Lifes Hard Decisions...

[Hopeless_Male]

Hi all,
I am posting here hoping someone has been in a similar situation to me and can give me some advice...

I have been in a relationship for 10 years with my girlfriend and no kids just living happily along.
However the last 8 months haven't been so good with both of us feeling further apart which we have discussed a few occasions.
We have even agreed to go separate ways a few times but are both either too scared or lazy to do it.

Anyway, a while back at work a new girl started in the office. She is from a country in eastern Europe which don't hold a high regard for womens rights & was "brought" over to Australia by her much older suitor after he went on a holiday there and got her pregnant.

To cut a very long story short we agreed to meet after work one day chatted for a while then kissed..
After that she told me how horrible her life has been since arriving here with her husband abusing her physically and mentally to the point of her having suicidal thoughts.

Hearing this broke my heart completely and I gave her a couple of domestic violence help numbers to call in case of an emergency and explained to her what her rights are in Australia. I have offered to take her to the police and even offered her a plane ticket back to her home country so she could be with family which she has none here.
She rang her parents and they don't want to know her.... so she just keeps telling me she wants to be with me.

We still meet after work and we feel absolutely great when we are together, I try my best to make her laugh and smile as much as I can in the short space of time we have. And I love it... she is so perfect..

Anyway my question is should I cave in to the shining night syndrome and quit my current life, start all over again, save her & her 3yo daughter while risk being beaten to a pulp by a very angry psycho husband or stop right here right now and risk something worse happening to her and leave myself pondering what could've been..?

My friends are telling me to stay away from other peoples problems and don't accept "damaged goods" which I think is a terrible thing to say but I'm very worried what will happen if I do act..

Hopelessly in love again, Hopeless Male

[sookie6]

You need to be careful as this young woman comes from a culture that treats women very unfairly.

It's a different deal altogether in these countries...where many young and vulnerable young women are left to fend for themselves. As a result many of these young women have developed a second nature of acting according to their interests.

So they have a gift for showing feelings they don't necesarily have, and a very pleasing nature to men.

Now her suitor...did someone force her to be with him, make love with him and be pregnant?

I think she wanted to get away from her country and this man was one way to do it. I am sorry if I am painting a black picture here but I have seen enough people here getting involved and cheated by individuals who were just after an easy life and papers...

How can you even be thinking of sharing your life with someone you don't know, who is from a different culture (nothing wrong with this but surely you'd need more time than this to decide if you two can work). And what about that child who already has a father? You can't just decide that this guy is a jerk and that you'll do a better job at taking care of her...

About your current relationship...I think you've reached a glitch....normal. It's been a long time together. Maybe you need a project in common to give your relationship a nex direction. I am thinking that other woman and her child have probably awaken some desire in you to be a protective figure...maybe you'd like to be a father yourself...you should consider the possibility of your partner and you becoming parents....

[Hopeless_Male]

Thankyou for your wise words and honesty Sookie, from what she has told me she was quite happy living over there when she met her future husband, made love to him and he flew back to australia a few days later.
A couple of weeks later she realized she was pregnant and after contacting him, he offered to fly her out here to live. They got married here and she has a permanment visa.

The whole idea of me moving in with her does scare the crap out of me but with her claims of abuse and how she says she will "end it" if she cant get out scares me more and makes me worried sick..

Thanks again..

[sookie6]

From what I read this woman works and has permanent visa.

She has the means to get herself out of this situation.

But she also seems to be that kinda of woman who goes from one man to another expecting them to resolve her problems.

She needs to split up from her partner. Find herself a new place.

Then you might enter into the picture. She can't expect you to sort her life out. Even more so if the husband is violent. He could come after you for pursuing his wife while they were still together.

Anyway don not thing I am a self righteous person...I just give you the advice I'd give to my best friend....I get the feeling this woman is younger than you and your current partner...she also seems to have an ability to say the right words to you...if you couple this to the facr she is probably very pretty you get the explosive ingredients that make a man act foolishly...


Would you want to help her so bad if she was fat and fugly???

[sookie6]

From what I read this woman works and has permanent visa.

She has the means to get herself out of this situation.

But she also seems to be that kinda of woman who goes from one man to another expecting them to resolve her problems.

She needs to split up from her partner. Find herself a new place.

Then you might enter into the picture. She can't expect you to sort her life out. Even more so if the husband is violent. He could come after you for pursuing his wife while they were still together.

Anyway don not thing I am a self righteous person...I just give you the advice I'd give to my best friend....I get the feeling this woman is younger than you and your current partner...she also seems to have an ability to say the right words to you...if you couple this to the facr she is probably very pretty you get the explosive ingredients that make a man act foolishly...


Would you want to help her so bad if she was fat and fugly???