Is there still a chance for us in the future

[GreatMonkey]

So recently, one of my friends that i've known since 2003, we got together and whatnot. Last Sat, she wanted to hang out cause it was her free night, and her mom was taking care of her little one. So she got a hold of me and said sure. So she came over to my house. We watched movies, drove around, had a few drinks, held hands, made out and has sex unexpectedly. I knew something like this was going to happen but the sex. So after that, me and her got attached really fast. Maybe a little too fast. After work during the week, i'd go over to her place to hang out. And got too see her daughter. It was going pretty good. Until Thursday when I got off work. Got a MSG from her on FB, saying that there are few things she wanted to say. I'd like to say, it took me a while to understand everything. So 1st she stated that we shouldn't get any closer then we already are cause you are going to be going to school and you need your school. I don't wanna hold you back at all. I really don't get this. I'm not sure how she would be holding me back, but after reading more, I starting to understand more. She has a 20 month old little girl, and she has become attached to me. Thursday while I was at her house, she was calling me dada. Maybe thinking it would change her mind about things. Not really. But this is what she was afraid of tho. Cause her real father, bailed out on her. Ever since she was born, he real father has seen her maybe no more then 10 times til now. So now this is where the schooling comes back into play. They both don't wanna get closer cause I gotta go outta town for schooling. I am taking Automotive Mechanics. And where I will be gone for so many weeks, it would be hard on both of them cause i'm not there with them. I'm trying to explain the best I can.

She told me, she don't wanna really do this but this is right thing to do right now. We both care for each other very much. Some people have told me, that it's possible that you 2 were meant to be. But I have also been told, that it sounds like she might confused and scared about somethings and just to give it time to work things out. Everything should work out fine. If you 2 really care for each other, we don't see why you 2 aren't meant 2 be. And just to give it some time. Take things slowly. She has a 20 month old girl and it's hard for her as a single mom.

She don't wanna lose me as a friend. She even stated that I don't think we could ever build a relationship.. but least not now. But like some people told me, take it slow, give it time, spend time with them, and who knows, maybe you 2 will get together before your schooling is actually over. I'm going to be done my schooling in 3 years from now. I've said this to her, the moment i'm done my schooling, don't matter where you are I will find you and hopefully we can start our lives together and she smiled with a okay and a big hug.

But yeah, I explained it the best I could. Do you guys think we can still have a future together after what I have just told? I love both her and her little girl very much and I know they love me back. I care deeply for both of them and they care deeply for me. It's something I needed to get off my chest cause it's just been hurting me. But if I know if we have a future together or not, thats all I need to know.

Thanks for the help.

Forgot to mention, yes, I know 3 years is a while away still. I shouldn't get too a head of myself. But I don't know, I guess thats what happens when you love someone.

[justcheckin]

First of all the girl is right. If the kid is calling you dad, she is probably extremely upset about EVERYTHING and needs you to stay away from the kid so he/she doesn't get the wrong idea. That is a serious thing. Its possible you like the feeling of that idea, but it is not your place, you know what I am saying? If you are going away for school, she is 100% right to cut you off from her family, because she has already had somebody once leave her, you know?

I had a girlfriend that I found out had a kid... ruined the relationship. I don't see why you would want to step in to fill those shoes... I mean it is a nice thought and all.. but be real man. Like I said, im sure you like the attention, but you do NOT want to have that burden so early in your life. TRUST MEEEEEEEEEEEE. I have seen it ruin my friends lives, they are 22 and 21 and have had a kid.... trust me when I say that they are not going anywhere in life because they have such a huge responsibility at such a young age they will not be able to focus on themselves. Kids are a beautiful thing... but a young mother (if you are going off to school I am assuming you are ~18) is not something you want to try to pursue a relationship with. I'm just being honest man. Don't do that to yourself.

[GreatMonkey]

I am 24 years old. I just recently got accepted for my apprenticeship for automotive mechanic through my workplace. She's 21. I do get what your saying. It's just that she may never see her real father again. Not now anyways. Maybe a few years down the road. But I know for sure not now. She even said it herself. He don't even live in the same city anymore. And I know it's not my place. But we can still hang out tho right?

[justcheckin]

Those are some tough waters to tread man. The biggest thing you CANNOT CONTROL is that she has a kid. And the kid is/should be what is driving her life now. In all honestly, you guys can stay friends, and be there for her. But you cannot get romantically involved with her if you are moving away for school. Its just not fair to you, the girl, OR the kid, especially if she/he is calling you dad. If she is still single in 3 years, and you still feel that connected with her, by all means try to put some meaning in her life... but right now your best bet for EVERYBODY is to just stay on the side lines and live your own life. I know you feel for her, which means that you are a good person inside, but be honest with yourself, you do not owe it to her to try to "step in" and fill that void in her life. That is something that her x-boyfriend/whatever should of done years ago.

The problem with hanging out is that you are gonna continue to develop feelings for this girl. If you can do that to your self... then do it. But do not start to "woo" her again, because she has already established what her circumstances are... and thank god she actually cares enough about you to tell you to let her be and you go do your school thing. Trust me, school is most importat. If you stay with this girl and try to fill in where her x left off, you will ultimately regret it in the long run, weather its a year form now or 10. You need to focus on yourself first. Once you have a solid foundation, then try to be a family man. If you dont, you will end up like her, and that is a cold and dark area to be in by ones self.

[GreatMonkey]

For schooling, i'm not moving. I go to school for 8 weeks. Then I come back and put in more hours. Then go for another 8 weeks, Put in more hours. Then for 6 week. Put in the rest of hours and 5 weeks. It's done over 3 years. But I do understanding what you are saying. We both had a long chat about this. She wants me to go to school. Something that she couldn't do. But we both agreed to be friends for now. She did say sorry for what she has done and wants to take things slowly. And don't wanna ruin our relationship that we have with each other. But yeah, reading what you have said, has made me see things more clear. As for hanging out, she has agreed to it. But not all the time. She said we can hang out, once a week. And yes, she does care about me a lot. When ever we had problems back in the day, we would turn to each other. She even admits, that she should have dated me a long time ago. Thank you for your time.

[justcheckin]

np man glad i could help

[GreatMonkey]

But yeah, for now, would it be alright to keep you guys updated and say how things are going and whatnot?

[GreatMonkey]

Today, at work, I was thinking, maybe I should stay away from her for a while until I can clear my head and whatnot. That way I can focus more on my life. And whatnot. What do you guys think? Would this be a good option to go, or should we still stay in contact? I really don't know what to do right now.

[GreatMonkey]

Well, I talked over this situation with my dad and I feel a lot better and for once, I will go with his advice. Just say friends. Don't get involved with any relationships with her. As I told him what her living style is like and he said, I don't need someone like that. So just stay friends. And that is what will happen. I feel so much better now. Should have talked to him at the start.

[GreatMonkey]

So last night, she and I are texting and she wanted me to go come over to her place for a bit. I did. While I was there, she was trying to get my pants off cause she wanted us to have sex again. I told her no. I don't wanna have another repeat. We get attached again and everything repeats over again. But this time she said, "I finally knew what I was missing and I really need you in my life. Please. My daughter needs a father in her life. I need a man in my life. It's been so long. I don't know what to."

She was on her knees begging and crying. I really don't know what to do now. What would you guys do? I'm in a bundle here. Should I just let it be and focus on my life 1st? I don't know what to do. I wanna be there for her, but 1st she needs to get her life straightened out. I really don't wanna see anything happen to her. Now I have some else to worry about.