online relationship becoming more ...

[djinn]

I'm a 22 year old guy with a serious illness. The condition started presenting itself over 8 years ago, remained undiagnosed until about a year and a half ago, and has been left untreated until I start a series of lifelong, fornightly infusions next week.

About 5 years ago, when the illness was starting its gradual rise in severity and taking its toll on my life, I started visiting internet chatrooms for my 'social fix'.

I started talking to a few people, often transferring the chat to instant messaging programs so we could talk more personally, but with many of the people that didn't last long, as our conversations soon grew stale until we finally stopped talking altogether.

In the end, of all the people I'd met and talked to during just a few months on the chatrooms only one remained, a girl of similar age to me who I seemed to get along with really well.

Not long after we first started chatting she sent me a photo of herself, and I have to be honest in saying that I was more than a little disappointed to discover that I wasn't attracted to her at all - she didn't look like the kind of girl I was usually interested in.

At first, when I started visiting the chatrooms, I wasn't looking for a potential girlfriend, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been made hopeful by the fact that we got along so well. However, once I saw the picture of her and found myself unattracted to her I began to see her purely as a potential friend instead, and I contribute not trying to impress her to the fact that I felt comfortable just chatting to her normally.

Now, 5 years later, we still talk alot, even after a period of over a year where she no longer had an internet connection - a problem we overcame by swapping mobile phone numbers and making sure to text each other often (although as were both quite shy, neither has made the move towards a proper phone call) and sometimes with her using the computers at her local library to access the internet, allowing us to chat online.

Over these past 5 years of us getting to know each other I have felt slowly growing feelings for her, but I've always pretty much ignored them because, I'm ashamed to say, the physical attraction just wasn't there.

She finally had her internet reconnected almost a week ago, and since then we've found ourselves chatting to each other alot - often from early evening until almost 2am - about everything and nothing.

However, the thing thats bothering me at the moment is the fact that, since she got back onto the internet I've seen a few new photos of her, and although she hasn't changed much since that photo 5 years ago, I'm now finding myself really attracted to her. With that comes a few problems though because, although we've kind of made an unspoken promise to meet each other for real as soon as is physically possible, I don't want to do anything that could possibly cripple the incredibly precious friendship I have built up with her - especially as shes never hinted at any similar feelings she may have for me (at least no hints that I've been able to pick up on).

However, when we were recently talking we got onto what we think of how each other looks, and she told me that she thinks im not as bad looking as I think but that shes seen better. I wasn't sure how to take that at the time and I'm still not. Would any of you be able to romantically think of someone whose physical looks you had that opinion on? I mean afterall, she does seem to like my personality.

I'm unsure of what I'm supposed to do though, because she can't travel here to meet me until she has her driving license, which could take another 6-12 months or more, and I can't travel to her due to the pain the illness forces me to live with 24/7, and even though I'm about to get treatment for it, that could take up to 6-12 months to start taking effect (a fact she is fully aware of, along with the details of my illness).

I personally think that the best chance we have to properly discover our feelings will come when we meet in real life, but as that could be 6-12 months, or even more, from becoming a reality, what should I do with the growing affection I'm currently feeling for her? The new found ability of being able to chat with each other anytime we want has only made things more difficult, as I seem to have a problem in conversations (both in real life and online) where I tend to take something too far and say too much, so it could only be a matter of time until I go and say something stupid and give her too much of an impression that I have feelings for her.

Should I be honest and spill the beans about my growing feelings or do I hold onto them until we finally meet in real life, or such a time when I say too much online and end up having to tell her the truth anyway?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Jim

[djinn]

Sorry to have to post again but I could really do with some advice. Please.

[Catdog]

That's kind of a touchy thing to answer. If you really don't know how she'll react, and you don't want to ruin it then wait until you meet. If it's love and it's meant to be then 6-12 months won't mean anything in the long run. If you think she won't react badly and could possibly return the feelings then take a chance and tell her. Another thing you could do is actually move onto a real phone call. It could tell you more on how she feels about you. You could try little hints but nothing to out there to see how she responds.. thats about all I can say. Just take it slow and enjoy her company Good luck!

[Cain]

If you have feelings for her, your friendship won't last. You'll get hurt when she gets into a relationship. Let her know how you feel and what you think about her.

Why can't she get her license right now? How old is she?

[djinn]

Catdog: I honestly don't know how she would react if I told her. I've tried dropping tiny little hints, nothing too much, but when I have she's never really reacted, usually just a or and a quick change of subject, so its hard to really know what she's thinking.

As for a phonecall, I very much doubt she would be up for it - she hates using them and only does so in absolute emergencies. Apparently she hasn't used a phone by choice in like 3 years, lol.

Cain: She can't get her license now because she can't afford the lessons. She's got a pretty crappy job that doesn't pay too much, and she can't find much better for the moment.

And I'm not sure if I mentioned it in my original post but she's a year younger than me, so that makes her 21.

[djinn]

Just to let you know, I think I've come to a decision: I'm going to leave things how they are for now, at least until that time comes when we can finally meet face to face. The truth is that I don't know what I'm feeling. I mean sure, I have growing affections for her but I can't truthfully say what it means and I don't want to ruin a friendship like this over feelings I'm still discovering. Theres no sure way to find out what the feelings are until we meet and see if theres any chemistry between us, so I'm going to wait until then, I don't want to mess her about or anything. I want to make sure its for real.

Thanks for the help