Lookin for answers

[jane]

OK .. so this guy that I used to be really good friends with called me out of the blue a week ago. I havent spoken to him in a few years .. like two. I was driving home and he asked me to stop by his house and "come visit" him. Sooo... I did. When I first got there .. he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and envited me in. I walked in he was showing me around the house and he says...
" oh sorry my kids stuff is everywhere, i Havent had time to clean up .. he's at my moms. And my wife, if you can still call her that, is up north somewhere... " ... I was kinda tired and for some reason .. heard that but didnt say ANYTHING.. about it.

Anyway.. I hung out for a few hours and decided to go home. I know he had to get up around 7 and it was like 10pm sooo...

I must tell you that I was on my way home from Softball practice, so I wasnt looking my best .. lol.. anyway..

Do you think he was tryin to tell me something? I havent heard from him since... I think it was a booty call but I have really no idea. What do you think?

[Gigabitch]

Hard to say until there's some kind of follow-up. The "if you can call her that" comment really could be perceived as "I'm open to fooling around, but not available for a relationship".

I speak weasel-ese. This knowledge was gained the hard way- by dating weasels.

What were you actually expecting? Do you have a history of booty-calls? Did you even know he was married with a kid?

[jane]

I knew he had a kid ..we worked together along time ago. We used to be really good friends however, I did at one time have an affair with a married man that he knew about. I wonder if he really was just tryin to get laid. The guys hot but .. I wouldnt do that again ya know?

[Gigabitch]

Damn! I just realized you posted this in "Ask a Male".

I am 99% sure he was just looking to get some ass because things aren't going well in his relationship. I'd be a bit pissed, if I were you.

See how shit can come back and bite you in the ass years later? I wonder how many married guys are hoping for a slice of Jane just because of a mistake you made in the past.

[GrkScorp]

Damn! I just realized you posted this in "Ask a Male".

I am 99% sure he was just looking to get some ass because things aren't going well in his relationship. I'd be a bit pissed, if I were you.

See how shit can come back and bite you in the ass years later? I wonder how many married guys are hoping for a slice of Jane just because of a mistake you made in the past.

Well.. I would think the same.. only that you failed to dig deeper into his wife situation..

Doesn't it sound strange how his wife is gone with the kid(s)? How she's not much of a "wife" anymore?

It may very well be possible that he's in the middle of a divorce, and just wanted to be polite and keep the conversation civil. It may also be the case that in respect to this fact, he's also looking for a new wife, and perhaps trying to re-connect with "quality" women of his past so he can raise a family with.

You definitely have some more investigating to do, and should try to avoide quick & hasty (99% sure) conclusions until you get a better understanding of the full picture..

P.S. If it was a booty call; he would have been flirting, it would have been obvious and direct, and there would have been ALOT of touching (not just a polite european hello kiss & hug, that means nothing).. Guy who call women over for a booty call and get no booty start to feel frustrated, and result to more touching in a "last resort" effort to provoke the woman into having sex.. (this was obviously not the case)

[Gigabitch]

Maybe when he saw her post-softball state, he changed his mind.

[GrkScorp]

I was driving home and he asked me to stop by his house and "come visit" him. Sooo... I did. When I first got there .. he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and envited me in. I walked in he was showing me around the house and he says...
" oh sorry my kids stuff is everywhere, i Havent had time to clean up .. he's at my moms. And my wife, if you can still call her that, is up north somewhere... "

I must tell you that I was on my way home from Softball practice, so I wasnt looking my best ..

Hmm, after re-reading your post, seems to be like he's trying to get you to see:

1. His house, that he's established, fatherly-quality, etc.
2. He tried to "hint" that things were not working out between him and his "wife".. I must say, aside from the sudden & unplanned invitation, the guy has my style of doing things.. He didn't get that into it.. because he wants to give you & him some time to get to know eachother again & catch up.. BUT he did hint at it.. so it's sits well in the back of your mind.. he wants you to toy with the idea, of you and him.. living in that house.. perhaps with a kid.. and then.. as time goes by.. he'll eventually verbally express this concept (proposition) to you.. and you'll have to give him the most female-feared answer of all time (Yes, or; No)..

Definitely NOT a booty call.. I mean.. the facts are as clear as day.. I know women on this forum have a hate of the male-stereotype.. so the only fact they look at is the fact that he's a man.. (and this leads them to believe that there's enough evidence to conclude that all it was, was a booty-call).. But, that's not the case..

He didn't rush, he was very polite, very civil, very friendly.. and it's quite evident that he didn't give you a hard time as the night ended; so he wanted the two of you to get familiar with eachother again, rather than sexual.. This could have been open-ended as to why; but he DID mention the fact about his wife.. so it's quite clear that this guy has his plans set on finding a replacement partner because his current marriage is headed towards a divorce; and he doesn't want him or his kids to suffer..

Like I said.. you have to investigate further.. I mean.. my analysis of the situation is limited to the scope of facts you have presented to me.. even from where you're standing, you still have plently of more facts & information to gather so u can fully analyze this situation fully.

[Gigabitch]

She hasn't heard from him since.

[IndiReloaded]

Well.. I would think the same.. only that you failed to dig deeper into his wife situation..

Doesn't it sound strange how his wife is gone with the kid(s)? How she's not much of a "wife" anymore?

Not much of a husband either, who'd call a 'friend' over for a hookup while wifey & kids are away. Bet you're not the end of his call list, either Jane.

Asshole or desperate. Either way, you need to avoid this guy. On the chance he is interested further than just sex, he'll need to get his shit sorted out first, regardless. You don't need this crap.

[GrkScorp]

Maybe when he saw her post-softball state, he changed his mind.

Not really.. if that was the case.. (for a man of his strategic-level).. he would have said something like..

"Oh, hey.. wow, you must be tired.. how rude of me.. you should probably get back home.."'

or,

He would have simply let her come in for a while.. to rest.. and then say something to try and get her to leave.. "if in fact all he wanted was sex, and now he's no longer physically in the mood"..

But.. as we've seen, this was not the case..

[Gigabitch]

Or he could have offered her the use of his shower. With company.

[GrkScorp]

Not much of a husband either, who'd call a 'friend' over for a hookup while wifey & kids are away. Bet you're not the end of his call list, either Jane.

Asshole or desperate. Either way, you need to avoid this guy. On the chance he is interested further than just sex, he'll need to get his shit sorted out first, regardless. You don't need this crap.

It depends;

This is why you should find out the whole story..

It could be the case that HE is the cause of the marriage going sour.. and that his wife is just trying to escape.. in which case the kids would be with her.. not with HIS mother..

It could also be the case that SHE (his wife) is the cause of the marriage going sour.. and that she is just out, careless & angry, while the kids are over HIS mother's house so they don't have to deal with her rage when she comes home..

Again, these are all assumptions..

But what's important to consider is that he KNOWS that he's going to go through a divorce.. so for the moment.. he's casually looking for potential "replacements" for both the mother of his children, and as his wife.. He didn't seem to want to provoke sex, or flirt.. it was what it was.. friendly; just catching up on old times.. and getting familiar with eachother again..

For all you know.. maybe he was evaluating you.. and he didn't like what he saw or herd.. (maybe you changed in a way he didn't like..)

Maybe him and his wife are working things out.. who knows?? We sure as hell don't.. YOU are the only one who can find out.. so go ahead and call him and find out what's going on..

[IndiReloaded]

Okay GS, maybe he's looking to restart the friendship & possibly more. BUT, my comment about her not needing the trouble until he sorts things out would still apply. Especially if that's the case, in fact. Right now, he's married w/kids. That's 'no go' territory for most ppl.

Jane, if GrkS is rightm, you'll hear from him again. If it was just a BC, you won't. Let us know.

[GrkScorp]

Or he could have offered her the use of his shower. With company.

No.. guys like this guy are not cheezy or cheap.. they're strategic.. they'll beat women at their own game.. so the original poster litterally needs an army of social-emotional analysts just to help her make sense of the situation..

Anyway.. for instance.. i'm now single.. but just for fun.. I saw this girl the other day that spiked my interest.. I don't quite know if she's my type.. but I had a "moment".. allow me to explain..

She was sitting on the computers, and all of a sudden found something of interest on the internet.. just then.. she shifted her body foward; her dark-blond/light-brown hair moved in a wave motion much similar to a calm beach.. her jeans lowered about 1-2 inches and this bright blue string appeared on both sides of her finely toned & tanned hips.. the strings led & met on this amazing work of art which was located on but a small triangle shaped piece of fabric with some meaningless artwork on it; meaningless only because what drew my attention was not the ribbon which decorated the truffle, but the truffle it was decorating.. I don't know how much time passed, but eventually she had to get up.. and she turned around.. our eyes met.. we eye-fcuked in what was a long 5-8 second visual non-verbal, non-physical orgy.. and then, she smiled.. and left..

I was shocked.. her signals seems to contradict eachother.. she was clearly interested, but left!!! I later found out that a friend of mine is taking Mergers & Acquisitions with her, and they had an exam that day.. an exam she made just in time.. So.. I felt a little bit better knowing that she was in rush to get to class..

That being said.. it's highly unlikely that she'll be in that same spot in a week to come.. plus, not pausable for me to just show up to her class.. BUT.. I was thinking.. since i'm now single, and i've taken M&A's.. why not set up an M&A student group? If for nothing else.. for study help with people who have taken the class before.. Now, everyone who has taken M&A before doesn't want to sit down and tutor people for free... However, this idea provides me with a way to show my face up again in her class.. give out flyers.. and indirectly give her my e-mail address, or simply just a way to meet up again..

That's alot more creative than what a brute/grunt would do.. "hey, why the rush babe?".. (primative)..

Plus, ladies.. get rid of your grandma's underwear and say hello to thongs & low-riders...

[GrkScorp]

Jane, if GrkS is rightm, you'll hear from him again. If it was just a BC, you won't. Let us know.

Well.. lol.. that's not exactly fair.. What if HE didn't like Jane..

Maybe his wife neglected him for softball.. and he saw Jane was playing softball.. and he doesn't want someone like that.. etc..

Maybe he concluded that HE doesn't like Jane.. and that he has to look for OTHER females from his past to replace his wife in this dying marriage which is leading to divorce..

there's simply no way to tell for sure, not because either one of us is right or wrong, but simply because the facts are so limited.. hence the need for Jane to actively investigate further.. (If she's interested in him.. lol.. not just for OUR sake..lol)