I am generally a very emotionally detached person. After my divorce I have dated a lot, sometimes more serious than other times, but always managed to keep a distance. Well this current man I met about 3-4 months ago and we really hit it off. He is one of those guys who falls for people easy so he was more emotionally invested in it than I was. About a month in I start to really fall for him, we just have so much in common and I can spend hours just sitting around doing nothing at all with him without an awkward silence feeling. Right around that time (when I starting to really get emotionally invested in this) he tells me that he is worried he jumped into the relationship to fast and we need to take a step back and slow things down. I took this as he was breaking up with me and was very upset but cried for a few hours I sucked it up. Oddly enough though we kept doing the same things we had been doing before he 'dumped me' just without the labels of being a boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't care at all about those labels so things were ok with me. We spent, and up until this week still had, and enormous amount of time together. He would call or text every day and I saw him probably every other day.
So we continue on our non-relationship and I am just really head over heels for this guy a couple months in. There is nothing particularly special, he isn't rich, he isn't amazingly good looking, nothing like that, I just really love spending time with him. At this point I want some form of commitment from him, I may not care about labels but I want us to be an exclusive relationship not seeing anyone else. I was all planned to have this conversation with him but then someone very close to him rather suddenly passed away and I didn't want to put and extra pressure on him during that time. For maybe two weeks I just did whatever I could to make him less of a mess. If he called me at 1am and just wanted someone to hold in bed I would get in my car and drive over, if he wanted to sit at his computer and play video games but have someone else in the room with him I would sit there and mess with my phone, if he wanted to be totally alone I let him be. He was emotionally a wreck, breaking down crying randomly, not going into work, just not holding himself together very all. While he was like that (and I was doing everything I could to comfort him) he slept with at least two other girls he has told me about, but I cannot really be upset about that since we were not in an exclusive relationship. Although I have to say as much as I was over I don't know what he had the freaking time to have sex with them.
Last week I meet this girl he has mentioned several times as a friend of his and she just will not speak to me, just kinda glares at me from a distance. I come to find out (after the meeting to no surprise) that this 'friend' of his, who he spends a lot of time with, recently told him that she has feelings for him. She is 8 years younger than him and he tells me that he is just worried about hurting her feelings and ruining their friendship so he does not want to push her away. The way I read this is that he is interested in her and wants to keep casually seeing both of us, which at this point I am not ok with.
After several long conversations with him I think I got it threw his head I am not 'competing' with another girl. If she wants him I am just going to walk away from this, as much as I really don't want to. I want to avoid the massive drama that is sure to come from this, he seems so sure won't happen. He insists that he just doesn't want to hurt her that is all, he also gives me the list of the pros and cons of dating one of us vs the other...which I think proves my point correct since he was thinking that out to begin with. Everything he likes about her are things that are polar opposites to me, and I am not going to change who I am. So I tell him again that if this is how things are going to be I am removing myself from this situation.
We have several mutual friends and I was kinda bitching and moaning about the whole thing to one of them. Supposedly he has been trying to pick up just about every single female in sight. He is also telling people he is not currently sexually active with anyone. Which is not true because up until recently I had been sleeping with him and he admitted to me having slept with two other girls (people I know) as well. He claims not to have slept with the girl that glares at me but I don't know if I believe him. This is all second hand information but not something I have any trouble believing at this point.
Problem is I still want him so badly. I went over to his house last night and just sitting there doing nothing but watching TV I was the happiest I had been all day. I really don't want to just walk away from him, even though he lies, won't commit, and lies some more. All I could think of to do was give him an ultimatum, which is something I consider incredibly bitchy and I never do. I told him that either he we were going to have an exclusive relationship together (and tell every freaking girl he hangs out with he is not single) or I am gone, and I need an answer by Tuesday...no answer by then and I am gone. He proceeds to tell me his history of relationships and how they have all failed so far (no shit, if they hadn't failed you would still be in one of them) and he thinks if we have a relationship he will freak out mess it up and lose me. So I go back to if he doesn't at least try a relationship I am gone anyway.
This whole thing is just so unhealthy. I need to just walk away period, no options no nothing just be done with him. But I just can't, I want to be with him so badly. He asked me the other day if I loved him and I told him I didn't know but I am honestly say I have never in my life felt this way about someone. Hell, I wasn't nearly this into the man I married.
Sorry this went on and on and I don't really know what type of advice anyone can really give me other than telling me I am being an idiot. I just don't know how to handle this, I am never emotionally attached like this.