Well, for those who knew the entire situation (others who don't can surely look it up in my other topics in dating and sex and whatnot), I've pretty much decided to throw in the towel. It's just aggravating dating the girl that I'm on the 'break' from and not knowing where I stand, not knowing what's going on, now knowing if she's getting closer or farther to getting together with me, etc. etc.
We went out today, me, her, her brother and his girlfriend. A double date. Besides being three hours later than she said she'd arrive (some of it her brother's fault, most of it hers), it was just annoying. I'm just sick and tired of knowing what we used to be and knowing that every time we go out I won't be able to go back to that place.
And the thing that burns me up THE MOST is not knowing. As you guys can probably tell, I hate not being in control. I hate not knowing 'the facts' and shit like that. And I am just sick and tired that every time it's her day off, we STILL don't get together till 6 PM. I've been trying to plan a horseback riding thing for OVER A YEAR!!!! I wanted to go last summer and as soon as weather got good this year I kept telling her, "Listen, one of these days off, I want to go horseback riding. Let me know when you'll be able to get to my house EARLY." And it still hasn't happened.
And three months on the break in order to figure out how you feel about me? That's a long break. If after a year and five months you still don't know whether you're 'in love' or not, I think at this point it's safe to say that she probably won't feel that way. She keeps telling me it's not my fault, and I know it's not. Cause I was never harsh, or mean, or treated her badly, or disrespected her, or anything.
Well, next time we talk on the phone and she asks if she can get together this weekend, I'm gonna have to say, "No." And then explain to her that I just can't do it.
If this sudden cut-off happens to show her that I'm the one, and if she ends up coming around to that realization before I find someone else, then maybe we can get back to where we used to be and be stronger. However at this point, I'm considering it done and will be looking for someone else. WITHOUT dating her. No more of this 'open relationship' stuff.
Sigh. Gonna be quite a change considering that we've been seeing each other twice a week even while on the 'break' (the 'break' was a break from intimacy, not from dating). So it may take a little while to adjust. A year and a half doesn't go away overnight. But I have to start sometime. And that time is now.
Alexi