Girlfriend breaks up with me says she loves me but needs to figure herself out.

[marccayen]

Hi I am new here I am looking for advice on what to do with this relationship as I feel its supposed to be over like this... Before I start here is a little background info... I am 22 She is 25 before we started dating she was fresh out of a 5 year relationship.. we both met each other at work im a full time associate at a auto plant and she is a summer student contract and her student contract is up in august.. We hung out for nearly a month in a half before establishing our relationship and actually having any sexual encounters (I held myself back in case she would go back with her ex and I didn't want to be a rebound)

Anyways my ex and I have dated for 8 almost 9 months and she broke up with me on Monday saying that she needed time for herself and to figure out what she wanted in life she said these were old feelings coming back and that she may have jumped into a relationship too quick... After she told me this she said she still very much loved me and that she really did hope that maybe one day we would cross paths again and get back together but she also told me not to wait and that she was sure I would find someone else. Now let me back track to a few weeks before this.

On June 9th we had a minor argument (nothing huge minor) and its very rare that we would argue( A bunch more better times than bad) after this argument I asked her if she was still happy with the relationship. She said yes but hesitated and said that she had old feelings coming back and that in the back of her head she wanted to be single and alone for a while. She mentioned that she never intended to get into a relationship so quick after she got out of a long term one of 5 years. I then told her to hang on and hopefully that the feelings will pass and that I loved her very much and she said yes and that she loved me very much as well. She also told me the reason she did open herself up to me so quick was because I made her feel special, pretty, beautiful and gave her butterfly in her stomach when ever I kissed her and that her ex never wanted to do things with her one thing she appreciated is that I WANTED to be with her and do things she wanted to do. All these things she never had with her ex who was verbally abusive towards her and never really told her that he loved her. (2 Months in I pulled the love word out and right away she said it back.... We were in love)...

After we used the love word for the first time not too long after we started talking about saving for a house and eventually starting a family, picking names for our kids... Then not too long after that she had mentioned that It was probably too soon to start saving for a house and that she just wanted to have fun for the summer and be able to spend money like she wanted so I then held back and said that was fine and I was happy to just do alot of fun things during our summer. (We both live with our parents)... A few months later down the road the whole moving together idea came back but this time it was to rent a house with her brother and girlfriend so it will still be cheap for all of use to live in and we were thinking of doing this around October of 2013.. I told her that I would cover all the expenses and all she had to do was focus on her online course and work part time hours somewhere (Her student contract at the auto plant is done in august) so she can pay for her car insurance phone etc... nothing major...

And now back to the conversation of June 9th she did a major 360.... after that conversation she explained the next day what her feelings were. She said that she wanted to do things for herself figure herself out and not have to worry about me in the process... She said she wanted to travel out west to go she one of her best friends for 3-4 weeks and I told her I was completely cool with and that I understood that she needed time for herself. Not long after that she mentioned she wanted to move from where she lived to Toronto and saying how she never had to chance to really experience living there while she was in college and that she wanted to move there with one of her other bestfriends and that it was one of their childhood dreams... I told it her it fine (But I was a little disappointed inside) and that I loved her very much and that the hour drive wouldn't keep me from going to see her.

From that time until Friday June 21st she got a little more and more distant doing more on her own but still texting me like she always did called me like she always did but was just spending more time on her own. And I guess it kinda frustrated me

On Friday June 21st we were on evening shift (working until 12 am) before work I asked her if she wanted to hang out after work and she replied saying how she wanted to go to a local bar alone with her girl friends.. I said that was cool and to have fun... Lunch came around I asked her if her friends were still going she said she wasn't sure but she was still wanting to go alone (Very small town everyone knows each other in the bar, She is a very social girl and just wanted to be able to walk around the bar talk to people she knew and not have to worry about being with me the whole time to keep me company) After she said that I guess I kinda got my back up and said so what your going to just hang out there alone and talk to random people.. and she replied Yup in a very rude way... I was kinda pissed and just left lunch and went back to work. I trust this girl 100 percent I feel it was just kinda weird but I know all she wanted to have was a couple of hour by herself and I failed to give that to her. I guess I was more pissed by the fact that she didn't want to spend a bit of time with me and she knows I love small bars and that I can easily just be as social as she can.

Anyways Saturday came around she texted me in the morning saying "Hey babe hope you had a good sleep im a little upset/angry still and I would like to just be by myself for today".. I said ok and apologized told her that I loved her and she texted me back saying I love you too. So I gave her space and gave her the day to herself. later that night I was drunk and asked her if we could talk and all she said was we will talk tomorrow..

Our original plan for the weekend was Sunday we were supposed to go the drive-in to watch a couple of movies but during the day she had to go to a baby shower with her mom... So during the day her brother and I (Good Friends) went out mudding with our trucks and so on and told her I would see her at her place around 6 pm... So we met up and first thing she did was kiss me and told me she loved me... I asked her if we were still going to the drive in and she said she wasn't sure and that she wanted to go for a quick ride and talk.. So we parked at her old public school and talked she asked me how I felt.. I told her that I felt that I was put on the side burner for the past few weeks and that she seemed a little more distant.. She then told me that she wanted to break up with me and that she was confused felt sick and felt that she needed to figure herself out and be by herself and that she wanted to do things on her own for a while... I was pretty hurt by things and I guess I kinda begged her not to do it and convinced her that we were going to have a good night together and just take the night to think about.. She agreed so we went to the drive in with her brother and his girlfriend had a great time it was fun.. Then when the movies ended we left and go onto a side road and made love in the back of the truck and we spent the night together at her place... We got up the next day I went over to kiss her but the kiss didn't feel real... I asked her what was wrong she told me that her feelings are back and she started crying saying she had to do it and that she loved me and still cared for me... So we both ended up calling in that day and spending the majority of it talking swimming in the pool had some pretty romantic moments where everything seemed good and then everything would go dark again.. I tried to talk her out of it telling her that it just seemed to quick and that we should try to work on things together and that I was there for her. She insisted that it was for her to do this for herself and that it was only for herself. So I eventually left and respected her decision and told her that I loved her very much and still wanted to be friends and she said the same that she loved me and that she will miss me and that I was the best boyfriend she ever had... I left but I forgot my bag of clothes that I brought the night before..

So I asked her to bring my bag to work and that I would get it from her the next day at work... That night after work she met me at my truck she handed my bag to me...I didn't really wanted look at her in her eyes because I kinda felt betrayed I didn't really say anything and pretty much gave her a cold shoulder... She looked at me and said your not going to say anything?? Your not going to give me a hug??? I just simply told her that I said everything I had to say the day before and that I thought she was throwing something good away..So I ended up giving in and giving her a hug and kiss and told that I still loved her very much and that she would always be my pretty girl and she said pretty much the same except that I would always be her french boy (I am french )... So after work my original plans were that I was supposed to go to her brothers place for a few beers which I did but then my she showed up.... Asked me if we could talk at her parents place.. So I went to her parents that night.. we talked and I pretty much told her again that I felt she was making a mistake and I really hoped that she would give us one chance.... She accepted and I ended staying the night and we ended up having sex again... Everything was fine we were together again.... Got up the next day everything was good. Went on with our week... So anyways this past weekend we went to her friends place for the Canada day long weekend.. She was there Saturday and went by herself to hangout and go out with her friend(The one she wants to move to Toronto with) and I stayed behind and went out with my friends on saturday and the plan was for me to go up sunday morning... So I ended up getting there everything is cool sunday we went to her friends place for dinner and a fire slept together again that night but the next day everything went to **** again.. She said she had the feelings.. So she broke things off again.. I didn't fight it this time just accepted it and told her I respected her decision told her I still loved her she said the same and that if were meant to be that we will be together again later down the road.... We ended up spending Canada day together with her friend went to the fireworks as friends no kissing holding hands we didn't even sleep in the same bed... Got up this morning had breakfast and one last talk that had her balling her eyes out and saying she loved me and that shes going to miss me...

Side notes....

I feel that this friend she wants to go to Toronto with is influencing her decision... This friend was gone to Cambodia for 8 months and when she came back.. Around the same time my girlfriend started acting weird... Because before this friend came back my girlfriend was glued to me constantly asking me to do things with her and then boom 360 friend is back and now she wants to be single again..... And yes her friend is single.

Anyways what I want to know is what should I do? I really don't want to lose her I love her so much and I feel that she feels the same way about me but has things to figure out.. I dont want to push her away.

What should I do if she contacts me a few weeks down the road asking to hang out? Should I initiate contact? Im so confused I love her and I don't want to lose her.

Please help!

[LifeInflux]

It seems that your ex has a case of wanderlust. Perhaps this started by talking with her friend, and hearing about her travels, and feeling jealous that she never was able to experience that herself. Maybe, after a 5 year relationship, she's worried about getting tied down without experiencing her life the way she wants to.


I experienced a similar problem in my life with a girl who I was extremely passionate with. We connected on many levels, and I treated her fantastically, as she did me. One day she told me of her hopes and her dreams of travel while she was still young and still had the chance. I was never against travel, or against her moving away, but it came down to me just not being able to take that adventure with her, and she never asked me to.


Sometimes someones own ambition, dreams, and desires conflict with a relationship, and that isn't always a bad thing. You would have been devastated - though you may not think so now - had you spent 7 years with her and she told you that she suppressed so many hopes and dreams just to stay with you. You love her, and you want her to be happy, and right now this is what she thinks will make her happy.


You don't have to like it, you don't even have to be supportive. What you do now is you find your own way. Take a cue from her and get some adventure and enjoyment under your belt.

That can mean getting exercise, or taking a road trip, or meeting some new friends, or starting to date again.


When she contacts you, I think you need to gauge how you feel then. Just because she wants to see you doesn't mean you have to see her, and just because you see her doesn't mean you should get back together. Don't wait for her. Give it 6 months of self improvement, and come back and see how you feel.

[marccayen]

Thanks for the advice man! Its just hurting right now because of me being powerless and not being able to help her through this... Everything was amazing up until the start of June I really do hope she realizes sooner then later that shes throwing away what she wanted all those years with her ex... I opened myself to her.. I did everything for her and for what??? These old feelings to end something that was so good.

[marccayen]

And I guess one part I left out is that my ex is a huge Dreamer.. She wants to do things that are not financially realistic and w/e and I guess that just pisses me off..

[4 ratties]

Move on. Relationship roller coasters suck. She has no clue what she wants. Honestly sounds like she's just being with u when she wants to or wants sex then breaking it off when she's not in the moment. Idk why you let yourself be used like that. Find a woman who knows what she wants and isn't scared and gonna break up with u every other week. She is NOT going to change any time soon.