeks since I found out she was dating, and she's noticed, she keeps calling me and texting me asking if I'm avoiding her, I just keep using the excuse that I'm too busy at work, she said we need to catch up soon and she feels sad not talking to me after we'd become close again recently.
So my question is, what do I do? Do I blurt out that 8 years after we've split up I'm still head over heels in love with her, and risk making everything awkward and making her uncomfortable, or do I just back off and live my life as I have been for the last 8 years. If I'm not in constant contact with her, I can deal with it, but recently I've been having dreams about me and her again, I know I'll always love her.
What to do... I'm gonna have to do something soon though, I'm running out of excuses not to answer her calls.