Hi there,
My girlfriend cheated on me. She finally came clean after me confronting her over and over through out the summer.
She said the reason she cheated on me was because she freaked out about how serious our relationship got and at the same time she started fancying a guy from her work.
We were living together last year, but just as house mates and thats how we met. I planned on moving to Canada for some time now. It was always one of my big dreams. It took me a year to get a visa and then when I finally had it but I had to save up for it so I moved into a shared accommodation to save money, and that's where I met her. That was 6 months before I left for Canada.
We got a long just fine and then one thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. We kept having sex through out the 6 months, watched TV, had dinners and cuddled infront of the TV etc. But because I was about to leave we didn't want to label our relationship.
2 weeks before I left she told me she loves me. I felt the same so I told her back. But I had to go anyways because I quit my job already, sold all my belongings and it took me so long to get the visa and save up the money. So I had to leave. She cried when I left and so did I.
We kept in touch the entire time, emailed every day and talked on the phone every day. After 2 months I told her that I want to move back to her because I am missing her like mad. When I told her about that she was so happy about it and couldn't believe it. We started making plans for when exactly I should come back and where I would be living etc.
So after just 3 months in Canada I decided to leave my dream behind and move back to her.
The first few weeks went well and suddenly she got distant. I knew something was up.
Months went by and she was really weird. We had loads of fights because I asked her if she was cheating on me. I had several reasons to doubt her (always wanted to go out on her own, told people she is single, found txt messages and photos of another guy on her phone).
In september she finally came clean. She told me she cheated on me in the summer! She had a mini-affair with a guy from work. She said she started being attracted to him about the same week I came back from Canada but she didn't really think much about it.
She said because after a few weeks that I was back she suddenly freaked out realizing that I left my dream behind for her and then she also felt attracted to that other guy from her work. A rocker dude with 6 pack abs and tattoos. Kind of the opposite of me! She said since she was a teenager she always had that urge to be with a "bad guy" with tattoos and then suddenly a guy like that came along.
They apparently had sex twice in the summer and met up many weekends for drinks. But then that other guy started seing someone else so he "dumped" my girlfriend (weird sentence!).
I told my girlfriend I wanted to have the full truth no matter how much it hurts me.
She told me she fell in love with him because she was always attracted to that "bad guy" style. But she felt really bad because she loves me as well. She said she is very confused with her feelings with everything that has happened. She was actually hurt when the other guy started dating again. But she also felt bad that she cheated on me.
I also found out that although they stopped their affair in July she kept checking his facebook page first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed every single day until a week ago.
I told her I had to leave the country because I needed sometime to think about everything. She told me she really loves me and wants to make it work.
I can see it in her eyes that she regrets what she did and that she does love me. I can really see it. I told her I forgive her what she did and I love that she is finally honest about her feelings.
I am not judging her about having feelings for another guy... shit happens. But I told her she should have resisted the temptation or broken up with me.
Now we are back together for a few weeks. The problem I am having is that I know my girlfriend still thinks about him now and then, but I also see that she really wants to work out with me and that she really loves me.
However I cannot forget what she did. Several times a day I keep getting flash backs on how she lied to me and that she had sex with another guy.
I understand why she did it, but I have such a hard time dealing with it for my self. I don't bring it up, I don't blame her anymore, I don't make her feel bad about it anymore. But I cannot deal with it myself.
How does one forget about things like that? I learned that forgiving someone is one thing, but actually forgetting it is a totally different story.