Drunk actions? Do they mean anything?

[LoveWanderer]

I recently realized I have a strong attraction for my dance partner. We always crack jokes and have a good laugh. Although I am very playful with him, more than with any other guys, he seems not to get it, even though he can also get very playful with me. I know he is kinda of a shy person cos he told me that before and he also told me he was an introvert. He mentioned that being with me helped him come out of his shell a little more. In classes, I can see that he is rather on the quiet side with the other females.

It was his birthday 2 weeks ago and I was invited to a party with his friends. We had dinner then, headed to the bar. After a couple boozes, he came by where I sat I wrapped him arm around my shoulders. At some point, when coming back from the bathroom, he just grabbed me from the waist and started kissing me continuously on the cheeks saying that I was such a great partner to him and all that. I felt a little bit uneasy because that did not seem to be like the usual him. But then I also kissed his cheeks back. I was too shy, too scared to go for the lips. Then I called it a night.

The following week, we only got together twice to practice but neither one of us talked about what happened that night and he did not seem like he was all that enthusiastic because neither his work nor his dancing were going well. He even got frustrated in front of me. He appeared colder than he used to be. He said to me that he felt frustrated and pressured because he felt like he was the student and I was the teacher instead of being partners because I dance better than him. I tried to calm him down but he was rather stuck up.

I am curious to find out whether he likes me more than just a dance partner or not. I know he mentioned a few times that dating one's dance partner can get messy because arguments on the dance floor can be carried over personal life and vice versa. He is a strong thinker, he thinks and analyses everything that happens in his life.

I wonder if the kisses he gave me that night meant anything? He was somewhat drunk but not too drunk. Are drunk actions a translation of sober thoughts? Do people remember things the next day?

[IndiReloaded]

What's that quote about drunk minds speaking truth, again?

[Asip4u]

Sometimes us guys need a few beers to show how we truly feel so yea there was probably something there. The thing is, if he really is one of those guys that analyzes everything, it probably won't work since you're his dance partner and he obviously thinks its wrong.

[LoveWanderer]

Funny thing is on that evening itself, one of his other friends showed interest in me too and my partner noticed it. So he asked me yesterday what we talked about cos we seemed to have had a pretty good conversation going on and I told him the truth and in fact one of the question that I was asked was about the type of guys that I was attracted to. I told my partner that his friend was not very smart to ask such question but then my partner got also curious and asked me the same question. Do guys usually ask girls what type of guys they are into? I mean I had other relationships before but I don't remember any guys ever asking me that question. Also my partner was asking me if I wanted to get hooked up with his friend and such? I said no and he asked me why.

So all these make me more and more confused. Is he interested in me or is he not interested since he is trying to find out if I would be interested in getting set up with his friend? Am I thinking too much?

[Asip4u]

Well he could be analyzing you too. By asking about you hooking up with his friend it's kinda giving him an idea what you're about. It also depends on how he said it...also if you notice that he gets a little jealous or uncomfortable when you are talking with other guys, it's a good indication that he's into you. You should be able to test him and see how he reacts when you're out with other guys around. If a guy doesn't feel it he just won't care what you do so yea it will be more clear..

[LoveWanderer]

I am usually a very friendly person so I get along with lots of people and get a lot of attention. I have quite a few good guy friends and a very close gay friend but my partner does not know he is gay. My partner does not really like hanging out with my friends, he came out with us once, he felt a bit uncomfortable and shy. He'd rather hang out with his friends.

Also I once told him that I was shy (implying to relationship stuff), he said he couldn't tell. I am a ESFJ personality type and he is of a INTP type.

Well when I told him I was not interested in being setup with his friend, he asked me why, what I did not like about his friend and all that.

I wonder if it is a good idea to confess and tell him directly that I have feelings for him... not sure how he will take it tho. He's a pretty reserved person. Probably he will not have an answer for me and will be thinking thinking for a while.

[Asip4u]

Why don't you hint on getting together someplace, something low key no pressure where it can be just you and him...It doesn't sound like you two have gotten that much time outside the dancing and that party...By spending more time together, just you and him maybe he'll open up more. Since he is shy perhaps he just needs more time to get to know you.

[LoveWanderer]

I organized other group outings and he did not come. The only one he came was to have lunch with my sister when she was in town. Then he came. I also tried getting him to go out with me on one on one but he did not seem to feel that easy with it. I tried asking him to go bowling with me, he almost said yes last Friday but then not being able to dance properly changed his mind and canceled. He decided to go home instead. In fact for the entire week, he did not meet up with me to practice because he was hiding to practice on his own. He was very upset not being able to get the basics. Well he has a very competitive nature. I think he has a strong ego of not losing. Guys are worried about looking dumb in front of girls?

[doppelgaenger]

What's that quote about drunk minds speaking truth, again?

In vino veritas[, in aqua sanitas].

Im Wein liegt Wahrheit, im Wasser liegt Gesundheit.

In wine lies truth, in water lies health.

By the way, it's true. I find it easier to be myself when I am drunk.

[Asip4u]

duh! hehe..of course he is worried about looking dumb in front of you...All that stuff explains a lot about him..The fact he's shy, competitive and he likes to analyze everything..makes perfect sense why he's turning you down a lot..I guess you'll have to stick to meeting up at places where you usually would and when you are around him, try to speak to him alone. He could definitely use a confidence boost..He's very intimidated by you.

[LoveWanderer]

Well he indeed once told me that he was happy to have me around because I could help open himself up a bit more. What he had been doing and couldn't get rid of was to apply thinking all over dancing. For every step, every leg action or body part moving, he has to think about patterns, logics, concepts, whether things make sense or not. He has trouble feeling. He's a science guy doing his PhD in some prestigious universities and he had always been an A students with full scholarships. He has superior analytical skills and creativity. But then when it comes to dancing, it's a whole different world. I guess he feels bad that people with much less education can get it, what appears intuitive and simple to others is extremely challenging for him, cos he cannot feel. I am trying to convince him to let go his thinking but it is so hard. He can be so stubborn. I know he avoids to go to certain dance classes too because he is worried about how people would see him and also how incapable of following the class. I said many times that it was ok not being able to pick up things as fast as others and that dancing and academics are 2 separate domains, that I did not mind. But seems like it is not working. Cannot change people's way of thinking. It's a change that one needs to do himself.

[Asip4u]

Its a big challenge thats for sure. All you can do is give it time and hopefully he will start opening up more. You cannot force it especially with him being the way he is...let it happen naturally. Hope it all works out!

[LoveWanderer]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll see how it goes. I guess patience and time will tell. Since he asked me what type of guys I liked, and I gave him a list of attributes I looked for, I also sent him an email asking him what type of girls he liked =).
I am really not good at guessing about guys. When I was in college, I took a psychology class just for fun because all my schoolmates told me it was not only fun but very easy but I got a D- for that class, so that is definitely a domain I am super weak in. One class was enough, never bothered to take another psych class!

[Asip4u]

I hope things work out with him LoveWanderer...One of the reasons i decided to respond is because i can sort of relate due to the fact i was in a very similar situation..As he gets to know you, he might learn to relax and go with the flow a bit more. That will be very important..I use to analyze way too much in the past...Not so much now and it`s helped a lot.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll see how it goes. I guess patience and time will tell. Since he asked me what type of guys I liked, and I gave him a list of attributes I looked for, I also sent him an email asking him what type of girls he liked =).
I am really not good at guessing about guys. When I was in college, I took a psychology class just for fun because all my schoolmates told me it was not only fun but very easy but I got a D- for that class, so that is definitely a domain I am super weak in. One class was enough, never bothered to take another psych class!

[IndiReloaded]

He may just be a hopeless dancer & you'll have to live with this. Sounds like he has other qualities that more than compensate. Its not uncommon for those who live by the prowess of their minds to be a bit clumsy/uncoordinated. Haven't you heard the saying about academics: bodies are simply a way for their heads to get to meetings.