Hello all;
I'm extremely confused, and I was wondering if any of you could shed any light - similar experiences, similar attitudes, etc.
To give you a bit of background:
I've been seeing my boyfriend for somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 or 7 months (we'd been friends for over a year before we became romantic). I'm no stranger to relationships - my previous relationships were 5.5 years and 2 years. I also don't sleep around; I've only had sex with 3 people (including him), and each one of those was in the context of a serious relationship. So the sum up is, I really like this guy, and I'm no tramp.
The problem is with our sex life. I consider myself extremely modest outside of the bedroom. I dress modestly, I don't really flirt or need attention; I'm a one man kind of girl. Even inside of the bedroom I'm a slow starter - it can take a year for me to reach full comfort levels. However, once I'm comfortable, I'm not what I would call "modest" in the bedroom with my man. I love sexy lingerie, dirty talk, almost cocky confidence, am open-minded as far as roughness, positions, role play, even photographs etc. All these things make me feel sexy and confident that I can arouse my man, and that he is extremely attracted to me.
Up until now, we have been extremely and completely compatible. Our sex life has been solid. We have sex or equivalent at least everytime we see each other - if not a couple times. We sleep together naked. The cuddling is awesome. He calls me "cute" and "sexy" and raves about my bj technique.
As good as it is, our sex life is nothing remotely close to spicey or comfortable for me; however, I've reached the point where I am starting to get comfortable. That means bringing up things like my sexy lingerie drawer, photo shoots, talking in bed more, etc - but he has not been as receptive as my ex's were in the past. He flat out told me "some things are better in your head" when I mentioned photos. Though I was slightly hurt that my lover didn't want photos of me (maybe he just thinks I'm that unattractive was my first thought - irrational as it was), I said nothing more about it because it's not that important to me. Also I'd been hinting about my lingerie drawer, and finally today we had this conversation:
Him: "I don't really like lingerie"
Me: *surprised!* "Oh! Why not?"
Him: "I like modest girls."
Me: "...Even with you?"
Him: "Yes"
Remember, I am not a slut. I don't show skin in public; I am my man's alone. But with my man, I am still a sexual creature. Now I'm not attached to lingerie or photos or anything in particular, but I'm starting to feel a trend towards a stagnant sex-life where I neither feel attractive or comfortable or confident or sexy (because my man doesn't want any of the things I'm used to men who find me attractive wanting). Also, I'm starting to get a complex about communicating with him - afraid that he's going to think I'm some sort of freak. For example, I don't even want to tell him my festish, which is that I like a spanking here and there if/when sex gets intense.
What do you all think? Have you experience anything like this? Have you felt things like this? Other than this, we click so well. So I would like some advice on how to communicate with him, or how to find my own comfortable place within his realm. Keeping my confidence and my mind at ease.