like OMFG !!! Someone please help me and fast !!!

[BillyGalbreath]

Ok - here we go: There is this 'new' girl here at work. she has been here for about a month now. She is a college grad and she is ****ing beautiful !!! We have talked alot in the office and we seem to have alot in common - she laughs at shit i say, but then again she laughs at what everyone says. lol - but seriously... She is in a higher position than me (mostly because of the college she has and i dont) and i want to ask her out on a date.

BUT

I dont know much about the company's policy on employees dating other employees - specifically if she could date me even tho she is technically one of my bosses....

AND

I know we have a strict sexual harrassment policy and i dont know if me asking her to go eat saturday night would be considered sexual harrassment or not. I dont exactly know how the system works, but i heard it all depends on how the person recieves the message. Like if she didn't think of me that way and she felt that was me 'hitting' on her, then she could easily say that is sexual harrassment... Thats the LAST thing i need right now.

But those are the two things that are stopping me from asking her. I dont know if its a good idea to ask her, even tho i seem to like her alot so far, as a friend, but i feel it might... MIGHT grow into something more. I just want to have fun right now and need to start dating. And I asked God how do I start and right when i did, she walks into my office and knocks on my door.... If thats not a sign from God then i dont know what is...

But idk - i am just scared - idk if i am more scared of the policies here, or just me just getting butterflies in my stomach from thinking of her like that.

How would one go about asking their boss out on a date ? Or is it even not a good idea ? Note* I am very good at keeping personal and professional lives seperated. I've done it before and i could do it again.

Idk what else to say !! Someone PLEASE help me fast so I can ask her out today before 5pm Central US Time so that I can have all of tonight and tomorrow to prepare - and also so she doesnt make any plans for saturday, unless she already has...

[BillyGalbreath]

I forgot to mention - I am 20 - she is 26 -- age is not a factor to me, I have dated women before that were this much older than me and it worked fine.

Another thing - something that i think is kinda important -- She has never sent off any signlas that she would like to go out for a date - at least that i have noticed... And nor have I sent any signals to her. But she has talked about being single in front of me to Karina (another employee - female) but loudly so that I could hear... And they seem to have alot of private talks without me around and they dont really have anything to talk about work related cuz their departments are way different from each other... And today Carrie's (the girl i like) office door was open and I was in Karina's department (my dept. too) and we were talking about me having to have motivation to quit smoking etc etc, and Karina just looked up towards Carrie's office door (i saw out of the corner of my eye) and said slightly louder than normal "you just need to get a real woman". idk what she meant exactly by that - i mean if she was hinting towards me or Carrie that we should get together or if she was just telling me to go out on my own and get a girl - i have no idea.

But yeah - i figure this bit of info might have some importance on this matter - not sure.

Thanks in advance for any help

[squirrley]

This is odd for you...asking for dating advice? Billy~step up to the plate and get some balls like NOW! Just go up to her and ask her? Keep it simple and light hearted. Let her know you'd like to go out with her for a drink. A DRINK not dinner, then if you feel like youre not hittn it off, you can bail, and vice versa. Going through a 2 hour dinner and not knowing could be ucky.

GO ASK RIGHT NOW!

[squirrley]

I said now damnit

[squirrley]

Uh Billy? why havent you asked her yet?

[nomas]

Do you work for the government? If so, then I do believe there is a federal law against relationships between management and subordinates...but I'm not sure if this just applies to marriage/civil unions. As for private industry..I think it depends on company policy. If you were at the same level in the management pyramid I don't think it would be an issue at all.

Why the rush, though? What if you wait an extra week (or couple of days) and do your research on policy? Okay, I guess you could be really unlucky and end up being just late to catch that train, but how likely do you think that would be?

[BillyGalbreath]

This is odd for you...asking for dating advice?

Yes, this is very odd for mre, I know... ...

Billy~step up to the plate and get some balls like NOW! Just go up to her and ask her? Keep it simple and light hearted.

I don't want to do anything stupid tho, and if I just go up to her and just ask - then i wouldn't have prepared - and everytime i haven't been prepared before, it failed... at anything.

Let her know you'd like to go out with her for a drink. A DRINK not dinner, then if you feel like youre not hittn it off, you can bail, and vice versa. Going through a 2 hour dinner and not knowing could be ucky.

I cant drink ! I am only 20... "Yeah, I was wonderin if you'd like to go have some coke on saturday with me.." Yeah - doesnt seem too cool. If i was her, I would laugh and then said no. If i didn't like her during a dinner I would get up, pay and then leave. And if she didnt like me, then I'd expect the same from her. But i guess that could be considered rude - idk... I aint thinkikn straight about this. I just need to sit back, breathe.... and then think.

Do you work for the government? If so, then I do believe there is a federal law against relationships between management and subordinates...but I'm not sure if this just applies to marriage/civil unions. As for private industry..I think it depends on company policy. If you were at the same level in the management pyramid I don't think it would be an issue at all.

No i dont work for the government. It is a private Industry I believe... And I dont know where I stand in the management pyramid, but I do know i am not at the bottom anymore - I don't even know my damn 'official' job title... but i do know she IS higher than me and I DO have to answer to her on certain things.

Why the rush, though? What if you wait an extra week (or couple of days) and do your research on policy? Okay, I guess you could be really unlucky and end up being just late to catch that train, but how likely do you think that would be?

Yeah - I think i am gonna wait a bit, sit back, study, think... But the odds of missing the train are higher than you think. I've missed the train with 3 women in my lifetime... And they are on a train thats never comming back to this town. They got married.

But bleh yet again. I am lost. Wait ? Go ask now ? What about policy ? What about sexual harrassment ? What about things getting 'weird' at work ? What do I ask her ? Where do I take her ? How much do I spend on her ? Is she too old for me ? Is she too 'high class' for me ? What if I get rejected ? There are so many things i am thinking and i cant answer them all, thus the problem is not solved, and if the problem is not solved i don't act. I am weird like that.

AAAHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to scream !!!!!!

[squirrley]

Youre thinking too much of something that should be simple.

Ok~so asking her out for a drink wont work, ask her to lunch or coffee.

CHILL MAN CHILL...stop thinking so damn much and quit analyzing this to death, Forget the past experiences and try something new.

[jslaughter]

Billy - as someone that deals with HR - you can't really Sexually Harrass her by asking her out if she is in a position above you.

Coffee, ask her out for coffee

[nomas]

Yeah, as long as you're careful, harassment is not something that seems like a high risk issue. Do you usually have so many doubts about deciding to ask a girl out?? or is this just a special scenario, which is understandable when you mix age, possible issues with work, plus it seems that you don't have a high degree of certainty she's into you?

I'm asking..is it worth the trouble or can you just continue a cool friendship (which can still be really cool, lunches, coffee together and all..all but the intimacy) and better asses where you stand later. Again, don't rush it. If this train leaves,maybe it wasn't meant to be. Another will come. You are very young. No need to stress. If you have too many issues on this one, status quou. Another will come around that you have less issues with and you don't have to risk the job issues.

[BillyGalbreath]

***UPDATE***

Ok yesterday I decided it wasnt worth the risk... So i didnt say anything...

well today, when i came into work, she omes up to me to ask me a question about something and instead of answering her question my question came out...

I froze - i hardly ever act without thinking... She just froze too..... for about 10-15 seconds there was just an ackward silence - so then i answered her original question as if i said nothing before.... She said 'thanks' and walked out like nothing happened...

Um.. yeah.... I guess i should just stop where i am at while things are still somewhat normal, like nothing was said...

***END UPDATE***

[Spanaway55]

well, maybe she was just very taken aback.. she was expecting a work answer and all of the sudden got asked out.... whoa! ...so maybe she was embarassed maybe she was shy, who knows, you need to find a time, and go apologise for asking at such a bad time. Then very cool, ask if she would like to go for some coffee some time.. see what she says then!

[Cybog]

i do it all the time - i have no training, but i can control it perfectly. Everything i do is perfect. I have complete over my mind and all states it can be in. I really dont talk about this much with people because they just think i need to seek "professional help", but i dont need help - i am in total control of my body, mind, and spirit.

Aren't you the same person who proclaimed the above statement? That's some amazing willpower you displayed there....

i say yes - call whenever - geesh - even if you hadn't gone on the date - i still say call whenever the hell you want - dont play by the rules - make up your own.

Another one of your pieces of advice. It's a lot harder when you are actually....you know...doing something than just talking about it, eh?

[BillyGalbreath]

well, maybe she was just very taken aback.. she was expecting a work answer and all of the sudden got asked out.... whoa! ...so maybe she was embarassed maybe she was shy, who knows, you need to find a time, and go apologise for asking at such a bad time. Then very cool, ask if she would like to go for some coffee some time.. see what she says then!

Yes, sounds like a great idea ! i will go apologize later when the time is right, and then see how the convo goes...

Aren't you the same person who proclaimed the above statement? That's some amazing willpower you displayed there....

Yes, i did say that. And again, as I said in my last post in this thread I said 'I hardly ever act without thinking'... So stop being an ass and try to knock everyone down.

Another one of your pieces of advice. It's a lot harder when you are actually....you know...doing something than just talking about it, eh?

Yes, i did say that too - but sadly the info you have retrieved does not fit this situation. This situation is between an employee (me) and his boss... BIG time difference and there ARE rules that HAVE TO BE followed or correctional actions will be taken by higher authorities. So again, stop trying to be an ass.

[squirrley]

Billy I think Cybog was merely pointing out that you say you have complete control over yourself and in this case you lost it! Hes just point'n out the obvious...you freaked out! Dont get so uptight about it, hes not being an ass when he qoutes your own words. You did say it. Even though its in a work environment, you shouldve been able to use your mind to smoothe the situation over, you had a mental block and lost it!

So dont just sit there and do nothing about it, you will look like an ass if you led it ride. Id go talk to her AFTER work.