Complicated issue

[subzerolife]

Ok i've got to lay the groundwork before my problem will make any sense. The girl I love for her pre-teen and teenage years was a part of a "community" that did the whole master/slave thing people do in the bedroom in all areas of life. Shes very submissive by nature, so for a long time she was a slave for her masters. I've known this girl for 7 years. We lost contact for a while and finally picked it back up and she decided she wanted to do modeling. Nude modeling, which was fine, it still is. I became her driver because I was out of work, but as time went on we got a lot closer and we both started falling in love with each other. Once I started staying with her, we pretty much spent most of our time together.

Now, we didn't do much of anything sexually, because she was still married to her highly abusive "master" ex husband. We never even started dating officially because of it. As the months went on, she started using more and more of her freedom, and it scared her, but I was always there and so it was ok for her. When she no longer had a home, I took her in and made sure she wasnt homeless (she has been homeless twice in her life, both around 3 months long, and both in the winter) and we worked up enough money and I found a room we could rent on our own. Everythings fine, we arent dating but we are definitely more than friends. We love each other very much.

So, we end up working with this very creepy photographer and his girlfriend. We work with them for a while and apparently she develops an infatuation with that couple. They did a very watered down version of what she grew up with. Now I know she still loves me. I know the main reason she left is because she is just scared. She gets flashbacks from time to time from her past. Well, her being afraid of her new freedom and scared of what might end up happening with me has manifested in me taking the place of the people who actually did the stuff to her in the flashbacks.

She moved in with the photographer and his girlfriend, and started a "relationship" and by relationship, the creepy photographer is the master and he and the other girl are his pets. We just met them a month and a half ago. I don't know how to convince her to face her fears and come home. She is only there both because of the infatuation and because she is scared of what might happen. Shes now 45 minutes away and I cant see her I can only text and call. Anyone have any ideas on how I should handle this situation?

[vashti]

Wow. Just when you think you've read it all...

[Wakeup]

Get on with your own life and Leave her alone. You can't fix her.

[ctr916]

I would like to suggest that you become her new "master"; but the Force may not be with me and I have not studied under Master Yoda.

[subzerolife]

Get on with your own life and Leave her alone. You can't fix her.

Doesn't work that way. I never tried to "fix" her the changes she made she wanted to make and she made them on her own. I didn't try to change her. Its like a stage she grew out of but its hard so shes clinging to it. No chance in hell am I going to
"leave her alone". Horrible advice.

Ctr, a washed down version of that is how it was supposed to start. But right now i'm trying to figure out how to get her to come home. I'm not even sure she is safe where she is.

[Wakeup]

Doesn't work that way. I never tried to "fix" her

You fail to see that she needs fixing though. She needs extensive personal therapy and you and your nice-guy attempts can't help her. She'll be forever leaving you for the next sexual dominace.

the changes she made she wanted to make and she made them on her own.

yes, and then she ran right back to what she is addicted to.

I didn't try to change her.

No, she thought she could settle with you but the pull of what she's addicted to her made her flee.

Its like a stage she grew out of but its hard so shes clinging to it.

Yes, shes' broken and no matter how much you want her, you do not fill what's missing inside of her. No one will be enough for her because of the state of her psyche.

No chance in hell am I going to "leave her alone". Horrible advice.

You're just as damaged as she is only in a different manner. Have you thought about getting counceling for your codependency and white knight complex? For your inability to accept the obvious? Your need to have your own way even when someone doesn't want you and runs away from you?

Ctr, a washed down version of that is how it was supposed to start. But right now i'm trying to figure out how to get her to come home. I'm not even sure she is safe where she is.

Like I said, you can't fix her and if your story is true, she's been brain washed and what you offer will never be enough for her... not until she's had a lot of de-programming through personal psychological therapy.

[IncognitoSir]

wakeup is right, this chick has been brain washed. Programmed to be a sex slave....that's all she is. It's all she knows, if you can't see that, no here can help you and you definitely can't help here. This is the honest truth. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

[devonbrown]

OP, it isn't a stage she grew out of. It is a lifestyle she feels comfortable in. And she is making it clear that you are not a part of it.

Leave her alone is actually nor horrible advice. It is just not what you want to hear.

If you fear for her safety, contact the police. Or social services (depending on her age). Or her family (if she has any outside the lifestyle). But unless there is severe physical abuse, nothing will probably come of it and she will just hate you for doing that.

The best you can do is keep your door open to her and let her know that you are there for her when and if she decides she wants to come home.

[subzerolife]

No, you're all not paying attention. She wants the change in her life. Ses just scared of it. I tried to make that perfectly clear in my post. If someone has actual advice, i'd appreciate it. Trust me, she doesn't want that lifestyle. But she is greatly afraid of the change and so shes trying to seek refuge. I need a way to show her that i'm safe, and to prove I wont harm her or let any pain come to her.

[devonbrown]

No, sorry, but you aren't paying attention, subzerolife. She wants the change in her life so much that she jumps right back into another situation just like it? That makes zero sense. If she is scared, that would keep her from getting OUT of a situation, not make her get back INTO a new situation.

How you show her that you are safe is you let her make her decisions like an adult. Stop trying to be her savior.

[Wakeup]

I need a way to show her that i'm safe, and to prove I wont harm her or let any pain come to her.

Like I said, you can't fix her. You can not do enough (no matter what you do/did) to make her adapt to the change you want her to adapt to. She needs a psychiatrist to help her not be afraid of change. Phone a psychiatric hotline and ask them this question if you think what each of us have been trying to tell you is not actual advise.

I think you trying to fix her would be like the blind leading the blind to be honest.

[subzerolife]

No, sorry, but you aren't paying attention, subzerolife. She wants the change in her life so much that she jumps right back into another situation just like it? That makes zero sense. If she is scared, that would keep her from getting OUT of a situation, not make her get back INTO a new situation.

How you show her that you are safe is you let her make her decisions like an adult. Stop trying to be her savior.

u
de. You just aren't listening. She didn't jump back into the same thing. She is in a very different thing with some similarities. It's not "just like it"

Wakeup, pay attention. I'm not trying to "fix" anything.

[TheTooya]

u
de. You just aren't listening. She didn't jump back into the same thing. She is in a very different thing with some similarities. It's not "just like it"

Wakeup, pay attention. I'm not trying to "fix" anything.

Man this thread is long, I haven't even tried reading it, but I think you should stop trying to fix her.

[Wakeup]

Yes, you are trying to "fix" her you're trying to get her to be normal when she's not "normal" You think that if she comes back you'll be able to make her not do what she's always done as far as being a slave and a sexual sub. Well, you can't do that. As I said, she needs professional help to fix her.

You are delusional as well so I suggest you too get some counceling to help you with your own issues such as codependency, obsession, the inability to see past your own nose and your stubborn need to fix and or save people who are broken or beyond your ability to save.
.
She doesn't want you dude. That's really the bottom line so just let her get on with her kink the way she wants to..

For the sake of keeping this thread going (cause i find it fun) I'll ask; if you're not trying to "fix" her then what is it you're trying to do for her? Would it be rescue her, perhaps?


*On second thought.

Anyone have any ideas on how I should handle this situation?

yes. break into the creepy photographers dungeon and kidnap her away from her dom and fellow "pet." She'll be ever so grateful when she comes to her senses and realizes how much better off she is with you her obsessive mad white knight than she could ever be anywhere else.

Good luck.. wear dark clothing and your fastest get-away-shoes.

[TheTooya]

@wakeup

I think you should stop trying to fix him. He doesn't want to listen dude. That's really the bottom line so just let him get on with his kink the way he wants to..