REALLY complicated issue please HELP

[almightykaz]

First off I've been reading through a lot of posts, I did find a few that were sort of related but no where near as complicated as my current predicament.

This is probably going to be a long post so hold on to your butts.

I've been in a relationship with a girl(Liz) for two months. If you were to classify us you could say we were friends with benefits. I've also been sort of a Shining Knight to her but not overly, I do like her a lot though. Now I've known her since November last year but our relationship really kicked off at around Valentines day when she said she liked me. Since then and up until now either she would be sleeping over my place for the weekend or me over at her place. Sometimes during the week I might drive over to her place after work to hang out with her. We both have many common interests but mostly just love to snuggle up and watch movies...or just snuggle.

Now over this entire period of time we've been 'together' she has always been hesitant about moving up from 'friends with benefits' to actually officially being boyfriend and girlfriend. I know originally it all started just as a little bit of fun but it has really evolved to something much more then that. We're best friends, we do everything together and I guess I am a bit of a Shining Knight as I try to do anything for her. Recently I think I've come to the realisation that I do in fact love her. This has unfortunately backfired a little bit for me as we were going so well just as 'friends with benefits' but there's more to it.

Between November and January she was seeing a guy that originally started off as just fun but she later on told me she fell in love with him. He told her he loved her as well but a bit later he dumped her for another girl and ever since then has been heart broken. She says she dreams about him and even gets reminded of him from the most simple things like a street sign with his name, I even have a shirt that he used to wear that reminds her of him. She wants to forget about him and says that if she met me before him then things would be completely different between us.

Liz said she's always felt this big uncontrollable spark when meeting a guy she likes but with me she says its different. She has said at times its a curious spark and also at other times a calming spark. She feels comforted by me and thinks I'm the greatest and most nicest guy in the world, she wishes it was me she met first. Liz also says she doesn't want to hurt me and has often reminded me that it might not work due to her past and her flirty nature.

Her past is another complicated issue, her first sexual experience was by her boyfriend who she trusted but he betrayed that trust by assaulting her sexually. She has been with many guys, more then I'd like to admit. She's been hurt by many guys which I guess is why she is the way she is.

The sex we have is amazing and she said that if we were **** buddies that I would be the best she's ever had. She's been teaching me a few tips and tricks to which I love to use on her(She likes the 'running man'). No problem here...

This all now brings me to the current problem...
Recently she reluctantly asked me to 'go out' with her, to officially declare it boyfriend/girlfriend which was great but she still said that it might not work out and that she still has issues.

Just a few days ago she had a dream again about her ex. She came to the conclusion that we should stop doing all the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff and sex so she can have time to sort herself out. The dream didn't completely influence her decision but I'm sure it reminded her that she still had feelings for her ex. She said that our relationship started midway, which is true because it was her crying on my shoulder about her ex and then the following week us having sex. Liz said she didn't want me to be her rebound guy and mess things up, she just wants us to be good friends for now so she can get over her ex then pursue something with me later like a real relationship should develop. A lot of metaphors were used like she'd rather 'want me' then 'need me'...other things like she needs to get rid of her old car and that I was her new car. She wants me to go out with others girls as well for experience as she doesn't want me to wait for her...I don't want too though because I'm pretty sure I love her that much but unfortunately my own desire to have sex is really annoying me to all hell, even if I do get a girlfriend I keep thinking it'll mess it all up. Overall it was a really emotional night for me...

Right now I've agreed to it and she seems happy about it...

Really, I just want anyone's opinion/advice on the matter. I love this girl and I want it all to work out but will it even work out? What can I do to help her through this? Can I even help her or will I just make it harder? Should I pursue other girls strictly for my own sexual needs or wait for when Liz is ready? I don't mean to sound selfish about my sexual needs but god damn its hard...literally...all the time...

Thanks for your time, hope to hear from you all!

Zak

[almightykaz]

Well the truth finally came out I think...

She doesn't have that 'spark' with me and has really only been indulging me with being my girlfriend because she wanted to stay friends and have me happy. Suffice to say I'm really ****ing upset about it, not with her really but with myself for believing that she loved me in the first place.

Maybe I'll soldier on...I don't want to though, a part of me feels gone. I feel like nothing.

Thanks for ALL your help...

[bulrush]

Sounds like you chose to give her your heart before she was commited to you. Sorry it didn't work out for you. I hope it's better next time.